Stoic Coffee Break

**Before I begin today's episode, I want let you know that I'm putting Stoic Coffee Break on indefinite hiatus. It has been a great year of working on this podcast and I want to thank everyone for your support. ** Today I want to talk about the idea of self advocacy. One of the areas that I really struggle with, and I’ve talked a bit about it on this podcast is the fact that I’m a recovering people pleaser. Too often I’ll put my own needs aside and try to do what I think other people want...

Imposter Syndrome has killed more great works, more companies, more careers and possibilities than almost anything I know. When we begin something that we want to be skilled at, we understandably feel like we don’t deserve to call ourselves by the title that would accompany our work. Musician, actor, sculpture, entrepreneur, programmer, writer… We add qualifiers like “I’m working on becoming an actor.” Or “I work as an accountant but my side hustle is composing.” Do I have to make money at...

How to be Angry One of the things that I find vexes us in modern society is how to be angry. Anger is not a bad thing in an of itself. It simply is an emotion. When we get angry it is because something has bothered us. We’re generally not taught how manage our anger very well. Things get pushed below the surface, when they stew and remain unresolved. We are often afraid of dealing with someone that is angry because we as a culture, at least here in the U.S., avoid talking about it and...

How often do we approach decisions in a black and white manner? We wonder if we are making the "right" choice, which often leads us to think there is only one choice. What if instead of there being a "right" choice or a "wrong" choice, we looked at choices based on their likelihood to achieve the outcome that we want? In today's episode we'll discuss the book Thinking in Bets by Annie Duke. In this book, she teaches us how to approach decisions like a poker player by understanding...

Self Ownership > “I have often wondered how it is that every man loves himself more than all the rest of men, but yet sets less value on his own opinions of himself than on the opinions of others.” > — Marcus Aurelius One of the things the Stoics teach us is that we shouldn't worry about the opinions of others. This advice is very sound and seems pretty easy when it's people that we don't really know or care that much about. When it comes to the opinions of people closest to you, this is...

Don’t Kill the Message. Often, we dismiss an idea because it makes us feel uncomfortable. We can miss out on potentially great ideas simply because we don’t like the idea. We may dismiss the idea out of hand because it conflicts with our preexisting beliefs. We may not like the idea because it could mean that we supported an opposing view, and we are often loath to admit that we were wrong. We can be blind to seeing the merits or truth of something based on our own feelings or prejudices....

Better than you? We are always comparing ourselves to others. It is the ego’s way of feeling like the self-image that is is a good one. We want to feel like we are “doing it right”. Often this means that we compare ourselves with others, making sure that we appear or at least feel like we are “better” than they are. But what does that really mean? Why are we better? Who is the judge of what is better? Can we just look at someone else and see that they are the same just that they’ve made...

What if you were able to look at the world and yourself more objectively? What if you could see things without so much judgment or emotion attached? In today's episode, we talk about a basic concept about the self from Anthony De Mello that can help us act in a more objective and less reactive manner. You can read more about this idea in the fantastic book, Awareness: The Perils and Opportunities of Reality, by Anthony De Mello.

Time is the most important, the most in-demand resource that we have in life. Are you spending yours wisely or do you let it go to waste? How much time? The most finite resource that each of us has is our time. We can always make more money, but making more time is not something that any of us can do. While we can’t ever know exactly how much time we have, each of us can learn to spend our time more wisely. >“It is not that we have a short time to live, but that we waste a lot of it. Life...

Humans are very social creatures. It is our ability to be social and to cooperate in large numbers that has enabled us to create such amazing societies. We usually feel most at home when we’re with others, but there are times when we find ourselves alone. Most of us find it rather uncomfortable. How do we learn to be alone? A friend of mine who went through a recent breakup asked me how to deal with living alone. And while I gave him a few suggestions, I thought that it was big enough...

One of the hazards of being alive is the fact that we’re never going to please everyone. We’re going to have people that will not like what we do. People are going to criticize whatever it is we’re doing. And in the 21st century, this is nowhere more apparent than in social media. This weeks episode is about how to be your best online. I’m always amazed and saddened by the vitriol and hate that I see online, especially towards women. It’s as if the anonymity of being online, that separation...

What could possibly go wrong? I think one of the biggest mistakes that we as humans make is that we are far too optimistic about how something we’re planning might go. In doing so we often fool ourselves into believing that it will work as planned, and overlook what could go wrong. In this weeks episode, we’ll discuss how we can take steps to avoid the blind spots that can easily derail us. How many times have you started a project, or tried to start a new habit, only to run into all kinds...

This weeks episode is an interview with Jeff Emtman from the Here Be Monsters podcast. This is my first time interviewing someone, and Jeff is a very interesting and thoughtful guest. We talk about life challenges, creative challenges, and what it's like to drag main. You can find Jeff's podcast at https://www.hbmpodcast.com/. It is strange, mysterious, and at times very touching. Hey friends, thanks for listening to the podcast. If you like what you hear, I would really appreciate it if...

One of the weirdest things about being a human is how we get comfortable with our habits, and resist change, while at the same time we get bored when things stay the same. In this weeks episode will talk about how to deal with the paradox of change. When one day is pretty much the same as the next, we crave variety. If something is too easy, we get bored and quickly lose interest in it. But when life throws a challenge our way we often complain and whine about how life isn’t fair. So how...

I had the good fortune of being interviewed on Memonto the Stoics with Santiago Proaño, so I'm posting it as a bonus episode. Enjoy! You can find his podcast here: https://anchor.fm/memento-the-stoics/

Are you disturbed by the political landscape that has changed so rapidly over the last 4 years? As more and more authoritarian parties come into power around the world, we see that hatred towards others - immigrants, refugees, women, minorities - seems to be at an all-time high. In these troubled times, we need to take a look at ourselves and be sure that we don’t fall into the trap of hatred and blaming others for the disappointments in our lives. When we look at today's news, we can see...

Why is it hard for us to be vulnerable, especially when it comes to those we care about the most? Partners, children, family, close friends - if these are the people we are the closest to why would be afraid to be ourselves around them? In this weeks episode we’ll talk about vulnerability and the real you. One of the hardest things in this world is to be vulnerable around others. To show people the messy, honest, truest parts of ourselves. And why is this? Why are we often so afraid to be...

Do you struggle to live up to your principles? Do feel like when you make a mistake that all your efforts were not worth it? In this weeks episode, we’re going to talk about how to approach mistakes in a much more helpful way. Some of Seneca’s best works are in the form of letters to his friend Annaeus Serenus. In these, they carry on a dialogue as to how to live a better life. In one of the letters on tranquility Serenus writes to Seneca, describing how he feels he is afflicted with a...

The Un-Pursuit of Happiness Do you struggle to find happiness within yourself? Do you despair every time you watch the news? In today’s episode, we’re going to talk about how to get over this despair and how pursuing happiness may not be the best to actually finding happiness. There’s an interesting trend in a lot of things I’ve been reading online, namely a sense of despair, hopelessness, and depression almost manifesting itself as nihilism. And why is this? Why do we feel like we’re in...

Transcript: I talk a lot on this podcast about anger because it’s something that I’ve been working to manage in my own life. And today, I want to talk about the language of anger, and about learning to redefine and talk about anger in a different way. For those that struggle with anger, we often get stuck in a bad pattern of mismanaging how we deal with strong, negative emotions. Something comes up and kicks off your fight or flight instinct kicks up and you find reacting in a way that is...