Better Sex

In this soapbox episode recorded on the road, sex therapist Jessa Zimmerman shares a concept from David Schnarch about the natural rhythm of long-term relationships: alternating comfort cycles and growth cycles. Growth cycles require effort, change, and transformation, and when partners do that work they earn a new “normal” they can relax into until the next growth phase arrives. Jessa explains that couples may be pushed into growth by external changes (such as shifts in sexual functioning or illness) or by complacency, routine, and unspoken dissatisfaction when someone avoids “rocking the boat” until it becomes urgent. She reframes these moments as normal opportunities to adapt, refocus, experiment, and reconnect, and reassures listeners that intense effort is usually temporary and leads back to renewed comfort.00:00 Show Intro00:45 On the Road Setup01:09 Comfort and Growth Cycles01:39 How Growth Creates Comfort02:39 What Triggers Growth02:46 Change and Health Events03:15 Complacency and Avoidance04:20 Reframing Crisis as Opportunity04:50 Reassurance and Takeaways05:08 Outro and Credits This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit jessazimmerman.substack.com/subscribe

On Better Sex, host and sex therapist Jessa Zimmerman interviews relationship coach Monica Tanner about her book Bad Marriage Advice, written initially for her son before his marriage. Tanner shares how her parents’ divorce and her own early marital struggles led her to study relationships and train in Relational Life Therapy and sex-related coaching. They discuss common couple dynamics (pursuer–distancer, fighting, withdrawal), how unskillful communication erodes trust and leads to resentment and “roommate syndrome,” and why thriving marriages require learned relational skills rather than fairy-tale expectations. They address sex myths, the need to discover and communicate desires, and the idea that emotional connection and sexual connection are related but distinct systems requiring intentional work. Tanner critiques clichés like “compromise,” “happy wife, happy life,” “don’t go to bed angry,” and “don’t sweat the small stuff,” and suggests practices like regular “sex talk Tuesday.”00:00 Show Intro00:45 Meet Monica Tanner01:33 Why Relationships Matter04:28 Common Couple Dynamics06:40 Romance Myths And Control08:42 How Sex Gets Impacted10:23 Love Versus Desire12:44 Jess Quick Break13:13 Bad Sex Advice Myth15:12 Compromise Versus Collaboration16:59 Cliche Advice Debunked18:33 Learning Relationship Skills21:17 Healing Childhood Wounds23:34 Rebuilding Spark And Context26:04 Book And Where To Find27:23 Final OutroWant to work with Jessa? https://www.intimacywithease.comBio:Monica Tanner, RLT trained, Relationship Coach and host of the Secrets of Happily Ever After podcast, transforms marriages with simple communication, connection, conflict resolution and commitment strategies. Her mission is to lower the divorce rate and improve marital satisfaction. Through her engaging podcast, new Amazon Best-Selling book, Bad Marriage Advice, vibrant social media community, and couple’s coaching practice, Monica's expert guidance has impacted thousands of couples, by helping them ditch resentment and roommate syndrome and get back to living their happily ever after love story.www.badmarriageadvice.comwww.monicatanner.com This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit jessazimmerman.substack.com/subscribe

Sex therapist Jessa Zimmerman discusses the “plight” of the higher-desire partner who wants sex to be part of a loving relationship but feels stuck in a catch-22: bringing it up can be labeled as pushing and create more shutdown, while staying quiet can make the lower-desire partner assume everything is fine. She encourages finding a “sweet spot” for advocating without nagging, and suggests avoiding framing the issue only as unmet needs and unhappiness, which can increase guilt and pressure. Instead, approach conversations with compassion for the lower-desire partner’s struggle, emphasize the goal of a win-win sex life both can enjoy, and highlight the emotional intimacy and connection sex can provide—not just physical release. 00:00 Better Sex Intro00:45 Higher Desire Dilemma01:57 The Catch 2202:40 Find the Sweet Spot02:58 Talk Without Pressure03:35 Compassion and Win Win04:50 Sex as Connection06:22 Closing and Next Steps Get full access to Intimacy with Ease at jessazimmerman.substack.com/subscribe

Sex therapist Jessa Zimmerman talks with Krish Phua, a certified sexologist and intimacy and sexual wellness therapist at Underneath the Moon Singapore, about applying Gary Chapman’s five love languages (physical touch, quality time, acts of service, words of affirmation, gifts) to erotic connection. They address the common misconception that “physical touch” simply means sex or entitles someone to it, emphasizing that physical touch includes many non-sexual forms of contact and that sex involves more than touch alone. Krish frames love languages in three layers—how we express love, how we want to receive it, and how we love ourselves—arguing self-love and self-awareness underpin erotic connection. He shares practical bedroom examples for physical touch (non-goal-oriented body mapping, post-climax connection), acts of service (preparing a calming space), and highlights the power of words of affirmation. They also discuss rebuilding safety, curiosity, and communication to reduce performance pressure.00:00 Show Intro00:45 Episode Setup01:53 Love Languages Basics04:15 Touch Is Not Sex05:13 Erotic Connection Map07:52 Three Layers Framework09:46 Bedroom Examples11:26 Substack Invite13:42 Reconnecting As A Couple18:25 All Five In Bed20:04 Words Of Affirmation21:42 Gifts And Generosity22:23 Where To Find Krish23:26 Podcast OutroSubscribe to Jessa on substack: https://www.intimacywithease.com/substackBio:Krish Phua is a registered Counsellor, Psychotherapist, Intimacy and Sexual Wellness Therapist and certified Clinical Supervisor. He is also a Board-Certified Diplomate and Certified Sexologist with the American Board of Sexology.Since 2013, Krish has served in diverse settings such as counselling centres, recovery centres, clinics, therapy centres, hospitals, prisons, halfway houses, special schools and educational institutions. He provides therapy in individual, couple, family and group contexts, and has facilitated mental health talks and workshops for varied communities.Krish is also an appointed Adjunct Faculty (Lecturer) for counselling and psychology subjects in private educational institutions for adult learners. He regularly publishes professional insights and reflections through blog articles.Krish holds a Master’s degree in Social Science (Professional Counselling) and Master’s degree in Business Administration (International Management).Fluent in English, Mandarin and Cantonese, Krish integrates multicultural perspectives into his therapeutic and academic work.www.underneaththemoon.com Get full access to Intimacy with Ease at jessazimmerman.substack.com/subscribe

In this soapbox episode of Better Sex, sex therapist Jessa Zimmerman shares a client-inspired lesson on how fear-based conversations can spiral into a reactive cycle that fuels negativity and creates the outcomes partners most dread. Drawing on the idea that events lead to thoughts, interpretations, emotions, and then actions, she introduces the concept of the “anti-fear”—the opposite of a feared outcome—and encourages listeners to imagine and reinforce a more empowering story instead of worst-case scenarios. She walks through how one partner relaxed quickly when focusing on feeling supported and loved, while the other found it edgy because it conflicted with a long-held belief that his needs won’t be met. By choosing a positive vision and looking for evidence that supports it, couples can respond more collaboratively and stay connected when bumps arise.00:00 Better Sex Intro00:46 Soapbox Episode Setup01:11 Fear Spiral In Couples02:04 Anti Fear Reframe03:35 Partner A Finds Evidence04:18 Partner B And Life Story05:20 Reinforce A New Narrative06:16 Try This Yourself06:47 Outro And Credits Want to learn more about my sponsored charity? Charity: Water is committed to providing clean water to every human on the planet, 100% of your contribution will be used directly for water projects around the globe. You can learn more at https://www.bettersexpodcast.com/water.I'm on Substack! This is where I am focusing my energy to connect with the people who I seek to serve. Come visit: More info and resources:Secret Podcast for the Higher Desire Partner: https://www.intimacywithease.com/hdppodcastSecret Podcast for the Lower Desire Partner: https://www.intimacywithease.com/ldppodcastHow Big a Problem is Your Sex Life? Quiz – https://www.sexlifequiz.comThe Course – https://www.intimacywithease.comThe Book – https://www.sexwithoutstress.comPodcast Website – https://www.intimacywithease.comAccess the Free webinar: Intimacy Made Easy: 3 Secrets to Bridging Libido Differences: https://intimacywithease.com/masterclass Get full access to Intimacy with Ease at jessazimmerman.substack.com/subscribe

Sex therapist Jessa Zimmerman interviews Freya Graf about yoni mapping therapy and how she combines it with internal pelvic release work. Freya shares how her own history of shame, body image struggles, and fear around intimacy led her into this work, explains what “yoni” means and why she’s moving toward more clinical language, and walks through a typical 3–4 hour session (extended intake/sex education, home practices, full-body massage, external vulva mapping, and optional internal vaginal/pelvic floor massage). They discuss who seeks the work (prenatal/postnatal support, vaginismus, painful sex, pelvic tension, PMS, education, trauma and consent violations), why pace and client-led consent matter, how trauma can surface, and the importance of thorough training. Freya also offers guidance on vetting practitioners and shares her online course, coaching, podcast, and website for those without local access.00:00 Show Introduction00:45 Meet the Guest02:01 Why This Work Matters05:08 What Yoni Means07:51 How Sessions Work13:07 How Many Sessions14:24 Quick Quiz Break14:51 Who It Helps17:58 Consent and Empowerment20:19 Common Reasons Clients Come21:11 Partner Involvement Question21:27 Partner In Sessions23:24 Trauma Screening Approach27:03 Training And Safety29:26 Finding A Practitioner33:10 Consent And Boundaries34:31 Online Course And Resources38:28 Closing And CreditsTake Jessa's quizzes at https://www.desirediscrepancy.comFreya's Bio:Freya Graf is a Holistic Sex Educator & Coach and Yoni Mapping Therapist with a passion for holistic health and personal development. She keeps it real, raw and relatable when it comes to talking about sex, relating and bodies, and is on a mission to dismantle the shame, taboo and stigma shrouding these important topics by having open and vulnerable conversations about them through her work with women and on her hilarious podcast The Labia Lounge.With a background of study in Kahuna massage, internal pelvic release work, facilitation, early learning, yoga teaching, tantric bodywork and sacred sexuality, Freya works to inspire, educate and empower, supporting you to cultivate a fulfilling and life changing relationship with your body and sexuality!Freya offers one-on-one Yoni Mapping Therapy (YMT) and Internal Pelvic Release Work (IPRW) sessions for vulva-owners, as well as online sex coaching and education programs for the whole gender spectrum. She has launched an epic 3 month online course called Queen Out and pours her heart, soul and lots of laughter into her podcast The Labia Lounge where she interviews incredible guests about all things womanhood, sex, vaginas, relationships, holistic health and self development!- A podcast episode about yoni mapping: https://youtu.be/eO8Plj6-Coc?si=ss8qabcwtC_NqB8t- How to choose a yoni mapping practitioner:Blog: https://www.freyagraf.com/vagina-chronicles-blog/how-to-choose-a-yoni-massage-practitionerYouTube video: https://youtu.be/IVCsP6AmpmA?si=7AQc_QKwFw7-Ac3Y - Online course: https://www.freyagraf.com/online-course- Free mini course on female pleasure - a great place to get started if people are curious: https://www.freyagraf.com/freebieswww.freyagraf.comthe Labia Lounge Podcast Want to learn more about my sponsored charity? Charity: Water is committed to providing clean water to every human on the planet, 100% of your contribution will be used directly for water projects around the globe. You can learn more at https://www.bettersexpodcast.com/water. More info and resources: Secret Podcast for the Higher Desire Partner: https://www.intimacywithease.com/hdppodcast Secret Podcast for the Lower Desire Partner: https://www.intimacywithease.com/ldppodcast How Big a Problem is Your Sex Life? Quiz – https://www.sexlifequiz.com The Course – https://www.intimacywithease.com The Book – https://www.sexwithoutstress.com Podcast Website – https://www.intimacywithease.com Access the Free webinar: Intimacy Made Easy: 3 Secrets to Bridging Libido Differences:...

Sex therapist Jessa Zimmerman continues last week’s discussion about the potential of MDMA-assisted couples work, emphasizing she is not encouraging MDMA use because it remains a Schedule I illegal substance outside of research. Drawing from a recent 30-hour MDMA-assisted therapy training, she shares several couple “games” that can be helpful with or without an altered state: an appreciation game where partners slowly exchange gratitudes to deepen connection and nervous system regulation; a curiosity game focused on asking authentic, non-adversarial questions and answering truthfully (or passing); a simple difficult-conversation protocol that names fears, desired outcomes, and invites gentle response; and a win-win brainstorming question to generate solutions that meet both partners’ needs. She invites listeners to try the exercises and share feedback, and closes with podcast housekeeping and credits. 00:00 Welcome to Better Sex 00:46 MDMA and Couples Therapy 01:41 Legal Status and Disclaimer 02:51 Appreciation Game 03:51 Curiosity Game 05:04 Difficult Conversation Protocol 06:10 Win Win Brainstorming 07:30 Wrap Up and Listener Call 07:45 Outro and Credits Want to learn more about my sponsored charity? Charity: Water is committed to providing clean water to every human on the planet, 100% of your contribution will be used directly for water projects around the globe. You can learn more at https://www.bettersexpodcast.com/water. More info and resources: Secret Podcast for the Higher Desire Partner: https://www.intimacywithease.com/hdppodcast Secret Podcast for the Lower Desire Partner: https://www.intimacywithease.com/ldppodcast How Big a Problem is Your Sex Life? Quiz – https://www.sexlifequiz.com The Course – https://www.intimacywithease.com The Book – https://www.sexwithoutstress.com Podcast Website – https://www.intimacywithease.com Access the Free webinar: Intimacy Made Easy: 3 Secrets to Bridging Libido Differences: https://intimacywithease.com/masterclass

Sex therapist Jessa Zimmerman interviews Elana Auerbach about her book, “The Sure Thing: A Pleasure Practice to Revive the Spark,” and how a consistent weekly intimacy ritual can rebuild connection in long-term relationships. Elana shares her background as a “good girl” who followed an expected life path, her divorce after realizing a lack of chemistry, and later meeting her husband Bill through a San Francisco pleasure community. After years of desire mismatch, resentment, and trying typical sex advice without success, they created a weekly “sure thing” practice focused on intention, closeness, and taking 100% responsibility for one’s own pleasure rather than performance goals. They discuss responsive desire, preparation cues, the guiding question “what would be most pleasurable right now?”, working with partner resistance, addressing shame, and Elana’s “love ripples” actions to spread connection beyond the bedroom. 00:00 Show Intro 00:46 Meet Elana Auerbach 01:43 Good Girl Conveyor Belt 02:45 Marriage Without Chemistry 04:06 Choosing Divorce Truthfully 05:27 Pleasure Community Awakening 07:22 Parenthood Desire Gap 09:30 Shabbat Sure Thing Idea 11:08 Starting Weekly Practice 12:34 Why It Works Fast 13:34 Embodied Sexy Music 14:07 Midshow Coaching Break 14:35 Intentions Not Sex Goals 16:32 Creative Pleasure Mindset 17:22 Know What You Want 18:19 Sure Thing Ritual Ideas 19:30 Most Pleasurable Now 20:29 When Partners Resist 22:48 Shame On Who 24:14 Love Ripples Practice 25:27 Can Pleasure Change World 26:33 Where To Find Book 28:09 Final Thanks And Outro How to work with Jessa: https://www.intimacywithease.com Bio: Elana Auerbach is a lover, mother, mentor, activist, and priestess. She spent her childhood and young adulthood on what she calls “the conveyor belt of life,” being the good girl and doing what others expected of her. This looked like graduating Phi Beta Kappa from UCLA, working on Wall Street for a Japanese investment bank, and marrying someone with whom she felt no chemistry. It all fell apart in 2001 when Elana realized she’d been living a lie and found the courage to leave her marriage. She entered a world of sensuality and sex in a San Francisco pleasure-centered community. This is where she met Bill, who would become her loverman for life. While Elana has a wealth of professional experience guiding people deeper into their bodies and their pleasure, The Sure Thing comes directly from her personal life. After years of frustration and failed gimmicks to try to respark the passion in her 20-year marriage, Elana created The Sure Thing. She wrote this book because she wants everyone to have access to this life altering practice. www. surethingexperiment.com Want to learn more about my sponsored charity? Charity: Water is committed to providing clean water to every human on the planet, 100% of your contribution will be used directly for water projects around the globe. You can learn more at https://www.bettersexpodcast.com/water. More info and resources: Secret Podcast for the Higher Desire Partner: https://www.intimacywithease.com/hdppodcast Secret Podcast for the Lower Desire Partner: https://www.intimacywithease.com/ldppodcast How Big a Problem is Your Sex Life? Quiz – https://www.sexlifequiz.com The Course – https://www.intimacywithease.com The Book – https://www.sexwithoutstress.com Podcast Website – https://www.intimacywithease.com Access the Free webinar: Intimacy Made Easy: 3 Secrets to Bridging Libido Differences: https://intimacywithease.com/masterclass

Sex therapist Jess Zimmerman shares what she’s learning from a 30-hour training on guiding people who choose to use MDMA (Ecstasy/Molly), emphasizing she is not endorsing illegal substance use and is focused on the research and potential pending FDA approval. She describes MAPS’s Phase 3 clinical trials using an MDMA-assisted protocol for severe, treatment-resistant PTSD, noting results where about two-thirds of participants no longer meet PTSD diagnostic criteria, though the FDA has requested more long-term safety data and has not approved it yet. Jessa explains proposed mechanisms such as increased serotonin, dopamine, and oxytocin and reduced fear/defensiveness, and discusses why this could be promising for couples therapy by enabling deeper, less reactive conversations and breakthroughs, supported by integration sessions. She invites listeners to follow her work via www.heartweaveforcouples.com. 00:00 Show Intro 00:47 Soapbox Topic MDMA 01:09 Training And Disclaimer 01:46 MAPS Research Update 02:24 PTSD Protocol Results 03:01 FDA Status And Concerns 03:43 Why Couples Could Benefit 04:47 Therapy Breakthrough Potential 06:03 Heart Weave And Next Steps 06:50 Outro And Credits Want to learn more about my sponsored charity? Charity: Water is committed to providing clean water to every human on the planet, 100% of your contribution will be used directly for water projects around the globe. You can learn more at https://www.bettersexpodcast.com/water. More info and resources: Secret Podcast for the Higher Desire Partner: https://www.intimacywithease.com/hdppodcast Secret Podcast for the Lower Desire Partner: https://www.intimacywithease.com/ldppodcast How Big a Problem is Your Sex Life? Quiz – https://www.sexlifequiz.com The Course – https://www.intimacywithease.com The Book – https://www.sexwithoutstress.com Podcast Website – https://www.intimacywithease.com Access the Free webinar: Intimacy Made Easy: 3 Secrets to Bridging Libido Differences: https://intimacywithease.com/masterclass

Sex therapist Jessa Zimmerman interviews Jeremy Lipkowitz about porn addiction (or compulsive/problematic porn use) through a Buddhist-informed lens that frames addiction as using rewarding behaviors to escape or numb unpleasant emotions. Jeremy shares his own history of escalating porn use from childhood into college and describes subtle harms including impacts on intimacy, bedroom functioning, productivity, secrecy and lying, and increasingly unrealistic expectations of partners, alongside neuroplasticity and addiction to novelty. They discuss the Rat Park experiment to emphasize how addiction takes hold more easily in an unfulfilled life, and outline Buddhist concepts such as craving vs. attraction, the “realm of hungry ghosts,” aversion, and equanimity. Jeremy explains toxic shame versus healthy “pro-social” shame (moral shame and moral dread) and highlights recovery pillars: self-awareness, clarifying future direction, training equanimity via meditation, and connection/community with accountability. He mentions his remote men’s group, Unhooked Academy. 00:00 Show Intro 00:54 Porn Addiction Framing 02:18 Jeremy Origin Story 03:38 Buddhist View Addiction 06:33 When Use Becomes Harm 09:57 Rat Park Explained 12:14 Age Exposure Matters 16:02 Crossing Into Problem 19:18 Unrealistic Expectations 21:30 Hungry Ghosts Craving 24:05 Aversion And Suffering 25:06 Toxic Shame Spiral 27:08 Healthy Shame Explained 29:11 Moral Dread And Compass 30:26 Mindfulness For Recovery 35:28 Equanimity Not Escaping 38:57 Community And Accountability 42:58 Unhooked Academy And Wrap Take the quizzes at https://www.desirediscreapancy.com Bio: Jeremy Lipkowitz is a former Buddhist monk, meditation teacher, and ICF-certified executive coach who helps high-achieving men break free from compulsive behaviors—especially porn addiction—and build lives of integrity, discipline, and deep fulfillment. With over 13 years of meditation experience and hundreds of days spent in silent retreat, Jeremy blends ancient wisdom with cutting-edge science to guide individuals toward emotional resilience and personal freedom. A former genetic researcher who earned Bachelor’s and Master’s degrees in Genetics & Genomics and pursued a PhD at Duke University, Jeremy left academia after confronting his own struggles with addiction, shame, and self-judgment. A brief period of monastic training in Myanmar deepened his mindfulness practice and marked the start of a lifelong commitment to personal growth and service. As the founder of Unhooked Academy and host of the Unhooked Podcast, Jeremy is a leading voice in destigmatizing porn addiction and educating the public on effective, science-based recovery strategies. His work helps men overcome shame, understand the neuroscience of addiction, and create lasting transformation through mindfulness, emotional intelligence, and habit change. For over a decade, Jeremy has taught at universities, recovery centers, and global companies across the U.S. and Asia. His calm, grounded presence and ability to bridge analytical thinking with inner work make him a sought-after guide for professionals and executives looking to reclaim their lives from digital distractions and self-sabotaging patterns. unhookedacademy.com Want to learn more about my sponsored charity? Charity: Water is committed to providing clean water to every human on the planet, 100% of your contribution will be used directly for water projects around the globe. You can learn more at https://www.bettersexpodcast.com/water. More info and resources: Secret Podcast for the Higher Desire Partner: https://www.intimacywithease.com/hdppodcast Secret Podcast for the Lower Desire Partner: https://www.intimacywithease.com/ldppodcast How Big a Problem is Your Sex Life? Quiz – https://www.sexlifequiz.com The Course – https://www.intimacywithease.com The Book – https://www.sexwithoutstress.com Podcast Website – https://www.intimacywithease.com Access the Free...

Want to learn more about my sponsored charity? Charity: Water is committed to providing clean water to every human on the planet, 100% of your contribution will be used directly for water projects around the globe. You can learn more at https://www.bettersexpodcast.com/water. More info and resources: Secret Podcast for the Higher Desire Partner: https://www.intimacywithease.com/hdppodcast Secret Podcast for the Lower Desire Partner: https://www.intimacywithease.com/ldppodcast How Big a Problem is Your Sex Life? Quiz – https://www.sexlifequiz.com The Course – https://www.intimacywithease.com The Book – https://www.sexwithoutstress.com Podcast Website – https://www.intimacywithease.com Access the Free webinar: Intimacy Made Easy: 3 Secrets to Bridging Libido Differences: https://intimacywithease.com/masterclass

Sex therapist Jessa Zimmerman hosts Dr. Jennifer Berman to discuss menopause, sexual health, and individualized hormone care. Berman explains how witnessing the medical disparity after Viagra’s rise pushed her to pioneer women’s sexual health, and how her own early perimenopause shaped her work with hormone replacement therapy (HRT). They address common menopause symptoms and argue sexual health is clinically significant and tied to overall wellness. Berman emphasizes that estrogen does not cause breast cancer, critiques the legacy of the WHI study and synthetic oral hormones, and explains current bioidentical approaches and why testosterone for women is often compounded. She introduces her genetic test, the Menopause Biotype, which aims to predict symptom patterns, disease risks, and hormone metabolism to tailor treatment, discusses a subgroup still struggling with mood issues and emerging ketamine therapy, and shares how she evaluates patients using labs, genetics, symptoms, and sometimes pellet timing. 00:00 Show Intro 00:45 Menopause Episode Setup 01:49 Why Dr Berman Cares 02:13 Viagra Era Wake Up Call 04:07 Her Perimenopause Journey 06:16 Why Care Is Changing Now 07:37 Reframing Menopause Aging Well 09:10 Hormones Beyond Symptoms 11:41 Sexual Health Is Health 13:14 Desire Gap And Libido Mismatch 15:25 Midroll Free Resources 15:51 HRT Myths And WHI Fallout 18:02 Bioidentical Vs Synthetic Hormones 19:12 Testosterone Access Challenges 19:40 Personalized Hormone Dosing 20:50 Menopause Biotype Genetic Test 21:19 Predicting Symptoms and Risks 22:13 Genes and Mental Health Subtypes 24:54 Ketamine and Neuroplasticity 27:31 Treatment Workflow and Labs 29:19 Pellets and Individual Targets 31:39 Perimenopause Signs and Timing 33:29 Starting HRT Later in Life 35:33 Where to Follow and Peptides 38:24 Podcast Wrap Up All of Jessa's desire discrepancy resources: https://www.desirediscrepancy.com Bio: Modern feminism fought for equal pay, representation, and choice — but the next frontier of equality is biochemical. Despite decades of research proving the benefits of hormone therapy for cognition, vitality, and longevity, women remain under-treated, under-tested, and over-pathologized. Dr. Jennifer Berman argues that access to hormone therapy, especially testosterone, isn’t a luxury — it’s a fundamental right tied to a woman’s ability to live, work, and age with autonomy and strength. Denying women evidence-based HRT isn’t just a medical gap; it’s a civil rights issue rooted in gender bias. This conversation goes far beyond hot flashes. It’s about productivity, mental health, neuroprotection, and the freedom to perform at full biological capacity — without stigma, fear, or institutional barriers. A pioneer who founded UCLA’s Female Sexual Medicine Center, Dr. Berman now leads what she calls the next revolution in medicine: biochemical equality. Through her Menopause Biotype™ — a DNA and AI-powered tool that ends hormone guesswork — she’s redefining how women age, reclaiming their capacity, power, and edge in every arena of life. Want to learn more about my sponsored charity? Charity: Water is committed to providing clean water to every human on the planet, 100% of your contribution will be used directly for water projects around the globe. You can learn more at https://www.bettersexpodcast.com/water. More info and resources: Secret Podcast for the Higher Desire Partner: https://www.intimacywithease.com/hdppodcast Secret Podcast for the Lower Desire Partner: https://www.intimacywithease.com/ldppodcast How Big a Problem is Your Sex Life? Quiz – https://www.sexlifequiz.com The Course – https://www.intimacywithease.com The Book – https://www.sexwithoutstress.com Podcast Website – https://www.intimacywithease.com Access the Free webinar: Intimacy Made Easy: 3 Secrets to Bridging Libido Differences: https://intimacywithease.com/masterclass

Sex therapist Jessa Zimmerman shares a “soapbox” episode addressing a common belief among lower desire partners: “I can’t win; it’ll never be enough.” She explains this mindset becomes self-defeating when the goalposts are set by the higher desire partner’s satisfaction instead of treating intimacy as a shared playing field where both meet in the middle. Zimmerman outlines the lower desire partner’s role as being willing to engage in the topic, identify and address obstacles that create stress or block pleasure, and explore what could help them access desire, arousal, or enjoyable physical pleasure some of the time. She also notes the higher desire partner’s work includes adjusting expectations, broadening what counts as sex, focusing on pleasure and connection, clearly asking for what they want, and celebrating “no” when needed. 00:00 Show Intro 00:46 Soapbox Topic Setup 01:07 Why It Feels Hopeless 02:21 Lower Desire Partner Work 02:59 Accessing Desire and Pleasure 03:43 Higher Desire Partner Work 04:04 Reframing as Teamwork 04:28 Outro and Credits Want to learn more about my sponsored charity? Charity: Water is committed to providing clean water to every human on the planet, 100% of your contribution will be used directly for water projects around the globe. You can learn more at https://www.bettersexpodcast.com/water. More info and resources: Secret Podcast for the Higher Desire Partner: https://www.intimacywithease.com/hdppodcast Secret Podcast for the Lower Desire Partner: https://www.intimacywithease.com/ldppodcast How Big a Problem is Your Sex Life? Quiz – https://www.sexlifequiz.com The Course – https://www.intimacywithease.com The Book – https://www.sexwithoutstress.com Podcast Website – https://www.intimacywithease.com Access the Free webinar: Intimacy Made Easy: 3 Secrets to Bridging Libido Differences: https://intimacywithease.com/masterclass

Sex therapist Jessa Zimmerman interviews Heather Howard, a sexuality counselor and financial coach, about the strong parallels between money and sex in couples’ relationships. Howard shares how pelvic pain shifted her from a finance career into sex counseling and later into financial coaching after repeatedly seeing money conflicts fueling distance, resentment, and desire problems. They discuss patterns like one partner becoming the “driver” while the other withdraws, how power imbalances show up in both sexual desire discrepancy and finances, and how financial control can undermine authentic consent. They explore the role of entrenched narratives and upbringing in shaping beliefs about sex and money, the impact of shame and secrecy including financial infidelity, and Howard’s solution-focused approach emphasizing safety, skills training, accountability, and aligning money behaviors with values. Howard explains how to contact her for online coaching via heatherhoward.com/meet. 00:00 Show Intro 00:45 Meet Heather Howard 01:46 From Finance to Sex Therapy 03:25 Why Money Enters the Bedroom 05:10 Desire and Money Dynamics 07:52 Power Imbalances and Entitlement 09:46 Consent Needs Financial Safety 11:55 Unpacking Sex and Money Stories 14:40 Heather’s Coaching Approach 18:32 Masterclass Break 19:02 Sharing Financial Responsibility 19:43 Fixing Money Patterns 20:48 Money Anxiety and Skills 22:07 Building Self Trust 23:21 Financial Infidelity Secrets 27:57 Drama Debt Cycles 28:34 First Steps and Support 32:51 Finding a Coach 35:19 Closing and Credits Jessa's Webinar: https://www.intimacywithease.com/masterclass Bio: Dr. Heather Howard is a sexuality counselor and financial coach who helps individuals and couples build healthier relationships with sex, money, or both. Using a nonjudgmental, education-based approach, she supports clients in clarifying values, developing practical skills, and creating systems that align daily behavior with what matters most. Heather works with clients to reduce shame, strengthen communication around traditionally taboo topics, and build shared understanding and decision-making that fosters emotional connection and long-term sexual and financial well-being. Want to learn more about my sponsored charity? Charity: Water is committed to providing clean water to every human on the planet, 100% of your contribution will be used directly for water projects around the globe. You can learn more at https://www.bettersexpodcast.com/water. More info and resources: Secret Podcast for the Higher Desire Partner: https://www.intimacywithease.com/hdppodcast Secret Podcast for the Lower Desire Partner: https://www.intimacywithease.com/ldppodcast How Big a Problem is Your Sex Life? Quiz – https://www.sexlifequiz.com The Course – https://www.intimacywithease.com The Book – https://www.sexwithoutstress.com Podcast Website – https://www.intimacywithease.com Access the Free webinar: Intimacy Made Easy: 3 Secrets to Bridging Libido Differences: https://intimacywithease.com/masterclass

In a soapbox episode, sex therapist Jessa Zimmerman responds to an email from a listener whose wife says she isn’t interested in fixing their sex life and accuses him of only caring about sex. Jessa explains there can still be hope and outlines three areas to explore: the overall relationship (conflict, lack of emotional connection, feeling like roommates), the couple’s entrenched desire-difference dynamics (pressure, focusing on frequency, treating the lower-desire partner as the problem, goal-oriented sex that creates obligation), and individual factors affecting the lower-desire partner (stress, exhaustion, mental health, parenting demands). She encourages higher-desire partners to build connection, show compassion for the guilt and shame lower-desire partners often feel, reduce pressure, and invite conversations about what’s in the way so intimacy can become fulfilling for both. 00:00 Show Intro 00:46 Soapbox Setup 01:01 The Unsubscribe Email 02:37 Three Hopeful Angles 02:39 Rebuild Connection First 03:50 Desire Difference Traps 04:54 Compassion Over Pressure 08:00 Life Stress Blocks Desire 08:54 Closing Hope and Next Steps 09:43 Outro and Credits Want to learn more about my sponsored charity? Charity: Water is committed to providing clean water to every human on the planet, 100% of your contribution will be used directly for water projects around the globe. You can learn more at https://www.bettersexpodcast.com/water. More info and resources: Secret Podcast for the Higher Desire Partner: https://www.intimacywithease.com/hdppodcast Secret Podcast for the Lower Desire Partner: https://www.intimacywithease.com/ldppodcast How Big a Problem is Your Sex Life? Quiz – https://www.sexlifequiz.com The Course – https://www.intimacywithease.com The Book – https://www.sexwithoutstress.com Podcast Website – https://www.intimacywithease.com Access the Free webinar: Intimacy Made Easy: 3 Secrets to Bridging Libido Differences: https://intimacywithease.com/masterclass

Sex therapist Jess Zimmerman interviews biohacker and author Jay Campbell about hormone optimization and metabolic health as foundations for wellbeing, longevity, libido, and sexual function. Campbell shares how discovering very low testosterone after a sports injury led him into researching therapeutic hormones, peptides, and lifestyle interventions, eventually writing bestselling books and a new book on GLP-1 peptides and proper microdosing with supportive lifestyle changes. They discuss endocrine disruption, common hormone deficiencies, and key labs and hormones to assess—especially free testosterone, estradiol, and progesterone—emphasizing women being underserved in testosterone therapy after the WHI. Campbell outlines symptoms like fatigue, low dopamine/brain fog, belly fat, and insulin resistance, and recommends insulin-controlled eating, resistance and cardio training, stress reduction through daily mind-stilling practices, and consistent routines to improve health and sexual wellbeing. 00:00 Show Intro 00:46 Meet Jay Campbell 01:48 Testosterone Wake Up Call 03:26 Biohacking To Author 05:43 Endocrine Disruptors 07:53 Metabolic Health Link 08:33 Key Hormones Explained 10:28 Women And HRT Myths 16:02 Microdosing GLP One 17:08 Midroll And Coaching 17:37 Symptoms And Sex Signs 19:29 Therapeutic Hormone Jumpstart 20:39 Libido and Sexual Function 23:14 Biohacker vs Clinical Goals 23:45 Diet and Insulin Control 25:37 Training for Longevity 28:23 Blue Zones and Leanness 29:04 Incline Walking for Fat Loss 30:24 Stress and Stilling Mind 34:39 Where to Find Jay 35:52 Podcast Wrap Up Want to work with Jessa? Visit https://www.intimacywithease.com Bio: Jay Campbell is a 5x international bestselling author, globally recognized authority on hormone optimization, metabolic health, and longevity. He’s passionate about educating individuals on how to optimize their hormones and metabolism for long-term vitality, energy, and performance. Jay’s work helps people break free from conventional “sick-care” systems and embrace health strategies that promote longevity, peak performance, and overall well-being. He is widely recognized for his cutting-edge insights into peptides, metabolic repair, and sustainable aging. jaycampbell.com/free-info biolongevitylabs.com JAYC code Want to learn more about my sponsored charity? Charity: Water is committed to providing clean water to every human on the planet, 100% of your contribution will be used directly for water projects around the globe. You can learn more at https://www.bettersexpodcast.com/water. More info and resources: Secret Podcast for the Higher Desire Partner: https://www.intimacywithease.com/hdppodcast Secret Podcast for the Lower Desire Partner: https://www.intimacywithease.com/ldppodcast How Big a Problem is Your Sex Life? Quiz – https://www.sexlifequiz.com The Course – https://www.intimacywithease.com The Book – https://www.sexwithoutstress.com Podcast Website – https://www.intimacywithease.com Access the Free webinar: Intimacy Made Easy: 3 Secrets to Bridging Libido Differences: https://intimacywithease.com/masterclass

Sex therapist Jessa Zimmerman shares a soapbox episode on three common apology mistakes that prevent real relationship repair. First, apologizing too quickly can skip the empathy your partner needs to feel understood, so she encourages “climbing into their movie” before taking accountability. Second, phrases like “I’m sorry you feel that way” or “I’m sorry that happened to you” misuse “I’m sorry,” which she reserves for responsibility and remorse, and can sound judgmental; she suggests using clearer empathic language instead. Third, adding “but” after an apology turns it into an explanation or excuse that undermines repair, so an apology should fully own the specific behavior and its impact. 00:00 Show Intro 00:46 Soapbox Setup 01:22 Mistake One Too Fast 02:51 Mistake Two Misusing Sorry 04:31 Mistake Three Sorry But 05:25 Wrap Up Take Ownership 05:51 Outro And Credits Want to learn more about my sponsored charity? Charity: Water is committed to providing clean water to every human on the planet, 100% of your contribution will be used directly for water projects around the globe. You can learn more at https://www.bettersexpodcast.com/water. More info and resources: Secret Podcast for the Higher Desire Partner: https://www.intimacywithease.com/hdppodcast Secret Podcast for the Lower Desire Partner: https://www.intimacywithease.com/ldppodcast How Big a Problem is Your Sex Life? Quiz – https://www.sexlifequiz.com The Course – https://www.intimacywithease.com The Book – https://www.sexwithoutstress.com Podcast Website – https://www.intimacywithease.com Access the Free webinar: Intimacy Made Easy: 3 Secrets to Bridging Libido Differences: https://intimacywithease.com/masterclass

Sex therapist Jessa Zimmerman interviews Darshana Avila (featured on Netflix’s Sex, Love & Goop) about “erotic wholeness,” defined as integrating all parts of ourselves and relating to eroticism as life-force vitality that can fuel sexuality, creativity, and relationships. They explore how people-pleasing functions as a protective strategy—suppressing authenticity to maintain connection—and how it undermines both pleasure and intimacy. In long-term relationships, this often appears as partners (often women in heterosexual dynamics) not knowing what they like, feeling shame about needs such as taking longer to warm up, or fearing rejection for expressing desires. They discuss sexual scripts, shame, disappointment tolerance, consent (including Betty Martin’s Wheel of Consent), and practical steps: identify people-pleasing, work with fear/scarcity, clarify authentic desires and boundaries, and build communication skills with professional and relational support. 00:00 Show Introduction 00:49 Meet Darshana Avila 01:51 Her Path to This Work 03:26 Erotic Wholeness Defined 06:18 Choiceful Self Leadership 07:32 People Pleasing Explained 09:08 How It Shows Up in Sex 12:41 Owning Desire Without Shame 15:16 Rewriting the Sex Script 18:19 Mid Episode Quiz Break 18:47 Mutuality Helps Both Partners 19:38 Mutual Desire Basics 20:24 People Pleasing Blocks Intimacy 21:26 Building Disappointment Tolerance 22:18 Shame Spirals and Meaning 23:03 Dont Yuck the Yum 23:38 Golden Shower Lesson 24:42 Responding with Gratitude 25:19 Finding the Venn Overlap 27:19 Consent and the No 28:36 No as a Pivot 29:36 First Steps to Change 33:08 Vulnerability as Litmus Test 35:47 Support and Where to Find Her 36:55 Podcast Wrap Up My quizzes can be found at https://www.desirediscrepancy.com Bio: Darshana Avila is a trauma-informed somatic educator, practitioner and international speaker who helps people reconnect with the most essential aspects of themselves — their truth, their desires, and their capacity for profound pleasure and power. Known for her grounded, candid, and relational approach, she bridges the worlds of embodiment, emotional intelligence, and personal agency with depth and accessibility. Darshana’s work has been featured on Netflix’s Sex, Love & goop, The Guardian, The New Yorker, and numerous leading podcasts. Want to learn more about my sponsored charity? Charity: Water is committed to providing clean water to every human on the planet, 100% of your contribution will be used directly for water projects around the globe. You can learn more at https://www.bettersexpodcast.com/water. More info and resources: Secret Podcast for the Higher Desire Partner: https://www.intimacywithease.com/hdppodcast Secret Podcast for the Lower Desire Partner: https://www.intimacywithease.com/ldppodcast How Big a Problem is Your Sex Life? Quiz – https://www.sexlifequiz.com The Course – https://www.intimacywithease.com The Book – https://www.sexwithoutstress.com Podcast Website – https://www.intimacywithease.com Access the Free webinar: Intimacy Made Easy: 3 Secrets to Bridging Libido Differences: https://intimacywithease.com/masterclass

In this soapbox episode of The Better Sex Podcast, sex therapist Jessa Zimmerman discusses the power of staying positive by questioning the stories and interpretations our brains create. She explains how people often react to filtered, meaning-filled perceptions rather than reality, then reinforce negative narratives—especially in relationships—by focusing on blame, hopelessness, and how stuck things feel. Jess argues this mindset is inaccurate, disempowering, and self-sabotaging because it shapes how we show up with our partners and invites defensiveness, conflict, or withdrawal. She encourages listeners to develop skepticism about their interpretations, broaden perspective, and choose thoughts and emotions that feel better and create more possibility. By focusing on what’s on “your side of the court,” including how you feel, think, and act, you can change the relational dynamic and move toward the connection you want. 00:00 Welcome to Better Sex 00:44 Soapbox Episode Setup 01:55 Why Stories Trap Us 03:35 The Cost of Negative Narratives 05:19 Challenge Your Interpretation 07:18 Control Your Side 07:42 Invitation to Shift Mindset 08:12 Outro and Credits Want to learn more about my sponsored charity? Charity: Water is committed to providing clean water to every human on the planet, 100% of your contribution will be used directly for water projects around the globe. You can learn more at https://www.bettersexpodcast.com/water. More info and resources: Secret Podcast for the Higher Desire Partner: https://www.intimacywithease.com/hdppodcast Secret Podcast for the Lower Desire Partner: https://www.intimacywithease.com/ldppodcast How Big a Problem is Your Sex Life? Quiz – https://www.sexlifequiz.com The Course – https://www.intimacywithease.com The Book – https://www.sexwithoutstress.com Podcast Website – https://www.intimacywithease.com Access the Free webinar: Intimacy Made Easy: 3 Secrets to Bridging Libido Differences: https://intimacywithease.com/masterclass

Sex therapist Jessa Zimmerman interviews Mandy Salley of the Woodhull Foundation about sexual freedom as a human right rooted in bodily autonomy and the ability to say yes or no. Mandy shares how peer sex education in college, graduate training in social work and human sexuality, and years volunteering with Woodhull led to her advocacy work blending sexuality, policy, and activism. They discuss how shame-based sex education limits curiosity and knowledge, and how free speech and online censorship affect sexual health information. Mandy outlines Woodhull’s current policy work, including opposing a proposed South Carolina abortion ban, Colorado’s trans bathroom ban, and state age-verification laws that threaten privacy and data security. She also notes concerns about intersex medical interventions and gender-affirming care bans. The episode ends with practical ways to get involved locally and how to find Woodhull’s resources. 00:00 Show Intro 00:56 Meet Mandy Sally 01:52 Her Path to Woodhull 06:17 Sex Ed Gaps and Shame 09:50 Defining Sexual Freedom 11:06 Censorship and Algo Speak 13:12 Quick Quiz Break 13:39 US vs Global Perspectives 17:02 Woodhull Policy Priorities 18:20 Age Verification and Privacy 22:46 Intersex and Care Bans 23:51 How to Get Involved 26:42 Find Woodhull Resources 28:55 Closing and Credits Take my quizzes at https://www.desirediscrepancy.com Bio: Mandy Salley brings her passion for social justice and love for humanity to the Woodhull Freedom Foundation as its Chief Operations Officer (COO). Since 2014 when she first served as a volunteer coordinator, Mandy plays an integral role at Woodhull, now managing its day-to-day operations and community efforts – from its Human Rights Commissions to the monthly Censorship of Sexual Freedom Series. Mandy is also a licensed Social Worker and has experience in inpatient hospitals, geriatric day programs, and rape crises. She is based in Brooklyn, NY. www.woodhullfoundation.org Want to learn more about my sponsored charity? Charity: Water is committed to providing clean water to every human on the planet, 100% of your contribution will be used directly for water projects around the globe. You can learn more at https://www.bettersexpodcast.com/water. More info and resources: Secret Podcast for the Higher Desire Partner: https://www.intimacywithease.com/hdppodcast Secret Podcast for the Lower Desire Partner: https://www.intimacywithease.com/ldppodcast How Big a Problem is Your Sex Life? Quiz – https://www.sexlifequiz.com The Course – https://www.intimacywithease.com The Book – https://www.sexwithoutstress.com Podcast Website – https://www.intimacywithease.com Access the Free webinar: Intimacy Made Easy: 3 Secrets to Bridging Libido Differences: https://intimacywithease.com/masterclass