Better Sex

In this episode of BetterSex, host Jessa Zimmerman interviews nurse practitioner and sexual health expert, Maureen Ryan. Topics include the importance of discussing sexual health with medical providers, tips for patients to advocate for their sexual health, and the common issues like erectile dysfunction, low desire, sexual performance anxiety, and painful sex. Maureen shares her journey into the field, emphasizing the need for healthcare providers to ask the right questions and provide a safe, non-judgmental environment for patients to discuss intimate concerns. She also highlights the necessity of ongoing education and skills for medical professionals to improve patient care. 00:00 Introduction to BetterSex Podcast 00:46 Meet Maureen Ryan: Passionate About Sexual Health 01:29 Maureen's Journey into Sexual Health 04:43 Challenges in Addressing Sexual Health 06:18 Importance of Healthcare Providers in Sexual Health 09:49 How to Advocate for Your Sexual Health 14:13 Overcoming Dismissive Healthcare Responses 16:32 Educating Healthcare Providers on Sexual Health 22:33 Conclusion and Contact Information To view and subscribe to any of our podcast special collections, visit this link: https://www.bettersexpodcast.com/collections As a nurse practitioner and sexuality counselor, I believe that love and intimacy are essential to human happiness. Through confidential virtual sessions, I support individuals and couples in overcoming barriers to sexual satisfaction, allowing for deeper connections and enhanced love and affection. I hold a Doctorate in Nursing Practice and am dual licensed as an Adult Health Nurse Practitioner (AHNP) and Women’s Health Nurse Practitioner (WHNP). Additionally, I am an AASECT Certified Sexuality Counselor (CSC) and am a National Board-Certified Health and Wellness Coach (NBC-HWC). As an approved Continuing Education Provider (CEP), I hold accreditation from both the California Board of Registered Nursing and the American Association of Sexuality Educators, Counselors and Therapists (AASECT). Acknowledging the profound influence that addressing sexual health concerns can have on people’s lives, I am deeply passionate about educating healthcare providers on matters of sexual health, emphasizing its significance in enhancing the overall quality of life. More info and resources: Secret Podcast for the Higher Desire Partner: https://www.intimacywithease.com/hdppodcast Secret Podcast for the Lower Desire Partner: https://www.intimacywithease.com/ldppodcast Special Collections of the podcast: Increasing Desire Episodes Eroticism and Excitement Episodes My Favorite Authors How Big a Problem is Your Sex Life? Quiz – https://www.sexlifequiz.com The Course – https://www.intimacywithease.com The Book – https://www.sexwithoutstress.com Podcast Website – https://www.intimacywithease.com Access the Free webinar: How to make sex easy and fun for both of you: https://intimacywithease.com/masterclass

In this episode of BetterSex, host Jessa Zimmerman welcomes therapist and sex expert Chelsea Burton to discuss the concept of relationship ruptures and how to repair them. The conversation covers both major ruptures like infidelity and smaller, everyday breaches of trust. Chelsea explains the importance of acknowledging and repairing these ruptures to maintain and improve intimate relationships. The episode delves into attachment theory, the role of empathy, and strategies for reconnecting emotionally and physically with your partner, even after significant betrayals. Practical advice for couples on maintaining connection and rebuilding trust is shared throughout the discussion. 00:00 Introduction to BetterSex 00:52 Understanding Relationship Ruptures 01:34 Defining Ruptures and Repairs 03:17 The Importance of Repairing Small Ruptures 05:14 Effective Repair Strategies 14:58 Impact of Ruptures on Sexual Intimacy 19:57 Repairing Big Ruptures: Infidelity and Betrayal 26:47 Conclusion and Contact Information To register for the webinar, use this link: https://www.intimacywithease.com/masterclass Chelsea Burton's bio: I am a licensed psychologist providing adult psychotherapy, couples therapy, sex therapy and family therapy. I approach therapy from a relational perspective, and enjoy working collaboratively with clients and their strengths to create change. I am particularly interested in working with clients around family of origin issues, relationship issues, trauma, sexual relationships and sexuality. I work with couples on communication, strengthening relational dynamics and sexual or intimacy concerns. I also work as an AASECT certified sex therapist and am open to working using an open and mindful approach whether you come as a couple or as an individual. I also work with people experiencing depression, stress, anxiety or grief. I earned my Doctoral degree in Clinical Psychology from William James College in Newton, MA after first earning a Masters of Arts in Counseling Psychology from Lesley University in Cambridge, MA. I completed my APA-accredited internship training at Y.O.U. Inc. where I provided individual and family therapy as well as psychological testing and assessment. I also completed an APA-accredited post-doctoral fellowship at Tufts University’s Counseling and Mental Health Services. I have clinical experience in a number of other settings, which include: eating disorder treatment, community mental health centers, an acute-care inpatient residential center for children and a group psychotherapy practice for adults. www.drchelsealevy.com More info and resources: Secret Podcast for the Higher Desire Partner: https://www.intimacywithease.com/hdppodcast Secret Podcast for the Lower Desire Partner: https://www.intimacywithease.com/ldppodcast Special Collections of the podcast: Increasing Desire Episodes Eroticism and Excitement Episodes My Favorite Authors How Big a Problem is Your Sex Life? Quiz – https://www.sexlifequiz.com The Course – https://www.intimacywithease.com The Book – https://www.sexwithoutstress.com Podcast Website – https://www.intimacywithease.com Access the Free webinar: How to make sex easy and fun for both of you: https://intimacywithease.com/masterclass

Am I Normal? Exploring Common Sexual Concerns with Michael Castleman In this episode of Better Sex, host Jessa Zimmerman welcomes back Michael Castleman to discuss the most frequently asked questions about sex that he has received over the past decade. They delve into the pervasive 'Am I normal?' question, addressing the cultural confusion surrounding sexuality, the impact of upbringing on sexual attitudes, and the normalization of diverse sexual practices. The conversation also touches on the influence of pornography, social media's effects on intimacy, and the progress in societal acceptance of various sexual behaviors. Castleman shares insights from his extensive experience as a sex columnist and educator, emphasizing that most sexual behaviors are normal unless they involve criminal activity. 00:00 Introduction to Better Sex Podcast 00:47 Guest Introduction: Michael Kasselman 01:35 Am I Normal? Common Sex Questions 02:23 Solo Sex and Cultural Stigmas 09:01 BDSM and Fifty Shades of Grey 16:31 The Impact of Pornography 20:19 Teens and Pornography 28:31 Social Media and Sexual Health 33:42 Conclusion and Resources Take the quiz: https://www.sexlifequiz.com Bio: Michael Castleman is the world's most popular sexuality writer. His twice-monthly blog on PsychologyToday.com, "All About Sex," launched in 2009, has amassed more than 59 million views. The free Question & Answer site he has published since 2010, GreatSexGuidance.com, has attracted 2 million more. January 2021 saw the publication of his book, Sizzling Sex for Life, a cradle-to-grave sexuality guide. His two previous sexualitacy guides—Sexual Solutions (1980) and Great Sex (2004)—have sold more than 600,000 copies. He also writes a free, weekly sex-related blog on Substack. He has answered more than 12,000 sex questions from people around the world of all ages and sexual inclinations. In addition to his Question & Answer site, he spent 10 years (1997-2007) answering sex questions from customers of Xandria, then a major sex toy marketer, and five years (1991-1995) answering the sex questions submitted to Playboy's "Advisor" column. He has also answered questions for WebMD and several other websites, magazines, and call-in radio shows. In 1978, he earned a Masters degree in Journalism from UC Berkeley. From 1979-2007, he wrote more than 1,500 health articles for newspapers, magazines, and Web sites about all of the above, including the New York Times, WebMD, Salon.com, PlanetRx.com, AARP, Reader's Digest, Smithsonian, Cosmopolitan, Redbook, Self, Family Circle, Ladies' Home Journal, Prevention, Men's Health, Men's Fitness, Men's Journal, Natural Health, Mother Jones, and The Nation. Library Journal called him "one of the nation's leading health writers." In 2007, he retired from health journalism but has continued to write about sexuality. Why? "The thank-you notes. Readers appreciated my health writing, but I've gotten many more thank-you notes from answering sex questions and providing sexuality information and counseling." Castleman grew up in a Long Island suburb of New York City. He earned a BA in English from the University of Michigan and graduated Phi Beta Kappa (1972). He lives in San Francisco. More info and resources: Secret Podcast for the Higher Desire Partner: https://www.intimacywithease.com/hdppodcast Secret Podcast for the Lower Desire Partner: https://www.intimacywithease.com/ldppodcast Special Collections of the podcast: Increasing Desire Episodes Eroticism and Excitement Episodes My Favorite Authors How Big a Problem is Your Sex Life? Quiz – https://www.sexlifequiz.com The Course – https://www.intimacywithease.com The Book – https://www.sexwithoutstress.com Podcast Website – https://www.intimacywithease.com Access the Free webinar: How to make sex easy and fun for both of you: https://intimacywithease.com/masterclass

In this episode of the Better Sex Podcast, host Jessa Zimmerman interviews Nicholas Maio-Aether, a pioneer in sexual behavior analysis. They dive into the behavioral approach to changing sexual behaviors, emphasizing consensual goal-setting and positive reinforcement. Nicholas explains the methodologies used in behavior analysis, the importance of reducing punishment, and how this field can be beneficial both for individuals with disabilities and neurotypical clients. They also discuss the differences between traditional sex therapy and sexual behavior analysis, as well as the populations best suited for each. Nicholas shares insights into his practice, his training program for professionals, and his personal motivations for working in this field. 00:00 Introduction to Better Sex Podcast 00:50 Exploring Sexual Behavior Analysis 01:41 Defining Behavior Analysis 02:56 Challenges and Misconceptions in Behavior Analysis 03:49 Behavior Analysis in Sexual Relationships 08:26 Behavior Analysis in Disability Support 16:08 Behavior Analysis for Neurotypical Clients 31:11 Training and Finding a Sexual Behavior Analyst 35:04 Conclusion and Contact Information Want to take Jessa's quiz - How big a problem is your sex life? Find it at https://www.sexlifequiz.com BIO: Nicholas owns Empowered: A Center for Sexuality in St Louis, where he and his occasional teams of partnered Universities' students work to assist humans with and without disabilities to achieve sexual access, sexual freedom, gender affirmation, and self-control of compulsive behaviors. Nicholas works throughout the US training BCBAs/Behavior Analysts so persons in Individualized Supportive Living (ISL) programs gain access to applicable and generalizable comprehensive sex ed and sexual opportunities. Nicholas provides Sexual Behavior Analysis, and has assisted polycules, kinksters, gay couples, trans and nonbinary humans, among others, on their journeys. Trained by GLSEN in 2003, Nicholas started Gay-Straight Alliances across Alaska while in high school, and provided them sex ed materials and trainings. Nicholas spent five years managing Hustler Hollywood in St Louis before moving into Behavior Analysis, and joined AASECT, where he currently sits on two committees. He then completed a Sex Therapy practicum under Linda Weiner, LMSW, CSTS, in 2019 before getting a second Masters in Marriage & Family Therapy, and meeting those hour requirements under Angela Skurtu, LMFT, CST, along with his LGBTQIA+ Family Systems Specialist certificate in 2021. He also ABD for a PhD in Clinical Sexology. IG handle: @empoweredcenterstl www.empoweredcenter.com www.facebook.com/empoweredcenterstl More info and resources: Secret Podcast for the Higher Desire Partner: https://www.intimacywithease.com/hdppodcast Secret Podcast for the Lower Desire Partner: https://www.intimacywithease.com/ldppodcast Special Collections of the podcast: Increasing Desire Episodes Eroticism and Excitement Episodes My Favorite Authors How Big a Problem is Your Sex Life? Quiz – https://www.sexlifequiz.com The Course – https://www.intimacywithease.com The Book – https://www.sexwithoutstress.com Podcast Website – https://www.intimacywithease.com Access the Free webinar: How to make sex easy and fun for both of you: https://intimacywithease.com/masterclass

In this episode of Better Sex, host Jessa Zimmerman talks with Esther Hooley to address the impacts of purity culture on individuals and their sexuality. They explore how purity culture influences sexual scripts, the resulting shame, and how one can begin to heal and embrace their true sexuality. Esther discusses her book, 'Embracing Erotic Wholeness,' and how curiosity and reframing spirituality can assist in overcoming the detrimental effects of purity culture. 00:00 Introduction 00:45 Guest Introduction and Topic Overview 01:15 Esther's Background 03:09 Defining Purity Culture 02:28 Impacts of Purity Culture 10:15 Shame and Sexuality 08:25 Disconnect and Reconnection 19:47 Reframing Sexual and Spiritual Beliefs 24:36 Closing Remarks Want to share your personal story on our podcast? This can be done anonymously! Just email us at info@intimacywithease.com Bio: Dr. Hooley has been a clinician for over a decade and is currently a licensed psychologist in Waco, Texas. She specializes in sex therapy, trauma recovery, eating concerns, and spirituality concerns. She is currently in private practice working with people across the U.S. seeking healing. She recently published her first book entitled "Embracing Erotic Wholeness: From Shame to Curiosity" which focuses on embodied healing after living through purity culture. More info and resources: Secret Podcast for the Higher Desire Partner: https://www.intimacywithease.com/hdppodcast Secret Podcast for the Lower Desire Partner: https://www.intimacywithease.com/ldppodcast Special Collections of the podcast: Increasing Desire Episodes Eroticism and Excitement Episodes My Favorite Authors How Big a Problem is Your Sex Life? Quiz – https://www.sexlifequiz.com The Course – https://www.intimacywithease.com The Book – https://www.sexwithoutstress.com Podcast Website – https://www.intimacywithease.com Access the Free webinar: How to make sex easy and fun for both of you: https://intimacywithease.com/masterclass

In this episode of Better Sex, hosted by sex therapist Jessa Zimmerman, the topic of discussion is the orgasm gap between heterosexual men and women. Joined by Dr. Laurie Mintz, an expert who wrote 'Becoming Cliterate', they explore the reasons behind this gap, which includes the lack of clitoral stimulation for women and societal misconceptions about female pleasure. Dr. Mintz shares insights from her research and teaching experiences, highlights the improvements since her book's publication in 2017, and discusses ways to enhance sexual pleasure through communication, use of vibrators, and changing cultural narratives around sex. The episode provides valuable information for both women and men to improve their intimate relationships and achieve a more fulfilling sex life. 00:00 Introduction to Better Sex 00:48 Understanding the Orgasm Gap 01:02 Guest Introduction: Laurie Mintz 01:39 Defining the Orgasm Gap 04:59 Cultural Influences on Female Pleasure 05:43 Statistics and Research on Female Orgasm 08:45 Barriers to Female Pleasure 19:09 Strategies to Close the Orgasm Gap 19:40 The Role of Vibrators in Sexual Pleasure 23:10 Empowering Women and Men in Sexual Relationships 26:55 Closing Thoughts and Resources 27:55 Podcast Outro Interested in Jessa's private podcasts? Secret Podcast for the Higher Desire Partner: https://www.intimacywithease.com/hdppodcast Secret Podcast for the Lower Desire Partner: https://www.intimacywithease.com/ldppodcast Dr. Laurie Mintz is a professor, author, speaker, and therapist. As an Emeritus Professor at the University of Florida, she teaches the Psychology of Human Sexuality to hundreds of undergraduate students each year. She has published over 50 scholarly articles and six chapters in academic books. She is the author of two popular press books, both written with the aim of empowering women sexually and both with published studies demonstrating their effectiveness: Becoming Cliterate: Why Orgasm Equality Matters and How to Get It (HarperOne, 2017) and A Tired Woman's Guide to Passionate Sex: Reclaim Your Desire and Reignite Your Relationship (Adams Media, 2009). With this same goal of providing scientifically-accurate, sex-positive information to enhance female pleasure, Dr. Mintz gives presentations and workshops to professionals and lay audiences, including a TEDx talk with over two million views. For over 30 years, Dr. Mintz has also maintained a private practice, working with individuals and couples on general and sexual issues. Dr. Mintz is a Fellow of the American Psychological Association, indicating that her work has had a positive national influence on the field of psychology. In 2023, she was named one of Forbes “50 over 50” woman innovators. More info and resources: Secret Podcast for the Higher Desire Partner: https://www.intimacywithease.com/hdppodcast Secret Podcast for the Lower Desire Partner: https://www.intimacywithease.com/ldppodcast Special Collections of the podcast: Increasing Desire Episodes Eroticism and Excitement Episodes My Favorite Authors How Big a Problem is Your Sex Life? Quiz – https://www.sexlifequiz.com The Course – https://www.intimacywithease.com The Book – https://www.sexwithoutstress.com Podcast Website – https://www.intimacywithease.com Access the Free webinar: How to make sex easy and fun for both of you: https://intimacywithease.com/masterclass

Understanding and Treating Erectile Dysfunction with Dr. Jeff Nuziard In this episode of Better Sex, host Jessa Zimmerman welcomes Dr. Jeff Nuziard to discuss erectile dysfunction (ED). They delve into the misconceptions around ED, particularly the false notion that blood flow is the primary issue. Dr. Nuziard shares his personal journey with ED, beginning at age 40, and his research which led to developing a patented treatment protocol that focuses on hormone balance and collagen regeneration. The episode explores traditional and new treatment methods, including hormone replacement therapy, PRP shots, and acoustic shockwave therapy, emphasizing the importance of treating the root cause rather than just the symptoms. They also touch on the broader implications of hormone imbalance and collagen loss in both men and women, showcasing innovative treatment options available through Sexual Wellness Centers of America and RegenMax. 00:00 Welcome to Better Sex: Unveiling the Show 00:51 Diving Deep into Erectile Dysfunction: A Tough Topic 01:40 Dr. Jeff Nuziard's Personal Journey and Breakthrough in ED 06:29 Unraveling the Myths of Erectile Dysfunction 08:50 The Hormonal Connection: Testosterone's Role in Aging and ED 13:58 A New Perspective on Hormone Levels and Health 16:02 The Future of Hormone Testing and Management 18:36 Navigating Sexual Wellness: Understanding Hormonal Balance 19:19 Breaking the Silence: Addressing Desire Discrepancy 20:01 Exploring Traditional Treatments for Sexual Dysfunction 22:17 Innovative Solutions: Beyond Conventional Therapies 26:37 Revolutionizing Sexual Health: The RegenMax Protocol 29:30 Expanding Horizons: Treating Women's Sexual Health 33:23 Beyond Sexual Functioning: Broader Applications of Regenerative Techniques 34:20 Accessing Treatment: How to Connect with RegenMax 36:30 Closing Thoughts: The Journey to Sexual Wellness Interested in those private podcasts about desire discrepancy? The higher desire partner podcast: https://www.intimacywithease.com/hdppodcast The lower desire partner podcast: https://www.intimacywithease.com/ldppodcast After a twenty-year career as a CFP, Dr. Jeff Nuziard completely reinvented his life after finding himself wholly a-sexual and unable to perform at the age of 40. After selling his financial book of business, he was determined to fix this performance issue without the use of pills or surgery. After 15 years of study, research, development, and testing, he discovered the actual cause of Erectile Dysfunction and how to reverse and cure the problem. After completing a 250-patient clinical study, this discovery led to a Doctorate in Bio-Medical Science and the issuance of the only Globally patented cure for Erectile Dysfunction with a 97.2% success rate. This patented multi-modality cure is known as REGENmax®. Jeff Founded and oversees Sexual Wellness Centers of America, LLC in 2020, located in Colleyville, Texas, where his staff treats both ED and Vaginal dysfunction. While maintaining a 97.2% success rate and the Patent issued, Jeff now spends his time teaching and working with practitioners to obtain licensure for his protocols and help people worldwide. More info and resources: Secret Podcast for the Higher Desire Partner: https://www.intimacywithease.com/hdppodcast Secret Podcast for the Lower Desire Partner: https://www.intimacywithease.com/ldppodcast Special Collections of the podcast: Increasing Desire Episodes Eroticism and Excitement Episodes My Favorite Authors How Big a Problem is Your Sex Life? Quiz – https://www.sexlifequiz.com The Course – https://www.intimacywithease.com The Book – https://www.sexwithoutstress.com Podcast Website – https://www.intimacywithease.com Access the Free webinar: How to make sex easy and fun for both of you: https://intimacywithease.com/masterclass

Healing After Infidelity: Insights and Strategies with Rich Heller In this episode of the Better Sex Podcast, host sex therapist Jessa Zimmerman welcomes back relationship expert Rich Heller to discuss the complex issue of infidelity recovery. They explore the various reasons behind infidelity, the different forms it can take, and the steps toward healing after a breach of trust. Rich emphasizes the importance of understanding and recognizing both partners' roles in the relationship dynamics that may lead to infidelity. The conversation covers topics such as emotional versus physical infidelity, the necessity of honest communication, personal responsibility, and the steps required to rebuild trust. Rich also shares his professional experiences and introduces his mental and emotional release techniques aimed at relationship healing. 00:00 Welcome to Better Sex: Navigating Infidelity 00:52 Understanding Infidelity: Definitions and Dynamics 02:24 Exploring the Gray Areas of Infidelity 03:59 The Impact of Children and Intimacy Challenges 04:25 Navigating Emotional Connections and Trust Breaches 08:38 Recovering from Infidelity: Accountability and Healing 16:23 The Role of Communication and Responsibility in Relationships 20:59 Inviting Reflection on Contribution and Culpability 22:36 Confronting Denial in Relationships 24:24 The Signs of Infidelity: A Deep Dive 25:43 Healing from Infidelity: Steps and Strategies 25:54 Understanding the Dynamics of Infidelity 28:14 The Role of Personal Responsibility in Healing 35:09 Exploring Solutions: Therapy and Beyond 39:07 Accessing Support: Workshops and Consultations Interested in Jessa's free masterclass about How to Make Sex Easy and Fun for both of you? You can register at https://www.intimacywithease.com/masterclass Rich Heller MSW, CPC, ELI MP Rich is a "Conflict Coach" who works with people engaged in high levels of conflict so that they can create cooperation out of conflict. He works with individuals and couples, focusing on how they can have a relationship that works with minimum friction and maximum support for their children. Additionally Rich helps organizations and businesses transform destructive conflict into a vehicle for change and innovation. He went to Vassar College for his BA, Hunter School of Social Work for his MA, a trained in mediation with the Center for Understanding in Conflict, and trained in Parent Coordination through the AFCC. He is a Certified Professional Coach, and an ELI Master Practitioner. No stranger to conflict, Rich Heller grew up in NYC, is a child of divorce, has been divorced, and successfully remarried. He and his partner Katherine have been married for over 20 years and launched six children into the world. More info and resources: Secret Podcast for the Higher Desire Partner: https://www.intimacywithease.com/hdppodcast Secret Podcast for the Lower Desire Partner: https://www.intimacywithease.com/ldppodcast Special Collections of the podcast: Increasing Desire Episodes Eroticism and Excitement Episodes My Favorite Authors How Big a Problem is Your Sex Life? Quiz – https://www.sexlifequiz.com The Course – https://www.intimacywithease.com The Book – https://www.sexwithoutstress.com Podcast Website – https://www.intimacywithease.com Access the Free webinar: How to make sex easy and fun for both of you: https://intimacywithease.com/masterclass

For the final episode of the Better Sex Podcast, blogger Desiree Simone shares her journey on divorce and how it led to her blogging her feelings as she was going through the process. More than a decade later, through her blog that evolved into a podcast, Desiree lets us in on the most common mistakes that she gets from people regarding relationships, dating and sex and the kind of advice she gives on every challenge and mistake. With the onslaught of social media, one common mistake is still having a social media communication with your ex-partner. It is one thing when you just want to see what the other person is up to, but even just looking is a form of engagement. There is a slippery slope in this scenario, although still on a case-by-case basis, of becoming a little bit obsessed as to what they’re doing and looking at it every day. There’s a great danger of going down that rabbit hole of really trying to get additional information. You then would wonder why it is important to you suddenly? Are you just platonic Facebook friends? The emotional response is the one that you need to be careful of because it can get you asking whether you still have feelings for your ex? Am I really over this person? Am I ready to move on? You also must think about the effect it would have on your current partner once they find out that you still have that emotional connection that you are holding on to. Ask yourself: How would you feel if your partner was doing the same thing? If you realized you wanted to get back to your partner, you must be honest even if it will make you look bad. Another problem still related to social media is the need to make all aspects of the relationship public. It tends to create chaos because you are inviting other people to put their two cents in. Ask yourself: Why do you need to do it and to what gain? Creating an image of a perfect relationship or marriage on social media is dangerous as it feels the need to compete. Top bad decisions people make about sexual relationships The biggest mistake people make is not openly communicating to their partner the things that they like and do not like. It is important to let your partner in. We all must be better at being able to talk effectively to our partner about things that work or do not work for us. Sex is about you too and not just your partner. It is important to find ways to make the experience amazing for both parties. Fake orgasms do not serve anybody, and you will be miserable doing it. Another thing in line with this is talking about things that you might want to try. Do not repress it because you might end up being resentful in the end. You should feel comfortable enough with your partner to open up. If you are on the receiving end of this, you should welcome any conversation without judgement, even if it is something you don’t have any interest in doing. Be accepting, even if you are not interested and try to find a happy medium. There should be no kink shaming. Another thing is the issue of watching porn and masturbating. Some people think that this is a form of cheating. If this is an issue, it is important to step back and really understand where your partner is coming from and why they have this thought about porn and masturbation. From there, start to peel the layers to understand but whatever you do, do not feel like it’s your responsibility to change your partner’s mind. Biography: Desiree Simone is a blogger and host of the “Break Bottles, Not Hearts” podcast. She’s known as “The Boozy Bestie”, your go-to friend who helps with relationship issues with love and good cocktails. Originally from Georgia, Simone has a dual degree in Public Relations and Rhetoric and worked for Carnival Cruise Lines for over 10 years as a Production Singer. Her take on love, sex and dating is equal parts honest, funny, inappropriate and vulnerable. Never shy to make fun of herself and learn from her mistakes, she enjoys being a safe space for all those who...

In the quest to know the various kinds of things that get in the way of sexual desire, sex therapist Paula Leech walks us through two situations that probably have the most profound impact on sex life and interest in being sexual for couples, particularly in women: pregnancy and having a baby. What are the challenges and opportunities, as well as strategies for people who are in either of these stages? Fertility is getting more and more challenging nowadays because of the life that we live in, so more and more couples are struggling to get pregnant and needing to have intervention. What we know as a natural human process now becomes an intense one, and all the anxiety can just hijack it and make it all so hard. As a result, sex can become something that is very clinical, high stress, high pressure, and obligated. The fun and the casual nature of it can shift. Having to do the process month after month on a somewhat scheduled basis can have a dramatic change in the nature of a couple’s sex life and can really impact their experience and interest in being sexual. Barriers to intimacy after giving birth / adding a child to the family Giving birth or having an addition to your family changes your life, and your sexuality is profoundly impacted by this. Your world just flipped upside down, and the reality is that your body will be in survival mode. It will take different amounts of time to recover. The baby’s needs are so consuming; your spouse’s sexual needs can easily go down the priority list. Physically, changes after birth can also complicate sexuality. Chemically, having sex with the partner can be replaced by bonding with the baby as mothers get the same kind of hormones. So, the biological reality is you can easily lose desire to have sex during this period for the first one or so years. Reconnecting with partner During these two phases, challenges around sex and finding connection with your partner are discovered. On top of the insane amount of change happening, you can also find yourself renegotiating the roles in your relationship with your partner, as well as getting to know your partner as a co-parent. This is also the phase where you will be finding yourself, as well. When you can’t find yourself, you are not going to feel good about sharing yourself with another person. Desire is such a complicated recipe. You got to feel tethered to yourself enough and be comfortable in your own skin to be able to show yourself. How to maintain a sense of intimate connection, maintain some focus on pleasure and presence There is no going back to normal after either of these processes. Anxiety is the primary culprit for most sexual dysfunctions. if you are stressed, the body shuts down sexual functioning. Also, this may be the first time that you will be confronting a big change to your sex life, but it definitely won’t be the last thing you are going to adapt to because your sexual life will just undergo natural changes (as you get older, for example). Bear in mind that this is a season. This is a hard, painful, and vulnerable experience for couples to go through, and there is no going around it. It may require talking again about what intimacy means now, how to expand that definition of intimacy and find ways to get connected with your partner. Seek help if needed. Most importantly, give yourself a lot of credit and grace as you are navigating the most profound amount of changes in such a small amount of time. Biography: Paula received her bachelor’s degree in Family and Human Development at Arizona State University and then went on to receive her master’s degree in Family Therapy at the University of Massachusetts, in Boston. Post family therapy licensure, Paula became AASECT (American Association for Sexuality Educators, Counselors, and Therapists) certified as a sex therapist and worked with individuals, relationships, and families in private practice in Boston, Massachusetts for ten years. In that...

Keeley Rankin joins me in a conversation to talk about solutions for Premature Ejaculation. She talks about the anxiety attached to this problem, various approaches and why they don’t work, and her five-model approach to help with early ejaculation. What Qualifies as Premature Ejaculation Keeley’s work as a sex coach is oriented around connecting and communicating with one’s body and focusing on making the experience pleasurable. She defines the experience of early ejaculation as ‘an anxious feeling of how long one is going to last during the act’. While for many it’s a matter of normalizing and educating on what’s expected. For others, it’s an ‘anxiety response to arousal’. She categorizes each case as either severe, moderate or mild. Where Does Anxiety Start? Keeley believes this anxiety could either be traced back to someone’s early sexual experiences or could cultivate in the later part of life. She notes that many of her clients are unaware of the anxiety they’re experiencing in everyday life and warns people not to take random advice. Thoughts on Conventional Treatments She refutes some conventional approaches to early ejaculation, such as thinking about something not sexy during sex, strengthening one’s kegel muscles, using SSRIs, and numbing sprays. She presses the importance of being present and connected with your body’s sensations during sex rather than numbing them. Five-Model Approach Keeley talks about her five-model approach to help people with early ejaculation. She takes us through the five steps of breath, anal breath, arousal and anxiety curve, and spreading erotic energy through the whole body. The approach focuses on being able to slow down, relax the sphincter and pelvic floor area, breathe down your body and master the ability to hold the higher arousal state without anxiety. Tune into the episode to learn about each step in the five-model approach! Pleasure Work as Individuals and for Couples People work on this individually to understand the theoretical process and lay a foundation through self-pleasure until one can become capable of enjoying sex without the anxiety. They can then increase the stimulation through movement, noise or by adding new things, and then lastly bringing in a partner. She adds that a partner could be included to do bodywork. How Can a Person Bring it Up with Their Partner? Keeley advises partners to communicate around pleasure without pressuring the other person or consulting a professional to help when communication gets difficult. Biography: Keeley Rankin is a sex and relationship coach, pleasure advocate and a sexy-preneur. She works with individuals and couples who want to embrace their innate desires, build sexual confidence, and fully realize their sexual potential. Keeley received her master’s degree in Counseling Psychology and has been featured in media outlets such as The Huffington Post and Oprah Magazine. She’s trained in Hakomi Therapy and Recreation of the Self, both body-based mindful therapeutic modalities for uncovering and healing subconscious and childhood wounds. For seven years, she worked closely with the world-renowned author and transpersonal psychotherapist who coined the phrase ‘spiritual bypass’, John Welwood. As an expert in male sexual struggles, she created the Premature Ejaculation Mastery Video Course for men to learn to last longer in bed from the privacy of their own homes. She also specializes in facilitating deep erotic connections for couples. Pre-Covid, she would meet couples in Paris for the unique-extreme-sexy-connected date night – private sessions aimed to prep the couple for an evening at a sex club. Resources and links: Website: keeleyrankin.com Course: https://www.keeleyrankin.com/premature_ejaculation_video_course_sale Instagram: @Just.The.Tip.Sex.Coach More info and resources: Secret Podcast for the Higher Desire Partner: https://www.intimacywithease.com/hdppodcast Secret...

This episode talks about hormones and how it affects sexual function and overall health of women in particular. Dr. Matt Chalmers explains two primary hormones in women, testosterone and estrogen, and what we can do to keep their levels in check and keep your sex drive up. Testosterone and estrogen Dr. Chalmers said the problem he ran into is people think that women should focus on their nestrogen levels, which is not really the case. For sexual conversation purposes and if you are experiencing hot flashes, night sweats, vaginal dryness, headache and/or joint pains, we need to look at the estrogen level. Otherwise, we look at your testosterone level, because as we start raising that, the body will convert testosterone into estrogen, balancing the two hormones. What is the function of testosterone in women? For health purposes, testosterone helps regenerate muscles (your heart is a muscle, your blood vessels all have muscles in them, so this aspect is important). But for sexual functions, testosterone in men can make a lot of things better from a physiological standpoint such as erection. What people fail to remember is that the clitoris is the same tissue embryonically, so you can also get more nerve functions and more blood flow into the clitoris if you give women the right amount of testosterone. A stronger orgasm, for example, is often noticed with higher levels of testosterone. Are there any lifestyle changes that are going to affect testosterone levels? Stress plays a big part, so your stress level will be evaluated first. We bring nutrients level back to where they’re supposed to be, and then we work on your mind so you can learn how to deal with your stress. That can naturally bring testosterone levels up. However, there is a point in time where your stress, your genetics and everything plays a big role where if we cannot bring it up after that, then we go to the injections, and that will get us where we need to be. Are there risks/potential side effects for women using testosterone supplementation? Clotting is a safety factor to look at. With higher testosterone, blood gets thicker, so you need regular blood tests. Typical side effect in men is hair loss. With women, some experience acne, darkening of hair, and a good chance that you will gain weight. It ramps up your metabolism so you’ll lose fat but gain muscle, so you may look skinnier but not lose weight on the scale. In that aspect, it will not help with weight loss but will work on fat loss. Hormone therapy Hormone therapy is recommended to be done for the rest of your lives for its physiological benefits – osteoporosis, heart functions, sexual functions. If we can find a way to take the stress away and bring testosterone levels naturally back up to 100, that is better than medical intervention. But in this time that we live in, there are lots of factors that affect our hormone levels – bad nutrition, bad sleep, high stress and environmental toxins. With hormone therapy intervention, we are increasing the quality of life by changing the physiology a little bit so we can have all the functions that we want to have. Dr. Chalmers underscored, however, that we still need to look hard at the stress level because even with even with high-level testosterone, high sex drive may not be possible. It could be that you fix how your days are structured first before we change the chemistry in your body. Biography: Dr. Matt Chalmers is a health and wellness expert, author and speaker who specialises in the areas of long-term wellness, nutrition, women’s health, weight loss, athlete wellness and holistic healing. With a client list that includes professional athletes, business executives, politicians and celebrities, Dr. Chalmers takes a holistic-based approach with patients to identify and treat the source of their issues. Medical doctors regularly refer patients to Dr. Chalmers when traditional medications and treatments are not working with their...

Do you know the real secret to having an amazing sex life? After years of research and talking to thousands of respondents, Dr. Tara might have unlocked the answer to that big question. Learn what you can do to start having better sex with your partner and how to get that satisfaction that we need in our sex lives. What is sexual satisfaction? Sexual satisfaction is a subjective measure of how you feel about your sex life. There could be a lot of factors affecting this, but generally, it’s not merely counting how many times you are having sex with your partner to say that you have a healthy sexual relationship, but it’s about a subjective evaluation of your life. Do you feel good about your sex life? Are you having great sex with your partner? Do you find your intimate encounters pleasurable? How to achieve that high sexual satisfaction Results from Dr. Tara’s study showed that sexual communication is the strongest variable – inside or outside sex – in predicting sexual satisfaction in couples in the long run. Sexual communication can mean easily having sex talk with your partner. It also covers communication during sex and how much you are able to express yourself verbally and non-verbally. Other strong indicators are sexual confidence and sexual self-esteem. Simply put, this is about feeling confident about yourself during sex as well as having a positive feeling about your body and sexuality. It is important to know, though, that before achieving all of these, you must first practice sexual mindfulness – being mindful during the act of sex, being extremely present and consumed by the moment. Sexual communication in and out of sex Becoming aware that you want to improve your sex life is critical because sexual communication is not something that you can force on people. No matter how you emphasize the importance of sexual communication, deciding to want to have better sex is a personal choice at the end of the day. Dr. Tara suggests doing regular sex talks or “sexy check-ins” where you and your partner can genuinely express any concerns about your sex life, if any. Sexual communication can be vulnerable so approaching it in a positive way is also important. During sex, you can verbally express your pleasure or perhaps verbally adore your partner. If you’re not the talking type, you can also do so many things non-verbally to relay your message to your partner and maintain that positive sexual communication. Still having sexual problems? People usually avoid sex talks because they’re afraid to hear bad news or hear criticisms or despair and they wouldn’t know what to do. If it’s obvious that you are having sexual problems in a long-term relationship, do not hesitate to seek help from professional sex/relationship therapists. A lot of times sex issues are not just about sex so it’s easier to have a third professional person to know what the problem really is. While you’re at it, be mindful of your own body as a sexual being, work on yourself and be with yourself first. Biography: Dr. Tara is a tenured professor of relational and sexual communication at California State University Fullerton, an award-winning researcher, a relationship coach at luvbites.co, and a podcast host at Luvbites by Dr. Tara podcast. She recently gave a TEDx Talk titled Become Sexually Powerful that highlights her 5,000-participant study examining variables that predict sexual satisfaction, and her journey from a sexually anxious girl from Thailand to a sexually confident woman. Headshot: Attached Links: My website https://www.luvbites.co/ TEDx talk https://www.ted.com/talks/become_sexually_powerful More info and resources: Secret Podcast for the Higher Desire Partner: https://www.intimacywithease.com/hdppodcast Secret Podcast for the Lower Desire Partner: https://www.intimacywithease.com/ldppodcast Special Collections of the podcast: Increasing Desire Episodes Eroticism and Excitement Episodes My...

Elizabeth Dall talks about “body freedom,” the antidote to body shame and self-consciousness that many of us, if not all, experience at some point in our life. Body image issues affect mostly women and are often a great barrier to be interested in sex in an otherwise healthy relationship. In this episode, learn how to accept your body the way it is and take that first step to your own “body freedom.” What is body freedom? Freedom is the ability to experience something how you want to experience it. It does not mean being immune to having difficult days with our bodies, but it does mean being able to make the choice to step into freedom. It all boils down to having a choice: you can choose to stay stuck or frustrated in a negative body image or choose to step into the body image that you want to create for yourself. Acceptance before change One way to start a change on our body is actually by learning to accept the body that we have so we can work with it. It is about learning how to work with your body to create the change so that it’s sustainable. Allow yourself first the freedom to the change that you want and step into that identity before you even begin the change. What does “working with your body” mean? Whenever we want to change something in our body, we tend to detach from that body and we seemingly wanting to be another person with that change. When you work with your body, you see and acknowledge where your body is as well as where you want it to go, and the only way to be able to get there is if I learn how to work with it. To do that, we learn how to sustain habits that we enjoy so that we can keep going. You are capable of creating change We have been told by media, influencers and other “outside voices” that this is the way you’re supposed to look, this is what you’re supposed to exercise, or this is the way you’re supposed to eat. But it is a losing battle if we follow what they want us to do because if you don’t see results then you will just be frustrated. Know that you are capable of creating change within yourself. You are capable of choosing movements that you enjoy, dealing with your emotions, and knowing when to eat or stop eating. Your body speaks to you but there’s so much noise outside telling you things that are not really suitable for you. What do you say to people who don’t love their body to the point that it’s affecting relationships? Step into the idea of body freedom. It is a safe space to see your body for the good that it is. When you start to show up in this way, you give yourself unapologetic permission to show up as you are so you can then show up in that relationship. You may also want to start a gratitude practice and be thankful for what your body does for you every day. Then find a body freedom practice – an action you take that will help you step into this idea of feeling body acceptance, freedom, and love. Biography: Elizabeth Dall, M.S., CEP, is the owner of awomanofwellness.com and helps women heal their relationship with food and their bodies and experience joy in wellness. Elizabeth believes every woman has the knowledge of what she truly needs deep within herself and that they can learn to love their bodies, heal their relationship with food, and find joy in exercise and movement. She helps by offering online programs and personalized coaching to women searching for food freedom and a desire to live a happy, healthy lifestyle without limitations. SHOW NOTES LINKS: Elizabeth’s two free guides to help you overcome emotional eating and ditch the diets without ditching your goals: Overcome emotional eating free mini course: https://a-woman-of-wellness.ck.page/overcome-emotional-eating Intro to intuitive eating guide: https://awomanofwellness.com/nomorediets If you’re interested in healing your relationship with your body and food for good and experience a lifetime of freedom from dieting, emotional eating, body shame, and never hitting...

This is not your soul mate How we were raised as kids, how consistent our parents (or caretakers) were, and how safe and loved we felt when we were young can shape our attachment style during our adulthood. Tracey Crossley walks us through secure and insecure attachments in relationships and how our upbringing plays out in our intimate relationships as adults. Insecure and secure attachments Our relationship with our caretakers from the time we are born greatly affects our having either a secure or insecure attachment with other people in our adulthood. Secure attachment starts when the child trusts the caretakers and feels an emotional bond with them. They don’t worry that if you leave the room you’re not coming back. On the other hand, if there is insecure attachment, the child can have different reactions and could become avoidant. These experiences as kids, we bring with us to adulthood. How does insecure attachment show up? It shows up in a variety of ways, but many people don’t realize where it’s coming from. Naturally, deep down, all of us want to be securely attached and feel loved. But our conditioning says something different, so we seek what we know. We repeat the same sort of familiar feeling and situation that we had as a child. It affects how we feel and how we act. This sometimes led to confusion and even attracting dysfunctional relationships. Even though we want something different, part of us wants the familiar, which doesn’t serve us so well. Do we have a soulmate? People would be looking for a unicorn when they look for their soulmate. People who are securely attached do not say they found their soulmate. They usually are just happy that being with their partner feels good and there is no need to give it a label. When you do not have that sense of security, that’s when you tend to come up with labels as though it’s some sort of magical thing that’s going to happen. The idea of happiness and satisfaction about finding your soulmate is a moment in time and not related to reality. It’s just about the fantasy you have about what the other person is bringing to you and how it will make you feel. How do insecurely attached people respond to sex vs securely attached people? Insecurely attached people usually perform acrobatics in the bedroom. They’re all about how great they are at sex and that’s like their secret weapon. They’re going to hook you through sex and do whatever it takes to hold on to you, so you don’t go away. Very strong feelings of desperation are usually involved in insecurely attached people. Meanwhile, securely attached relationships are not so much about just sex but how you are creating intimacy. Sex is a part of the relationship, but it is not the whole relationship, and the intimacy comes from emotions rather than the physicality. Anxiety in relationships Tracey Crossley paints a picture of anxious-avoidant, anxious and avoidant people and how they react whenever they are in a relationship, or lack thereof. She stresses that one big thing missing in a healthy relationship is anxiety. Instead, there should always be progression. Moreover, do not dwell in a fantasy land looking for that perfect partner. Always do a reality check, be in the moment and deal with all the disappointments it could bring rather than living in fantasy and prolonging your agony. Biography Tracy Crossley is a behavioral relationship expert, author, and podcast host, who specializes in treating individuals with unhealthy life and relationship patterns. Tracy helps clients transform, impostor syndrome, insecure attachment, negative belief systems, breaking the cycle of narcissistic damage, destructive self-talk, and more. With a background in psychology, an innate emotional intuition, which draws from her own personal experience, Tracy shows her clients how to permanently change the repetition of the unhealthy, unhappy and unfulfilled cycles personally and professionally. Tracy’s popular...

A Journey Through Miscarriage This episode talks about a very sensitive topic – miscarriage. Losing a baby is heartbreaking, no matter when it happens, and Jessica bravely shares her experience when she and her husband lost their baby. She reveals how she healed – physically, mentally, and emotionally – what moms who suffered the same should know about their options when going through this, and how the experience impacted her relationship with her husband. Women have options When you suffer a miscarriage, you would be going through a traumatic loss, but life goes on. You should try and take care of yourself by sticking to a regular sleep schedule, eating well, and maintaining a healthy lifestyle. Jessica also underscores the fact that women should know the options that each person can take to navigate the process in a way that’s best for them and to honor that process of grieving that needs to happen. The journey after a miscarriage Pregnancy loss is only the beginning. What your mind and body will have to go through are completely different journeys unique to every mother. Jessica’s body did not know that it stopped the development of the baby for a couple weeks already until they went for what’s supposed to be just routine checkup. Jessica shares what they did to help her body resolve the miscarriage and start the process of healing. Impact of the experience on intimacy? Jessica shares that the bitter and painful experience brought her and her husband so much closer. There was bickering as they were both grieving but she said they just kept coming back and remembering that they are on each other’s team and were in it together. They took a few days off apart from each other and the space allowed them to reflect and integrate the process. Time to heal and grieve Time is often the best healer. After a pregnancy loss, the body needs time to get back to normal and so does your mind and emotional health. Allow yourself to go through the grieving process and spend time to stop and acknowledge the loss. Jessica bravely shared her journey because as she felt the surge of grief from other people, she also felt that these very same people might have losses of their own that are left ungrieved. You are not alone Amidst the feeling of guilt, anger, shock, sadness and sense of failure, Jessica emphasizes that no one should feel alone during the process. As Jessica put it, we can ask for help and we can be out loud about what we are quietly shouldering in this journey. We should talk more about the whole fertility process – not just in trying to conceive but also about being parents. We should try to bring discussions about this to the foreground rather than in the background, so we don’t have to do it alone. More info: Sex Health Quiz – https://www.sexhealthquiz.com The Course – https://www.intimacywithease.com The Book – https://www.sexwithoutstress.com Podcast Website – https://www.intimacywithease.com Access the Free webinar: How to want more sex without it feeling like a chore: https://intimacywithease.com/masterclass Better Sex with Jessa Zimmerman https://businessinnovatorsradio.com/better-sex/ Source: https://businessinnovatorsradio.com/218-personal-story-a-journey-through-miscarriage-jessica More info and resources: Secret Podcast for the Higher Desire Partner: https://www.intimacywithease.com/hdppodcast Secret Podcast for the Lower Desire Partner: https://www.intimacywithease.com/ldppodcast Special Collections of the podcast: Increasing Desire Episodes Eroticism and Excitement Episodes My Favorite Authors How Big a Problem is Your Sex Life? Quiz – https://www.sexlifequiz.com The Course – https://www.intimacywithease.com The Book – https://www.sexwithoutstress.com Podcast Website – https://www.intimacywithease.com Access the Free webinar: How to make sex easy and fun for both of you: https://intimacywithease.com/masterclass

“Conflict Coach” Rich Heller enlightens us on resentment, anger, and other negativities that couples can get into that can get in the way of their sex life. If you or your partner is buried in resentment, this episode will help you get on the same team again and work on your sex life. How do people get buried in years of negative feelings? In the beginning of a relationship, there is often a honeymoon stage where everything seems perfect, and you are deeply in love with each other. At some point, this stage ends. Not that you stop loving each other, but reality hits and suddenly you are not the center of each other’s universe. It becomes clear you are not with the fantasy partner you may have imagined. All the little unresolved resentments and feelings about different expectations can build over time, creating a structure of resentment and even hostility. It’s also possible one partner is doing harmful stuff to the other that just can’t be overlooked. When anger gets in the way of intimacy Firstly, check if there is something in your past that was triggered that made you angry. Writing it in a journal helps so you can eventually share it with your partner. Since anger is most likely a mechanism to feel powerful when one cannot express their more vulnerable, underlying emotions, it is crucial for partners on the other end of angry expressions to understand what emotions and factors are driving the anger. Expressing differences freely is important to a more positive outcome. What about make up sex? Some couples say they have sex when mad because it is a way of reconnecting and resolving their issues. Very often, sex is a way to release anger. But the more this dynamic builds up and the more the fighting becomes regular, then the angry sex is going to stop too. Yes, sex can be a release or a form of connecting, but over time, if what’s behind it isn’t dealt with, even that’s going to drop out. Forgiveness and moving on How do you forgive and forget about the past? We need to see our partners wrestle with remorse and accountability in order to move forward. That’s where healing would come from. You need to know why they did what they did and what to look out for in the future so you can both talk about it as it’s coming up – before it happens again. You need to understand the why to figure out how to heal and grow and make the relationship better. Biography: Rich Heller MSW, CPC, ELI MP Rich is a “Conflict Coach” who works with people engaged in high levels of conflict so that they can create cooperation out of conflict. He works with individuals and couples, focusing on how they can have a relationship that works with minimum friction and maximum support for their children. Additionally Rich helps organizations and businesses transform destructive conflict into a vehicle for change and innovation. He went to Vassar College for his BA, Hunter School of Social Work for his MA, trained in mediation with the Centre for Understanding in Conflict, and trained in Parent Coordination through the AFCC. He is a Certified Professional Coach, and an ELI Master Practitioner. No stranger to conflict, Rich Heller grew up in NYC, is a child of divorce, has been divorced, and successfully remarried. He and his partner Katherine have been married for over 20 years and launched six children into the world. Resources and links: Website: https://richinrelationship.com/ Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/richinrelationship/ Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/richinrelationship/ YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCVj35RVXHgu-4irxB0_5ukQ LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/company/rich-in-relationship/ Pinterest: https://www.pinterest.com/richinrelationship/_created/ More info: Sex Health Quiz – https://www.sexhealthquiz.com The Course – https://www.intimacywithease.com The Book – https://www.sexwithoutstress.com Podcast Website – https://www.intimacywithease.com Access the Free...

Co-Creating a Sex Life Over Time What does it really take to make a sex life last? How do archetypes about sex, expectations, and love capacities all come together to be a starting point for you and your partner to have conversations and do things differently to co-create a lasting relationship and sex life? Psychotherapist Dr Chelsea Wakefield explains how to co-create a sex life that you can be excited about for the rest of your life, and how you can build soulful relationships that endure challenges and changes. Sexuality and long-term relationships Couples in long-term relationships commonly struggle with sexuality at some point and begin to have questions about what can be done to help the relationship move forward to maintain a meaningful connection during the arc of the relationship. What are the elements that can make a relationship and sex life thrive over time? Prioritize personal development Sexuality should be a priority for couples. Some questions that may be asked before committing to co-creating a sex life: Why would you want to engage in co-creating a sexual relationship? What would it bring in your life? Co-creating a sexual relationship encompasses so many dimensions of relationship including knowing one’s self and defining one’s self as a sexual being. It takes a lot of personal development in each of the parties, otherwise it will not thrive. You don’t change your partner but rather, both need to work on themselves in order to co-create a dynamic sex life. Communication is key Sex is far from being a natural process. Communication is key to making it last. And communication is not just about talking and saying what you want but knowing who in you is talking and being able to do the necessary shifts. How do I get in touch with my sensual self? How do I access my playful self? How do I shift out of “responsible mother self” to “responsible lover” or “playmate”? How can I and my partner get there together? Labyrinth of Love In her latest book Labyrinth of Love, Dr Wakefield talks about love capacities that can be applied to any aspect of a relationship, including sexuality. Learn about commitment, courage, curiosity, communication, compassion, and creativity and how these affect the success of a relationship. Teamwork Self-awareness is crucial in making a relationship thrive. But at the end of the day, it’s teamwork that will make it happen. Once you discover your own history, anxieties, trauma, etc., you share that with your partner and work together as a sexual team and make it a journey of mutual growth. When couples are distressed about the limits of what they’ve tried and feel stuck, know that these roadblocks may not just simply go away but can be transcended by personal growth. Make co-creation of your sexual relationship worth it and something that both of you want to engage in. Step out of the box and encounter each other anew to open the possibility that the other person can engage in the process. Biography: Dr. Chelsea Wakefield is Director of the Couples Centre for University of Arkansas for Medical Sciences. She is a psychotherapist, educator, conference facilitator, public speaker, and author. Dr. Wakefield has written 3 books: – Labyrinth of Love – Negotiating the Inner Peace Treaty – In Search of Aphrodite: Women, Archetypes and Sex Therapy She is also creator/facilitator of the Luminous Women Weekend Dr. Wakefield believes: The time we invest in healing wounds of the past, rewriting limiting life scripts, and becoming more consciously aware helps us to make more responsible, respectful choices in life. It determines the quality of our relationships. Our level of consciousness and presence benefits everyone around us, life partners, friends, co-workers, community and ultimately our world. Resources and links: Website: http://chelseawakefield.org/ Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/ChelseaWakefieldPhD Twitter: @LuminousWoman More...

The World of Sex Toys Sex educator, Searah Deysach, takes us to the fun and playful world of sex toys. Founder and owner of Early to Bed, Chicago’s first woman-owned sex shop that sells high-quality sex toys, Searah shares her expertise on the different kinds of sex toys and why people use them. For people in a relationship, learn how to talk to your partner about it, how to use it as a couple and how to introduce it to your sexual play. Haven’t tried using a sex toy? Have a listen to know how it could be beneficial and fun! Why do sex toys exist and why do people seek them out? On the most basic level, sex items exist to enhance people’s sex lives. To some people, they may have more therapeutic uses, or tools to solve a certain problem. But for a lot of people, sex toys are used to make sex more fun. Interestingly, the word sex toy has gotten a bad rap all of a sudden, so instead, for marketing purposes, people are calling it a “wellness item” instead of a vibrator. Calling them a different name does not really change anything, but if calling it a wellness item gets it into someone’s hand, then it’s great. The more people see it as part of a healthy sex life, the better it is for everybody. What is a good entry point for people who want to own their first sex toy? There is still a lot of stigma surrounding these products, but there are a lot of sex toys that are discreet that you can easily take with you. Vibrators are always a good entry point. They are versatile and do not interrupt a person’s sex life. Getting the first toy can be intimidating, so whether you plan to buy in store or online, do not hesitate to ask questions. Making an informed choice before you start gives you the best chance of making the toy work for you. When in a relationship, how do you bring it up to your partner? Talking about sex is one of the hardest conversations people have, but it can also be one of the most vital to having good sex. If you want to bring a sex toy in a relationship, do not frame it as a problem solver. If you want more sensation or more orgasm, make it sound more fun as opposed to not having good enough sex with your partner. Finding toys geared towards couples can also be helpful. As with almost anything, communication is key. Do men find sex toys emasculating? Men are burdened with the thought that they’re supposed to give their partners pleasure and that using a sex toy is somehow emasculating. It is not emasculating to get help from toys. What’s worse and actually a disservice to partners is having to fake orgasms just to make the partner feel good about themselves. In the end, we are all responsible for our own pleasure, and we enlist our partner with that. Using toys to elevate the experience and make us all happy should be fully embraced. Biography: Searah Deysach is a sex educator and the owner of Early to Bed and FtM Essentials. In addition to running her retail store and websites, she lectures to community groups and colleges around the country on topics relating to masturbation, sex toys and positive sexuality. She is committed to working to create a culture where everyone has access to honest information about sexuality and all folks have access to the services they need to protect their reproductive rights. Searah is a proud member of Chicago’s LGBTQ+ community and has been featured in numerous outlets including New York Magazine, Cosmopolitan, Washington Post, Shape, Women’s Health, Playgirl, Glamour and many, many more. Resources and links: Website: https://www.early2bed.com/ Instagram: @early2bed More info: Sex Health Quiz – https://www.sexhealthquiz.com The Course – https://www.intimacywithease.com The Book – https://www.sexwithoutstress.com Podcast Website – https://www.intimacywithease.com Access the Free webinar: How to want more sex without it feeling like a chore: https://intimacywithease.com/masterclass Better Sex with Jessa...

Edward Willey talks about his seemingly two separate interests and pursuits – rope play and self-leadership – and his ingenious idea of combining them together to develop and practice. How do rope play and self-leadership intersect? How it started Prompted by his partner’s brilliant idea, Edward Willey started to introduce some movements and meditation practices he used in self-leadership training into his rope play sessions. He quickly realized that people started to learn rope tying techniques but, more importantly, the connection between partners greatly increased. Since then, each session became more about how to stay deeply connected to the partner and less about the technical side of learning how to do each fancy knot. “The knot that binds together” In rope plays, there are two Japanese terms often used: “Shibari,” which means to tie; and “Kinbaku,” which means “to bind tightly.” But more importantly, the word “Misubi,” which means “the knot that binds together” or the thread that ties all of creations together. The true focus of rope play is on the connection that happens between you and your partner, allowing true intimacy and connection to develop. Before getting caught up with the techniques of rope tying, create a foundation of relaxation and confidence with your partner. Make the experience between you and the partner as opposed to you and the rope. How does exploring rope play and leadership make you a better leader and lover? Being able to stay present and relaxed and confident can make your partner feel a lot safer in the bedroom, and it can develop intimacy and more trust between the two of you. If they feel safer, more respected, and more heard, they are more likely to follow the guidance you’re bringing. The same thing applies to leadership. If you can approach your leadership with a relaxed body that’s strong, vibrant, and healthy, with an open heart that’s full of love and connection, people will naturally follow you. The rope is just a tool to develop deep connection and intimacy in order to create a container of safety for your partner. Is self-leadership different when you’re the one being bound? The person trying has more responsibility to take care of the safety of the other, but the person being tied up also has responsibility to be able to speak up if something doesn’t feel right or have questions or concerns. It’s a co-creation and it’s important to speak up. To be able to relax your body is also very important because being tied up can bring up fear and vulnerability. Keeping the mind calm for when it starts to spin up and feel panicky is the same training you give in self-leadership. Resources and links: Websites: https://www.knot-love.com/ https://www.willeyleadership.com/ More info: Sex Health Quiz – https://www.sexhealthquiz.com The Course – https://www.intimacywithease.com The Book – https://www.sexwithoutstress.com Podcast Website – https://www.intimacywithease.com Access the Free webinar: How to want more sex without it feeling like a chore: https://intimacywithease.com/masterclass Better Sex with Jessa Zimmerman https://businessinnovatorsradio.com/better-sex/ Source: https://businessinnovatorsradio.com/214-self-leadership-and-erotic-rope-play-edward-willey More info and resources: Secret Podcast for the Higher Desire Partner: https://www.intimacywithease.com/hdppodcast Secret Podcast for the Lower Desire Partner: https://www.intimacywithease.com/ldppodcast Special Collections of the podcast: Increasing Desire Episodes Eroticism and Excitement Episodes My Favorite Authors How Big a Problem is Your Sex Life? Quiz – https://www.sexlifequiz.com The Course – https://www.intimacywithease.com The Book – https://www.sexwithoutstress.com Podcast Website – https://www.intimacywithease.com Access the Free webinar: How to make sex easy and fun for both of you: https://intimacywithease.com/masterclass