Zero Doinks: World's Weirdest Chicago Bears Podcast

The Bears finally have a dude that eats quarterbacks in Yannick Ngakoue. Took long enough but hey, it's only August. Real fake games are coming and we're here to ignore most of it. Are the Bears all the way back? Our yearly ritual of justifying The Athletic's QB Tiers article has arrived. How much are we pretending to not care about what's happening across the NFC North? Also, the B1G expands again. Hamm's N Ted gets touched on with baseball talk. Gray Balls also all the way back? Plus tons more, including lamenting (?) the death of Pee Wee Herman. Oh yeah, Cameo invited us on their site for some reason, in case you want us to roast your friends and lovers. 0:00 - 1:14 - Intro words and such thank you Arrested Development. 1:14 - 7:32 - What's on tap tonight? 7:32 - 56:00 - Bears Chatter. Yannick yes. What to make of camp. God, we are getting old. Sorry if you're a Ryan Pace guy, you're (probably) out. Family fest drama. QB tiers article burns again. How much are we pretending not to care about Jordan Love and the Packers? Was Pee Wee Herman a pervert? 56:00 - 74:54 - B1G Minute. Oregon and Washington have joined. What could possibly be next? Fleck coins. 74:45 - 92:15 - Let's Wrap this M'Fer Up. Hey, a taste of baseball talk through Hamm's N Ted. Gray Balls all the way back. 92:15 - END - A reminder of time past with Chicago's cancelled trip to Tennessee during the COVID year. --- Send in a voice message: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/zerodoinks/message Support this podcast: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/zerodoinks/support

It's been so long since our last episode and we missed you so much. The Bears are mere days from getting back together to start their climb out of the NFL basement. Justin Fields had a football camp today that Bill's son went to and wow, you have to hear the inside scoop that was learned. Will Fields merely answer some doubts this season or will he establish himself as the best QB in the division? The B1G Minute takes a weird turn this episode after the breathtaking downfall of Northwestern head coach Pat Fitzgerald. Quite the uneasy union of Shrek and locker room twigs + berries. With these hazing allegations fresh in his mind, Darren from Dublin has some shocking new details about his experience from last year's Wildcats-Huskers game in Ireland. (Former?) Northwestern fan Greasetank Frank returns for a stellar look at everything autosports in the latest Dipsh!ts and Dipsticks. Plus will Bill, fresh off vacation, finally pay off his Disney turkey leg promise from years ago? Special thanks this ep: Rick Feelsmen for his timely intro song, Coach Cuse for bumper music, Darren from Dublin for his creative and diseased mind, Greasetank Frank for his autoracing expertise 00:00 - 02:02 - Intro to the show, starring Rick Feelsmen and his incredible tune, apologies to Tom Petty 02:02 - 04:14 - What's on tap? 04:14 - 44:03 - Bears Chatter. Post OTA world. Did Poles forget about edge rusher. Eberflus ranked last. Virginia and Mongo for HOF? Son of Bill Doinks at Justin Fields camp, gathering lots of intel. Hard Knocks and Netflix's QB show. 44:03 - 70:30 - B1G Minute. Northwestern Wut. Fitz fired. Lots of nude 'Cats. Super weird. Did Dan Doinks experience such things at his two college stops? How are the Illini and Gophers looking? 70:30 - 105:03 - DipSh!ts and Dipsticks. Greasetank Frank gives all of us his expertise in car racing, catching us up on NASCAR, Indy and F1. 105:03 - 133:58 - Let's Wrap this M'Fer Up. Grimace celebrated a bday. Bill may or may not have delivered on a Disney promise. 133:58 - END - Outro music and more. Interview between Bill Doinks and his son about Justin Fields camp. Shocking revelations about Darren from Dublin's experience in 2022 when Fitz's 'Cats were in Ireland. Very brave. --- Send in a voice message: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/zerodoinks/message Support this podcast: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/zerodoinks/support

The 2023 Bears schedule came out tonight and as best as Dan and Bill Doinks can tell, there are no losses here. Is this the year Chicago rises in the NFC North? They have an old rival with a new signal-caller coming to town on September 10th to kick off the undefeated season. Bill and Dan both missed the schedule release show and are going through the games for the first time with a fresh and perverse perspective. There's a lot to like (besides home games on Christmas Eve and New Years Eve) in the year of our lord, Justin Fields. 0:00 - 3:39 - Highlights from last episode. 3:39 - 5:52 - What's on tap tonight? 5:52 - 67:18 - There are no losses here. Bill and Dan go through the schedule like only they can. Optimistic? Pessimistic? How do they feel about four prime time games, three of which are on the road? 67:18 - END - Outro randomness. --- Send in a voice message: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/zerodoinks/message Support this podcast: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/zerodoinks/support

The 2023 NFL draft is over and the Bears made out pretty well, wouldn't you say? 10 freshly-plucked lads, featuring a giant of a man in OT Darnell Wright. We dive deep as only we can, matching each new player with the perfect comp for you to consider. How did divisional rivals Green Bay, Detroit and Minnesota fare? And what's next for our boys in navy and orange? Plus Greasetank Frank returns as autosports is reaching a delectable climax now that the calendar has flipped to May. 00:00 - 02:01 - Apologies to Harry Styles. 02:01 - 03:22 - What's on tap? 03:22 - 75:22 - Bears picks and comps. We walk through the top picks leading into the Bears trade from 9 to 10 and arrival at Darnell Wright. Bill's comps take on a strange new angle this year that you are not going to want to miss, with a special erotic sponsorship. 75:22 - 104:26 - NFC North chatter. How did Chicago's divisional rivals fare during the draft? Are the Packers wary to commit to Jordan Love? 104:26 - 116:03 - Dips and Sticks. Greasetank Frank returns in the heat of the motorsports calendar. 116:03 - END: Let's Wrap this M'Fer Up. Jacob Infante hurt Dan Doinks very deeply. --- Send in a voice message: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/zerodoinks/message Support this podcast: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/zerodoinks/support

The 2023 NFL draft is over and the Bears made out pretty well, wouldn't you say? 10 freshly-plucked lads, featuring a giant of a man in OT Darnell Wright. We dive deep as only we can, matching each new player with the perfect comp for you to consider. How did divisional rivals Green Bay, Detroit and Minnesota fare? And what's next for our boys in navy and orange? Plus Greasetank Frank returns as autosports is reaching a delectable climax now that the calendar has flipped to May. 00:00 - 02:01 - Apologies to Harry Styles. 02:00 - 03:22 - What's on tap? 03:22 - 75:22 - Bears picks and comps. We walk through the top picks leading into the Bears trade from 9 to 10 and arrival at Darnell Wright. Bill's comps take on a strange new angle this year that you are not going to want to miss, with a special erotic sponsorship. 75:22 - 104:26 - NFC North chatter. How did Chicago's divisional rivals fare during the draft? Are the Packers wary to commit to Jordan Love? 104:26 - 116:03 - Dipsh!ts and Dipsticks. Greasetank Frank returns in the heat of the motorsports calendar. 116:03 - END: Let's Wrap this M'Fer Up. Jacob Infante hurt Dan Doinks very deeply. --- Send in a voice message: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/zerodoinks/message Support this podcast: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/zerodoinks/support

Draft week is finally here. The boys of Zero Doinks cannot stand mock drafts, as you may or may not know, but in order to understand the want to do such things, one must at some point participate. Dan and Bill go through the Bears picks as if they're a drunk Ryan Poles and the results are .... not amazing. Who do we want the Bears to actually take? Which rumors should be believed? Will Ryan Poles do enough to protect Justin Fields or will this be another middling season? Plus the boys dive into the breaking news of Aaron Rodgers finally being traded to the Jets. The king is dead, at long last. What does that do for Chicago's odds in 2023 and beyond? Plus tons more, including odd angles regarding the Mario Brothers movie, future Dave Madness locations, Tucker Carlson's demise and more. 0:00 - 02:25 - Our version of "Better Man," with a Bears twist, per usual. Apologies to Eddie Vedder. 02:25 - 04:51 - What's on tap tonight and why is Dan obsessed with Brooks Brothers? 04:51 - 72:58 - Bears Pre-Draft. We hate mocks but we do a Bears mock. Poles has a tough call to make with #9, doesn't he? If the Bears don't address OL or DL during round 1, how are we all going to feel as our heads hit the pillow on Thursday night? What's the deal with the beef between Windy City Gridiron's Jacob Infante and Dan Doinks? 72:58 - 107:31 - Rodgers is Dead. The Packers can no longer kick the Bears around with Aaron Rodgers at the helm. Are we okay with the trade results between GB and NY? How do we feel about divisional odds now that Rodgers is gone? 107:31 - END - Let's Wrap this M'Fer Up. We talk way too much about Mario Brothers, including toeing our line between amime and the dark web. Dave Madness recap and projections. We love you, thanks for listening. Check out our new album on Spotify --- Send in a voice message: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/zerodoinks/message Support this podcast: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/zerodoinks/support

Season five of Zero Doinks is underway and the Bears are so back. We dive into the huge trade of the number one pick to Carolina for a haul that includes WR DJ Moore. Should we apologize for our level of arousal? What do we want to see at pick nine, now? SO many picks. But that's not even the news of the day, now that free agency is wet and wild and GM Ryan Poles has struck on (at least) three new starters during day one. What are the biggest remaining needs? Who's left out there? What are our NFC North rivals up to? How annoying is Aaron Rodgers? Plus tons more, including March Madness chatter with our tradition of Dave Madness arriving this week. Greasetank Frank pops in for an autosports update during his Dipsh!ts and Dipsticks segment. 0:00 - 2:39 - Intro sound, including a beautiful song by Rick Feelsmen (inspired by The Beatles) and a brief song nugget by Bill Doinks (thanks, Bee-Gees) 2:39 - 9:46 - What's on tap tonight. We try to wrap our minds around our new AI-generated logo. 9:46 - 41:45 - Bears Trade #1. What do the boys think about Ryan Poles's trade of the top pick in the 2023 NFL draft? DJ Moore opinions, future draft ideas at number nine and beyond, etc. 41:45 - 74:18 - Free agency. Day one of free agency has wrapped and the Bears have three, maybe four, new starters. Who is left, what are our rivals doing, what's wrong with Aaron Rodgers. 74:18 - 96:26 - B1G Minute/March Madness. We are days away from the 2023 NCAA tourney kicking off. How does Bill feel about his Illini? Who are our picks to click? How many beers will be consumed at Dave Madness? 96:26 - 111:25 - Dipsh!ts and Dipsticks. Greasetank Frank takes us around the world of autosports. 111:25 - END - Let's Wrap this M'Fer Up. Baseball, Toffee, Apple TV talk. --- Send in a voice message: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/zerodoinks/message Support this podcast: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/zerodoinks/support

These 20 minutes will tell you all you need to know about the boys of Zero Doinks and their special guests. You will hear the voices and inappropriate nature of Dan and Bill Doinks plus Rick Feelsmen, Coach Cuse, Greasetank Frank and Darren from Dublin. Enjoy the best moments from all 32 episodes of Season 4 of Zero Doinks. --- Send in a voice message: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/zerodoinks/message Support this podcast: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/zerodoinks/support

The NFL season has come to an end and so shall Season 4 of Zero Doinks, but not before an explosive season finale. Rick Feelsmen and Coach Cuse join Dan and Bill Doinks in a special subterranean location in the suburbs of Chicago and a lot of ground is covered and Hamm's are consumed. Will additional special guests adorn your ears? A new musical tune? Jump in below to find out. 0:00 - 01:42 - Intro, including a taste of the Doinks boys honoring a classic Billy Joel tune. 01:42 - 03:32 - What's on tap tonight? 03:32 - 41:33 - Super Bowl review, Bears off-season preview. The Bears are on the clock, can you believe it? But first we'll wrap up some Super Bowl thoughts. Is this the biggest off-season in Bears history? We sure think so. Plus "Keep an Eye on Dan" makes its final appearance of the season, and Rick has something up his sleeve for Dan Doinks. A voice from the S4 season debut pops in late. 41:33 - 78:46 - Hamm's N Bread. America's favorite gambling segment takes its usual twists and turns, as Rick Feelsmen gives us all a live version of his weekly award-winning segment "Hamm's N Spreads." Rick received his reward for his S4 contributions and a very naughty man joins us from overseas. What are the boys going to gamble on during the offseason? They have an idea or two. 78:46 -99:32 - B1G Minute. Consider this a March Madness preview. Which of our beloved teams are going to go dancing? Where's the party going to be this year and do we even want our squads playing during it? Plus what in the world is TT Elite and why are we addicted so quickly? 99:32 - 112:24 - Gray Balls. General Manager and small forward/Coach Cuse gets grilled on the odds of our 35+ intramural basketball team's chances in this year's playoffs. The gifts keep flowing as Coach Cuse accepts a token of our appreciation for putting together a championship squad. 112:24 - 128:35 - Dipsh!ts and Dipsticks. Greasetank Frank is back as autosport season hath arrived. Whether you are an expert or a novice, let Greasetank guide you through Indycar, Nascar and Formula 1. You won't regret a minute. 128:35 - 145:07 - Let's Wrap this M'Fer Up. Let's ignore baseball for the moment because who cares. Everton is still playing. Rick has an answer for the unwelcomed UFOs. Plus whatever else is on our mind after a night of beers. 145:07 -END - Outro Best of Season 4. Enjoy the sounds of Season 4 plus a full-length version of Tony Doinks and the boys doing Billy Joel a'capella. --- Send in a voice message: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/zerodoinks/message Support this podcast: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/zerodoinks/support

Could Week 18 have gone any better? Bears end up with the #1 pick of the 2023 draft thanks to Lovie Smith's Texans stunning win over Indy. The Packers lose a shocker at home to Detroit to knock them out of the playoffs, while the Lions have to watch Seattle sneak into the number one seed thanks to a tiebreaker. The regular season is over, thank the sweet lord, and it's time to look to the off-season as well as glance at what is a pretty wide open playoff bracket. Rick Feelsmen pops by for his latest HOT picks (he's 7-2 over the last three weeks) as the boys project the playoff field, wrap up the first year of Eberflus/Poles and talk about initial thoughts about what to do with pick number one. 0:00 - 01:23 - Intro led by a voice Bill Doinks wish he had, John Legend 01:23 - 03:28 - What's On Tap Tonight? (a brief word from our sponsor (via Spotify)) 03:28 - 46:08 - Wrapping up the regular season, time for Poles to cook. The NFL runs through Chicago in the first time in forever and we couldn't be more here for it. We relish the demise of the Green Bay Packers and start thinking about what we'd like the Bears to do with pick #1. 46:08 - 73:35 - Hamm's N Bread. What are our playoff predictions? Rick Feelsmen and his scorching hot picks stops in. (a brief word from our sponsor (via Spotify)) 73:35 - 92:28 - Let's Wrap This M'Fer Up. Not much to talk about with the college football title game but we dive so deep into NFL teams looking for coaches named Harbaugh or Payton. 92:28 - END - Best of S4, to date. Almost 17 minutes in heaven. --- Send in a voice message: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/zerodoinks/message Support this podcast: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/zerodoinks/support

One (pointless?) game to go this weekend against the Vikings. To play Fields or to sit him out, that's one of the questions on our mind. We don't really acknowledge the Lions game because who cares. We, along with Bears Nation, are huge Lovie Smith fans this weekend as the Texans can gift wrap the top pick to Chicago, assuming the Bears don't light Minnesota up on Sunday for reasons unknown. We spray to all fields, including Joe Ratzinger, Kevin Warren, ping pong, an obscure Minneapolis law and of course our concern over Buffalo safety Damar Hamlin. Two episodes left in Season 4 after this one, lovebugs. --- Send in a voice message: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/zerodoinks/message Support this podcast: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/zerodoinks/support

After a loss to Josh Allen and the Bills, coupled with a Lovie Smith Texans W, with two games left the Bears are half a game out of a shot at the number one pick in the 2023 NFL draft. First, Dan Campbell and his considerable body awaits JF1 and the hapless Bears. We'll chat about things, including Pinocchio (again), our declining numbers in India, Dan Pompei's stupid weekly column and the whole process of rebuilding/soft-tanking. --- Send in a voice message: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/zerodoinks/message Support this podcast: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/zerodoinks/support

Justin Fields more than held his own against the 13-1 Philadelphia Eagles, throwing to a WR group who should probably not be in the league. He is and always has been the chosen one. Is there a button to sim to the end of the season? We'd like to press it. Alas, Josh Allen is coming to town on Christmas Eve to shove all sorts of things into and around our sacks as there are but three weeks left until a critical offseason for GM Ryan Poles. --- Send in a voice message: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/zerodoinks/message Support this podcast: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/zerodoinks/support

The boys are well-rested after a bye week and they only have a few words to say about the latest Bears-Packers game. Dan flip flops for the first time regarding how the 2023 NFL Draft board is shaping up, which is shocking as a "not a big mock draft" guy. Jalen Hurts and the Eagles visit this weekend which gives us all a glimpse as to what Justin Fields is going to look like next year. Rick Feelsmen pops in with a new tune and lots of hot picks. Bowl season is upon us soon as the Illini, sans a defensive coordinator, gear up to face the devastated Mississippi State squad fresh off of the tragic loss of Mike Leach. Plus tons more. --- Send in a voice message: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/zerodoinks/message Support this podcast: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/zerodoinks/support

Lots of surprises this episode as the boys do a little reversal of roles from time to time. Did the Jets game really happen? One of the boys might need to game explained to him, we shall see. Aaron Rodgers seems to be being chased out of GB by Packers' fans - will this be the last time he suits up at Soldier Field? Feel like we asked that same question last year. Plus college football's regular season has wrapped - how did the Illini and Gophers end up? Tons more, including new tunes courtesy of two Fans N Eggs. --- Send in a voice message: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/zerodoinks/message Support this podcast: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/zerodoinks/support

Welp, the homecoming to Georgia didn't quite go as planned for Justin Fields as he left with another loss and a painful left shoulder. Will he play this week? This year? Should he? Are we going to watch Bears-Jets if he isn't playing? So many questions this episode, including "Does Zero Doinks have a Wikipedia page and if not, why not?" The highlight of these Bears games is probably the Zero Doinks boys losing their cool over Dan Pompei's observations and seeing if Dan Doinks can guess Tweets correctly during "Keep an Eye on Dan." Rick Feelsmen pops in for his three hot picks of the week. Greasetank summarizes 2022's racing season in what may or may not be his last appearance of this year (we hope not). Plus tons more, including a Thanksgiving weekend filled with B1G rivalry games. --- Send in a voice message: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/zerodoinks/message Support this podcast: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/zerodoinks/support

Justin Fields was magic again last week versus Detroit but he can't play defense or special teams for the boys. Who really cares (besides Dan Wiederer), though, as this year continues to be about JF1's development, yes? Dan walks us through the streets of Atlanta which await a homecoming for native Georgian Justin Fields. Rick Feelsmen and Greasetank pop in for their weekly expertise plus tons more, including the return of "Keep an Eye on Dan." Oh yeah, and we need to talk a little about the Illini blowing their B1G West stranglehold. Gray Balls back soon - are both Dan and Bill all the way in? Father Randy may make another appearance here, as does the Cornish Hen. We have good reason to suggest that everyone should boycott FedEx. --- Send in a voice message: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/zerodoinks/message Support this podcast: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/zerodoinks/support

Dan Doinks was in the house for JF1's ridiculous game against Miami. We promised to wait until the Jets game to announce whether we were all in or not - is it time? I think it might be time. Dan Campbell and his beautiful face come to town this week as the Bears try to get in the win column for the first time in awhile. But that's not the point, is it? Rick Feelsmen and Greasetank Frank pop in for their takes on gambling and autosports. The Illini suffer a tough loss against Michigan State but will still be on track to take the B1G West with a win this weekend. Plus tons more per usual, including a new segment within a segment "Keep An Eye on Dan." --- Send in a voice message: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/zerodoinks/message Support this podcast: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/zerodoinks/support

The NFL's annual swap meat saw the Bears being active, shipping Roquan out and the man Canadians call "Mapletron" in, along with some additional draft capital and a LB no one has heard of. Will Claypool be helpful or does he seem odd? Was it the right move to trade Ro? Plus a quick look at our thoughts on how JF1 looked against Dallas + Dan Doinks walks us through the red hot Miami squad who is visiting this weekend. Plus tons more, including chatter about the #13 Illini who are two wins away from clinching the B1G West. --- Send in a voice message: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/zerodoinks/message Support this podcast: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/zerodoinks/support

The 2022 Chicago Bears are the greatest football team anyone has ever laid eyes on. Matt Eberflus is better than Bill Belichick. Justin Fields has turned a corner and will be leading the Bears to glory even earlier than originally thought. The boys (one of whom was oddly not stationary during most of this episode) still can't believe what happened on Monday night in Foxboro. The Bears are back. The Illini are the best team in the B1G, if not the country. It's Football Town USA here on Zero Doinks. --- Send in a voice message: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/zerodoinks/message Support this podcast: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/zerodoinks/support