This Gun in My Hand

How do you convey love at first sight on an audio-only medium? What does that sound like? What in tarnation has got into you? Listen to find out! Love at First Sound, episode 149 of This Gun in My Hand, was [finger pop from mouth][side of mouth razz][quick burst of siren whistle][GUN_FIRE] by Rob Northrup. This episode and all others are available on Youtube with automatically-generated closed captions of dialog. Visit http://ThisGuninMyHand.blogspot.com for credits, show notes, archives, and to buy my books, such as Sisyphus, Eat Your Heart Out, available in paperback and ebook from Amazon. This episode is dedicated to Melinda [TING], and to our good friends Patrick and Anita celebrating their honeymoon on Ganymede. [Ting, Ting!] What’s the best way to coax the delicate flower of love to blossom? This Gun in My Hand! Show Notes: 1. I keep trying to make a joke that shows on shortwave radio are second-rate compared with FM radio. Melinda, being a longtime expert, reminded me that people in our time like Alex Jones, ReviewBrah and various cult leaders have to pay extra to have their shows broadcast on shortwave. So maybe it should be considered a status symbol instead of a mark of weakness. 2. Listeners have already heard The Cherry Pachyderm’s real name, Latthew Morressier, during his first appearance in episode 24, “Consulting Defectives.” He forgot but I didn’t. https://archive.org/details/tgimh-24-consulting-defectives 3. It came out sounding like I’m dragging hillbillies for hoping their kids take the same job their father and grandfather had, but it’s not what I intended. I think this expectation is similar for people all over the US. Even though my grandfather (the master plumber) and my dad (the steamfitter) would be glad I got an office job instead of following in their footsteps, there’s a part of me that feels like I let them down by taking a different path. Credits: Music in this episode came from these public domain films: The Sun Sets at Dawn (1950), Too Late for Tears (1949, aka Killer Bait) and The Big Combo (1955). Most of the music and sound effects used in the episode are modified or incomplete versions of the originals. Sound Effect Title: footsteps cellar.wav License: Public Domain https://freesound.org/people/gecop/sounds/545030/ Sound Effect Title: Run-Out Groove of a 78 RPM Record – Archival Noise Texture by Auroch_Media License: Creative Commons Attribution 4.0 https://freesound.org/s/440733/ Sound Effect Title: Xylo N&D 72 C4.aif by beskhu License: Public Domain https://freesound.org/s/273879/ Sound Effect Title: Glockenspiel_46_f4_04 by cabled_mess License: Public Domain https://freesound.org/s/348924/ Sound Effect Title: Piano Note.wav by kelsey_w License: Creative Commons Attribution 3.0 https://freesound.org/s/467047/ Sound Effect Title: medium wine glass.wav by Tairblenn License: Public Domain https://freesound.org/s/549900/ Sound Effect Title: Car_motor_Sound.m4a License: Public Domain https://freesound.org/people/Blizzard123/sounds/504633/# Sound Effect Title: Traffic mel 1.wav by malupeeters License: Creative Commons Attribution 4.0 https://freesound.org/people/malupeeters/sounds/191350/ Sound Effect Title: Clothing_ShirtsandPants_Rustling.wav by duckduckpony License: Creative Commons Attribution 4.0 https://freesound.org/s/204016/ Sound Effect Title: Heels on Pavement.wav License: Public Domain https://freesound.org/people/B.Harkins/sounds/683658/ Sound Effect Title: banjo song.mp3 by Prime45 License: Public Domain https://freesound.org/s/522715/ Sound Effect Title: Toy Gun 7 License: Public Domain https://freesound.org/people/giddster/sounds/434720/ Sound Effect Title: laser gun License: Public Domain https://freesound.org/people/Superglue28/sounds/499696/ Sound Effect Title: Horse Whinny 1.wav by GoodListener License: Creative Commons Attribution 3.0 https://freesound.org/s/322445/ Music Title: Händel’s Messiah Composed by Georg Friedrich...

How will Falk take down a bank robber when aromatic, freshly minted heroes keep getting in the way? What’s their origin story? You own some carnival rides? Listen to find out! The Yeast of These My Brethren, episode 148 of This Gun in My Hand, was punched into shape by Rob Northrup. This episode and all others are available on Youtube with automatically-generated closed captions of dialog. Visit http://ThisGuninMyHand.blogspot.com for credits, show notes, archives, and would it kill ya to buy my books? Such as Sisyphus, Eat Your Heart Out, available in paperback and ebook from Amazon. Why do they always need irradiated chemicals when the best origin is This Gun in My Hand?! Show Notes: 1. From the Bible, King James Version, Matthew 25:40: “And the King shall answer and say unto them, Verily I say unto you, Inasmuch as ye have done it unto one of the least of these my brethren, ye have done it unto me.” 2. Obvious mistake I didn’t notice until after recording. Beer Man says he gained his powers last week. Then he mentions using his powers for three months. Continuity is hard! A no-prize will be awarded to anyone who rationalizes those statements. Credits: Music in this episode came from these public domain films: The Sun Sets at Dawn (1950), and Too Late for Tears (1949, aka Killer Bait). Most of the music and sound effects used in the episode are modified or incomplete versions of the originals. Ironized Yeast Tonic radio commercial, vintage unknown, assumed to be public domain. https://www.oldradioworld.com/media/Vintage%20Commercials%20Ironized%20Yeast.mp3 Sound Effect Title: 22lr Caliber Rifle Shots and Reloading License: Public Domain https://freesound.org/s/717133/ Sound Effect Title: Gun Fire by GoodSoundForYou License: Creative Commons Attribution 3.0 http://soundbible.com/1998-Gun-Fire.html Sound Effect Title: Kimmokkeita / Ricochets by YleArkisto License: Creative Commons Attribution 4.0 https://freesound.org/people/YleArkisto/sounds/401921/ Sound Effect Title: Metal Frame.mp3 by TheBoulder3400 License: Public Domain https://freesound.org/s/636096/ Sound Effect Title: footsteps cellar.wav License: Public Domain https://freesound.org/people/gecop/sounds/545030/ Sound Effect Title: Hose Sounds.mp3 by JazzyBay License: Public Domain https://freesound.org/people/JazzyBay/sounds/435052/ Sound Effect Title: Spraying water from a garden hose by meisterjaan License: Creative Commons Attribution 3.0 https://freesound.org/s/323485/ Sound Effect Title: Leather Car Seat 2 by Filmscore License: Public Domain https://freesound.org/s/830202/ Sound Effect Title: Car_motor_Sound.m4a License: Public Domain https://freesound.org/people/Blizzard123/sounds/504633/# The image accompanying this episode is a modified version of a print ad for ironized yeast, assumed to be public domain, date and artist unknown. Image Alt text: Print magazine ad for Ironized Yeast featuring a photo of a woman in a striped bathing suit next to a comic strip. A word balloon above the woman in the photo has her saying ‘If men “hate the sight of you”--read this–.’ In the first panel of the comic, two young men run past an emaciated woman in a black one-piece bathing suit. One of the men says, “Let’s beat it__here comes that skinny dame.” The second ad shows the skinny dame seated wearing a short sleeve top with possibly ragged sleeve edges. As she reads a newspaper with a prominent ad headlined “GAIN 10 LBS,” she says, “Men hate the sight of me, I’m so skinny. I’m going to try Ironized Yeast.” The third panel has a black arrow labeled “A FEW WEEKS LATER” pointing towards the action. A smiling woman filling out a bikini, no longer a skinny dame, poses with one hand on hip and the other on the back of her hair. A young man in dark shorts holds her bicep in one hand, saying, “You’re gorgeous since you’ve gained weight!” Two other men in the background run towards them. Across the bottom, large letters read, “THOUSANDS OF SKINNY...

Will Falk survive a journey through the gentle but confounding borderlands of the Tealight Zone with a bloodthirsty villain on his trail? Will they put him in gaol? ¿Qué onda, güero? Listen to find out! The Downside of Uplifting, episode 147 of This Gun in My Hand, was lifted upside down by Rob Northrup. This episode and all others are available on Youtube with automatically-generated closed captions of dialog. Visit http://ThisGuninMyHand.blogspot.com for credits, show notes, archives, and to buy my wholesome books, such as Sisyphus, Eat Your Heart Out, available in paperback and ebook from Amazon. How do I say goodnight? With This Gun in My Hand! Show Notes: 1. The creator and narrator of The Waltons, Earl Hamner Jr., got his big break in Hollywood when one of his scripts was accepted for The Twilight Zone. I swear I didn’t find that out until this episode was half finished. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Earl_Hamner_Jr. 2. The actor Will Geer was a bisexual communist who pled the fifth in front of the House Un-American Activities Committee in 1951 and somehow managed to come back as the wholesome Zebulon “Grandpa” Walton in the 1970s. https://travsd.wordpress.com/2019/03/09/will-geer-queer-communist-and-as-american-as-apple-pie/ 3. For more stories about Half-Pint stealing a Native American baby and her Pa stealing gold, read Little Heist in the Big Woods and Other Revisionist Atrocities by Rob Northrup. Available in ebook and paperback at https://www.amazon.com/Little-Heist-Woods-Revisionist-Atrocities/dp/B0DPDGW52B/ 4. Juan-Boy gets mugged in Wheeling, West Virginia in season one, episode 20, broadcast Feb 8, 1973. I mean, if there had been a tv show called The Wholesomes, that’s when it might have been. 5. Other more or less wholesome tv shows I love are Cranford, Return to Cranford, and Lark Rise to Candleford, which are not mentioned in this episode because they were covered adequately in Episode 108, “Zildjian’s Away to Shropshire.” https://archive.org/details/tgimh-108-zildjians-away-to-shropshire 6. For the record, I didn’t copy the exact audio of harmonica and xylophone notes from any tv show. I recreated it with an actual harmonica (one chord, not very difficult) and one pre-recorded xylophone note. Took me twenty minutes of manipulation to sound more or less right. Credits: Music in this episode came from these public domain films: The Sun Sets at Dawn (1950), and Too Late for Tears (1949, aka Killer Bait). Most of the music and sound effects used in the episode are modified or incomplete versions of the originals. Guest starring Melinda as Abuelita (Esther Wholesome)! Sound Effect Title: G17-03-Barnyard with Chickens.wav by craigsmith License: Public Domain https://freesound.org/s/438149/ Sound Effect Title: R24-06-Barnyard Ambience.wav by craigsmith License: Public Domain https://freesound.org/s/479606/ Sound Effect Title: Footsteps on gravel by Joozz License: Creative Commons Attribution 4.0 https://freesound.org/people/Joozz/sounds/531952/ Sound Effect Title: Xylo N&D 72 C4.aif by beskhu License: Public Domain https://freesound.org/s/273879/ Sound Effect Title: Real Colt 45 M1911 (shot) by Carmelomike License: Creative Commons Attribution 3.0 https://freesound.org/people/Carmelomike/sounds/255216/ Sound Effect Title: Gun Fire by GoodSoundForYou License: Creative Commons Attribution 3.0 http://soundbible.com/1998-Gun-Fire.html Sound Effect Title: Crickets.wav by ItsTheGoodstuff License: Creative Commons Attribution 4.0 https://freesound.org/s/656116/ The image accompanying this episode is a modified detail of a public domain etching print titled “Landscape with Six Single Trees and Three Small Farm-Houses” by Augustin Hirschvogel (1503-1553). https://commons.wikimedia.org/wiki/File:Augustin_Hirschvogel,_Landscape_with_Six_Single_Trees_and_Three_Small_Farm-Houses,_NGA_37108.jpg Image Alt text: An etching of a farmhouse with trees to the sides, a cart or wagon in front of...

What if this beautiful day is just a dream? What if it’s a story contrived by someone with ulterior motives? What does a guy gotta do to get some shut-eye around here? Listen to find out! On the Gunny Side of the Street, episode 146 of This Gun in My Hand, was brought to light by Rob Northrup. This episode and all others are available on Youtube with automatically-generated closed captions of dialog. Visit http://ThisGuninMyHand.blogspot.com for credits, show notes, archives, and to buy my books, such as Sisyphus, Eat Your Heart Out, available in paperback and ebook from Amazon. With what do I pierce the veil between our illusory existence and the dark truth underlying it all? This Gun in My Hand! Show Notes: 1. For Cherry Pachyderm’s arguments that chili does not exist, listen to episode 73, “Escalating Pitch.” https://archive.org/details/tgimh-73-escalating-pitch 2. In an earlier episode, Cherry Pachyderm describes the emblem on his chest as a cherry tree. The elephant is hiding in the cherry tree so you can’t see it. People were confused by his emblem and started calling him “Cherry Tree,” so he changed it to a red elephant at some point. [This is a retcon. Outside of the story, I just forgot what his emblem was and thought it was always an elephant. I caught this mistake before recording the episode and wrote dialog for him to explain it, but it was too boring. Now it’s a little lagniappe for people who read the show notes!] 3. After Cherry mentions the germ theory of disease, I was going to make a dig at RFK jr’s preferred “miasma theory” of disease. But it’s supposed to be a happy story to take your mind off our grim reality. Credits: The opening and closing music in this episode came from two public domain films, The Sun Sets at Dawn (1950) and Killer Bait (1949). Most of the music and sound effects are modified or incomplete versions of the originals. Sound Effect Title: Perfect SongBirds (Seamlessly Loopable) by DreamSavvyr License: Public domain https://freesound.org/s/781115/ Sound Effect Title: Park ambience - mostly birds License: Public domain https://freesound.org/people/Mafon2/sounds/274175/# Sound Effect Title: children1.mp3 by yacou License: Public domain https://freesound.org/s/190894/ Sound Effect Title: footsteps cellar.wav License: Public Domain https://freesound.org/people/gecop/sounds/545030/ Sound Effect Title: FEETHmn-MCU_Footsteps, On Grass_Nicholas Judy_TDC by designerschoice License: Public domain https://freesound.org/s/807862/ Sound Effect Title: hamp rope creaks by 6polnic License: Public domain https://freesound.org/s/231438/ Music title: On the Sunny Side of the Street Composed by Jimmy McHugh (some think it was Fats Waller) Lyrics by Dorothy Fields Performed by Ted Lewis and his Band, 1930 License: Public domain https://archive.org/details/78_on-the-sunny-side-of-the-street_ted-lewis-and-his-band_wave The image accompanying this episode is a modified detail from this public domain photograph: Title: Detail view of terrazzo floor medallion - National Zoological Park, Elephant House, 3001 Connecticut Avenue NW, Washington, District of Columbia, DC. Photographer: Rosenthal, James W. License: Public domain https://commons.wikimedia.org/wiki/File:Detail_view_of_terrazzo_floor_medallion_-_National_Zoological_Park,_Elephant_House,_3001_Connecticut_Avenue_NW,_Washington,_District_of_Columbia,_DC_HABS_dc-777-C-26.tif Image Alt text: A red pictogram of an elephant on a circular white background, surrounded by more red. The whole thing is shot through with light and dark gray flecks as if rusted or distressed.

What could you do to frustrate or delay the jackbooted thugs in your community if you lived under an authoritarian regime? Where can you find more practical methods of sabotage? What’s the hair and salt for? Listen to find out! This Wrench in My Gears, episode 145 of This Gun in My Hand, was maliciously wrecked by Rob Northrup. This episode and all others are available on Youtube with automatically-generated closed captions of dialog. Visit http://ThisGuninMyHand.blogspot.com for credits, show notes, archives, and to buy my books, such as Sisyphus, Eat Your Heart Out, available in paperback and ebook from Amazon. What do I use on slot machines to avoid developing a gambling problem? This Gun in My Hand! Show Notes: 1. This episode was inspired by Mother Bone's posts about the Simple Sabotage Field Manual, released internally in 1944 by the OSS (predecessor of the CIA) and declassified in 2018. The concepts could be used today by anyone resisting an occupying force or authoritarian regime. Direct quotes from the manual appear throughout this episode. https://archive.org/details/simplesabotagefi26184gut/page/n5/mode/2up 2. I have pocket knives with pictures of Tarzan and Lash LaRue on the handles. Here’s a picture of a colorful Hopalong Cassidy pocket knife: https://www.etsy.com/listing/1068482143/vintage-hopalong-cassidy-pocket-knife?dd_referrer=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.google.com%2F 3. I thought I was being ridiculous imagining slot machines branded with 1930s comic strip characters, but apparently there was really a Blondie machine at some point, and just last year they released a video slot machine featuring The Phantom. https://www.aristocratgaming.com/us/slots/games/the-phantom 4. Anachronism! Lash LaRue’s first film appearance was in 1944, and he only began to star in Westerns around 1947. 4. Anachronism! The comic strip Sad Sack was first published in Yank, The Army Weekly in June 1942. The generic expression “sad sack” may not have been common until after the comic strip became popular. Credits: Music in this episode came from three public domain films: The Sun Sets at Dawn (1950), The Scar (aka Hollow Triumph, 1948), and Killer Bait (1949). Most of the music and sound effects used in the episode are modified or incomplete versions of the originals. Sound Effect Title: Heels on Pavement.wav License: Public Domain https://freesound.org/people/B.Harkins/sounds/683658/ Sound Effect Title: School door with metal latch inside.aif by timonunderwater License: Public Domain https://freesound.org/s/532788/ Fair use brief audio clip of William Shatner taken from outtake of a recording session for the 1993 PC Game Star Trek: Judgment Rites. The image accompanying this episode is a modified detail of a photograph by Horst Grund from 1943 titled “Sizilien, Reifenpanne mit VW-Kübelwagen.” Italy, Sicily, 1943. A flat tire on a VW-Kübelwagen, soldier with jack going to replace the tire. By Bundesarchiv, Creative Commons License Attribution-ShareAlike Germany 3.0. (Note that the CC Attribution-Share Alike license applies only to this image, not to the text or audio from this episode.) Image Alt text: Color photo of a soldier in short sleeves and khaki shorts cranking a jack along the driver’s side of a VW Kubelwagen with a flat tire. The hood over the engine compartment in the rear of the car is open. The car is beige, dirty and worn. The background appears to be a large body of water or sea with hills or mountains rising over it. The photo was taken in Sicily, Italy, in 1943. I’m not familiar enough with military uniforms to tell if this is a German or Italian soldier.

What if logicality warping? Source of warpage unknown. Gun hero prancing for answers. Will satisfying resolution evince? Only listeners find out! Humoresce Anecdotage, episode 144 of This Gun in My Hand, was Tuesday banister by Rob Northrup. This episode and all others are available on Youtube with automatically-generated closed captions of dialog. Visit http://ThisGuninMyHand.blogspot.com for credits, show notes, archives, and to buy my books, such as Sisyphus, Eat Your Heart Out, available in paperback and ebook from Amazon. What if cantina pickle destiny? That Gun Right There! Show Notes: 1. Madison Standish is the star of Madison On the Air, an audio drama podcast about an internet influencer zapped into old time radio shows. The scripts are taken from actual shows, rewritten to insert Madison and performed by a modern cast. Highly recommended. https://www.madisonontheair.com/ Credits: The opening music clip was from The Sun Sets at Dawn (1950), and the closing music was from Killer Bait (1949), both films in the public domain. Most of the music and sound effects used in the episode are modified or incomplete versions of the originals. Music surrounding or during commercials came from “Journey Into Fear,” an episode of the radio show Hour of Mystery first broadcast on June 9, 1946. Sound Effect Title: Glitch Element 13.wav by Glitchedtones License: Creative Commons Attribution 4.0 https://freesound.org/s/223311/ Sound Effect Title: Glitch Element 05.wav by Glitchedtones License: Creative Commons Attribution 4.0 https://freesound.org/s/223304/ Sound Effect Title: Glitch Element 06.wav by Glitchedtones License: Creative Commons Attribution 4.0 https://freesound.org/s/223303/ Sound Effect Title: BitCrushedGlitch1.wav by NickR2020 License: Creative Commons Attribution 3.0 https://freesound.org/s/525050/ Sound Effect Title: wetfart glitch.flac by dudebroman2 License: Public Domain https://freesound.org/s/592181/ Sound Effect Title: Gun Fire by GoodSoundForYou License: Creative Commons Attribution 3.0 http://soundbible.com/1998-Gun-Fire.html Sound Effect Title: G32-08-Buzzing Sparks.wav by craigsmith License: Public Domain https://freesound.org/s/438492/ Sound Effect Title: modem_sounds.wav by joedeshon License: Creative Commons Attribution 4.0 https://freesound.org/s/80288/ Sound Effect Title: d_s478_riding.wav by relwin License: Public Domain https://freesound.org/s/686059/ Sound Effect Title: emmentaler steam train.mp3 by Zozzy License: Public Domain https://freesound.org/s/56645/ Sound Effect Title: Stomach Rumble License: Public Domain https://freesound.org/people/yrdn/sounds/473989/ Sound Effect Title: Industrial Buzz 2.wav by DeVern License: Public Domain https://freesound.org/s/346396/ Music Title: Unus Ex Discipulis Meis (You Are One of My Students) Composed by Tomás Luis de Victoria Performed by Anonymous Choir License: Public Domain https://freemusicarchive.org/music/Anonymous_Choir/Toms_Luis_de_Victorias_Unus_Ex_Discipulis_Meis/Unus_Ex_Discipulis_Meis/ Sound Effect Title: hamster in a jar.wav by Liancu License: Public Domain https://freesound.org/s/344728/ Sound Effect Title: Mouse Squeaks.wav by shyguy014 License: Public Domain https://freesound.org/s/463789/ Sound Effect Title: Stampede by bevibeldesign License: Public Domain https://freesound.org/s/350425/ Sound Effect Title: Hand saw by SoundsLikeYukon License: Public Domain https://freesound.org/s/760611/ The image accompanying this episode is a collage including: 1. Background “VaporwaveWP3Print by Mike Grauer Jr_CC-BY. License: Creative Commons Attribution 2.0 Generic. https://www.flickr.com/photos/mike_grauer/26310058937/ 2. The comic book figure on the left of the picture is from the public domain comic All-True Detective Cases Number 1 (1952), art by Vince Alascia. The hand with gun is from the same issue, artist unknown. Image Alt text: A wobbly grid extends across a floor changing from light...

Will Falk and Reverend Gusmacher survive the rows of gunbots waiting to receive them in Santopolis? Will they repel the robot invasion? When did rectal digital examination become common practice? Listen in case you might find out! Dead End on Holiday Road, episode 143 of This Gun in My Hand, was up-armored and driven by Rob Northrup. This episode and all others are available on Youtube with automatically-generated closed captions of dialog. Visit http://ThisGuninMyHand.blogspot.com for credits, show notes, archives, and to buy my books, such as Sisyphus, Eat Your Heart Out, available in paperback and ebook from Amazon. What will the Sandman bring you this year? This Gun in My Hand! Show Notes: 1. Reverend Gusmacher acts like a jerk in some ways. This is not meant as a generalization about the behavior of all clergy or members of his denomination. Any factual errors should be blamed on the characters, not the writer. 2. Why does Falk say “robit” sometimes and “robot” other times? Because he’s making an effort to say it the way everybody else does but forgetting sometimes. Credits: The opening music clip was from The Sun Sets at Dawn (1950), and the closing music was from Killer Bait (1949), both films in the public domain. Most of the music and sound effects used in the episode are modified or incomplete versions of the originals. Sound Effect Title: chugging diesel (bus) and rev.MP3 License: Public Domain https://freesound.org/people/CraftyIndividual/sounds/418436/ Sound Effect Title: WaHi Airbrakes blast.mp3 License: Public Domain https://freesound.org/people/chripei/sounds/393663/ Sound Effect Title: Gear Grinding Sound Effect 14 https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ixw7jInQvKo Sound Effect Title: 38 Caliber Gun Shot 5x Recorded by Mike Koenig License: Creative Commons Attribution 3.0 http://soundbible.com/375-38-Caliber-Gun-Shot-5x.html Sound Effect Title: Gun Fire by GoodSoundForYou License: Creative Commons Attribution 3.0 http://soundbible.com/1998-Gun-Fire.html Sound Effect Title: Machine gun.wav by CGEffex License: Creative Commons Attribution 4.0 https://freesound.org/s/101962/ Sound Effect Title: Real Colt 45 M1911 (shot) by Carmelomike License: Creative Commons Attribution 3.0 https://freesound.org/people/Carmelomike/sounds/255216/ Sound Effect Title: S18-25 Rifle shots battle.wav License: Public Domain https://freesound.org/people/craigsmith/sounds/675666/ The image accompanying this episode is a modified detail of the back cover from the public domain Greyhound promotional comic book Driving Like a Pro (1958), artist unknown. https://digitalcomicmuseum.com/preview/index.php?did=31501 Image Alt text: Comic book art of a passenger bus, an angled view near the front door. A smiling man in dark blue uniform and cap holds the door open as he moves to enter it. Behind him, a young boy in yellow and black short-sleeved shirt waves. Near the top, it’s labeled DEAD END ON HOLIDAY ROAD. A box near bottom right is labeled EPISODE 143 OF THIS GUN IN MY HAND. A word balloon aimed at the man says, “Sorry, Billy. I’ve got to weld steel plates on this bus so I can deliver the padre to testify against robot imposters in Santopolis. We can play catch later, if I survive.”

The Revolution has come and it’s interrupting a team meeting. Who are these brave men and women fighting for freedom, wherever there’s trouble? Will Falk stand with them or against them? Would you believe I’m a cyborg? Listen to find out! When the Revolution Scrums, episode 142 of This Gun in My Hand, was produced by the means of Rob Northrup. This episode and all others are available on Youtube with automatically-generated closed captions of dialog. Visit http://ThisGuninMyHand.blogspot.com for credits, show notes, archives, and to buy my books, such as Sisyphus, Eat Your Heart Out, available in paperback and ebook from Amazon. How do I signal the beginning or end of the two week intervals by which we measure progress in the revolution? With This Gun in My Hand! Show Notes: 1. Thanks to W. Town Andrews for pointing out the mispronunciation of “Tagalog” in episode 140. 2. The Witchy Lion Closet was published in 1950, so Billy must have heard the story from Catch-2022. Credits: The opening music clip was from The Sun Sets at Dawn (1950), and the closing music was from Killer Bait (1949), both films in the public domain. Most of the music and sound effects used in the episode are modified or incomplete versions of the originals. Sound Effect Title: gavel-double.flac By zerolagtime (Sen. John Kerry recorded from C-Span) License: Creative Commons Attribution 3.0 https://freesound.org/people/zerolagtime/sounds/70069/ Sound Effect Title: 38 Caliber Gun Shot 5x Recorded by Mike Koenig License: Creative Commons Attribution 3.0 http://soundbible.com/375-38-Caliber-Gun-Shot-5x.html Sound Effect Title: Kicking/Forcing/Breaking Wooden Door License: Public Domain https://freesound.org/people/qubodup/sounds/160213/ Sound Effect Title: Running in boots on wood floors by ayse.j.e License: Creative Commons Attribution 4.0 https://freesound.org/s/785429/ Commercial Song Title: The Fairy Queen, Z. 629 Composed by Henry Purcell, 1692. Performed by Carl Pini, John Tunnell, Anthony Pini and Harold Lester. License: Public Domain https://musopen.org/music/11140-the-fairy-queen-z629/ Sound Effect Title: Wind-up Crank by RICHERlandTV License: Public Domain https://freesound.org/s/265614/ -- License: Creative Commons 0 Sound Effect Title: R02-06-Medium Crowd Applause.wav License: Public Domain https://freesound.org/people/craigsmith/sounds/480682/ Sound Effect Title: Gun Fire by GoodSoundForYou License: Creative Commons Attribution 3.0 http://soundbible.com/1998-Gun-Fire.html Sound Effect Title: G32-08-Buzzing Sparks.wav by craigsmith License: Public Domain https://freesound.org/s/438492/ The image accompanying this episode is a modified detail from The Uprising by Diego Rivera, 1931. Image Alt text: Painting of a battle between men in beige uniforms and workers in newsboy caps and blue overalls waving red flags or banners. In the foreground, an angry woman in an orange dress carrying a baby pushes away a sabre thrust by one of the soldiers. A man next to her pulls away to avoid the thrust. There’s a man on the ground behind them clutching his stomach or chest.

Why is a bank robber giving up so easily in the middle of a gunfight? Why did he bring a crowd of people to cheer him on? Who chose the snacks to sell at this spectacle? Listen to find out! Bringing a Gun to a Fistfight, episode 141 of This Gun in My Hand, was set-up and knocked down by Rob Northrup. This episode and all others are available on Youtube with automatically-generated closed captions of dialog. Visit http://ThisGuninMyHand.blogspot.com for credits, show notes, archives, and to buy my books, such as Sisyphus, Eat Your Heart Out, available in paperback and ebook from Amazon. How do I keep lawns tidy? This Gun in My Hand! Show Notes: 1. The expression “win one for the Gipper” came from the film Knute Rockne, All-American, released in October 1940. 2. This episode was inspired by the 1949 film The Set-Up. Doses of wicked humor between scenes of drama and tension and cynicism. Credits: The opening music clip was from The Sun Sets at Dawn (1950). Music throughout the first commercial came from The Scar (aka Hollow Triumph, 1948), and the closing music was from Killer Bait (1949), all three films in the public domain. Music from the second commercial came from the radio show Hour of Mystery, first broadcast June 9th, 1946. Most of the music and sound effects used in the episode are modified or incomplete versions of the originals. Sound Effect Title: Real Colt 45 M1911 (shot) by Carmelomike License: Creative Commons Attribution 3.0 https://freesound.org/people/Carmelomike/sounds/255216/ Sound Effect Title: Gun Fire by GoodSoundForYou License: Creative Commons Attribution 3.0 http://soundbible.com/1998-Gun-Fire.html Sound Effect Title: Manwe-metal_tools_on_concrete.wav by Manwe License: Public Domain https://freesound.org/s/238650/ Sound Effect Title: single classic blink.wav by ShangASDFGuy123 License: Public Domain https://freesound.org/s/795943/ Sound Effect Title: G30-69-Outdoor Crowd Walla.wav License: Public Domain https://freesound.org/people/craigsmith/sounds/438429/ Sound Effect Title: Machine gun.wav by CGEffex License: Creative Commons Attribution 4.0 https://freesound.org/s/101962/ Sound Effect Title: S29-08 Navy ship classic danger whistle siren.wav by craigsmith License: Public Domain https://freesound.org/s/675782/ Sound Effect Title: Bare feet on wood floor.wav by treblemaker69 License: Public Domain https://freesound.org/s/565609/ The image accompanying this episode is a modified panel from the public domain comic book Web of Mystery, July 1954, issue 25. Artist unknown. Image Alt text: Line art from a comic book. One silhouetted figure slugs another in the stomach. The background is all yellow, a row of spectators gathered around the fighters. The caption across the top reads “BRINGING A GUN TO A FISTFIGHT!” One of the spectators says, “Don’t listen to that dame, Joe. I been wit ya from the starta your career. Don’t I make sure they take all the butterscotch disks outta the candy dish in ya dressing room?”

Imagine a mild-mannered white guy who takes on a non-white identity to fight crime. Wouldn’t 1939 radio producers do an amazing job with that? Listen to find out! Passage to the Orient, episode 140 of This Gun in My Hand, was smuggled into your ears by Rob Northrup. This episode and all others are available on Youtube with automatically-generated closed captions of dialog. Visit http://ThisGuninMyHand.blogspot.com for credits, show notes, archives, and to buy my books, such as Sisyphus, Eat Your Heart Out, available in paperback and ebook from Amazon. What martial art is even more deadly than ninyutsu? This Gun in My Hand! Show Notes: 1. “Castello” means castle in Italian, “Lupo” means wolf, and “roccia” means “rock.” In German it would be something like “Wolfenstein.” 2. Raymond Tokutaro Muramoto, the voice actor who originated Kato on the Green Hornet radio show, was a Japanese immigrant. In real life, he was sent to an internment camp during World War II. Here’s a short bio I wrote about him: https://archive.org/details/the-first-kato http://dayjobspodcast.blogspot.com/2022/03/the-first-kato.html 3. Read more about the young political firebrand Nguyễn Ái Quốc after whom Harlan plans to name his radio hero: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ho_Chi_Minh 4. As always, listeners should be skeptical of any claims made by characters in the show, especially if they’re trying to define a term like “code-switching” that hadn’t been coined and wasn’t in use in 1939. The opinions of these clowns do not necessarily reflect my own so I’m off the hook for any lies or mistakes they make. 5. This episode was inspired by Straight Arrow, a radio show broadcast from 1948-1951. An Apache orphan raised by a white couple maintains the identity of “Steve Adams” until it’s time to fight crime as Apache warrior “Straight Arrow.” Elements were ripped off from The Lone Ranger, like the cavern full of gold that funds his crime-fighting. Only his trusted friend “Packy” the crusty miner who sounds like Gabby Hayes knows the truth. Lots of talk about his innate Apache abilities, his keen Indian eyesight, and Straight Arrow drops his voice and speaks haltingly, although not quite in broken English like Tonto. https://www.radioechoes.com/?page=series&genre=OTR-Western&series=Straight%20Arrow Credits: The opening music clip was from The Sun Sets at Dawn (1950), and the closing music was from Killer Bait (1949), both films in the public domain. Most of the music and sound effects used in the episode are modified or incomplete versions of the originals. Sound Effect Title: Matkustajakone / Passenger plane DC-3 (Dakota) - Sisällä / Inside by YleArkisto License: Creative Commons Attribution 4.0 https://freesound.org/s/406952/ Sound Effect Title: FOLEY_Footsteps_Metal_002.wav by conleec License: Public Domain https://freesound.org/s/149454/ Sound Effect Title: Wind shaking a tree, loud and muffled gust of wind recorded in Nebraska by felix.blume License: Public Domain https://freesound.org/s/657003/ Sound Effect Title: Cracking wood by JappeHallunken License: Public Domain https://freesound.org/s/501302/ Sound Effect Title: dry branches cracking.aiff by SoundCollectah License: Public Domain https://freesound.org/s/109357/ Sound Effect Title: Foley_Natural_Wood_Barks_Crush_Mono.wav by Nox_Sound License: Public Domain https://freesound.org/s/558380/ Sound Effect Title: Rustling leaves by giddster License: Public Domain https://freesound.org/s/437356/ Sound Effect Title: Walking Through Tall Grass by naturenotesuk License: Creative Commons Attribution 4.0 https://freesound.org/s/698895/ Sound Effect Title: dawn_birds.wav by paul.h License: Public Domain https://freesound.org/s/557332/ Sound Effect Title: Usignolo - Nightingale by danygdanyg License: Public Domain https://freesound.org/s/234169/ Sound Effect Title: Tuscan Birdsong.wav by gazsound License: Public Domain https://freesound.org/s/156002/ Sound Effect Title:...

Why did Falk follow Petra into this stupid walk-in refrigerator? Why are the shelves filled with human heads in bottles? Are you some kind of non-partisan, crime-adjacent figure? Listen to find out! Bottle Episode, This Gun in My Hand’s 139th, was kept alive and shoved in a jar by Rob Northrup. This episode and all others are available on Youtube with automatically-generated closed captions of dialog. Visit http://ThisGuninMyHand.blogspot.com for credits, show notes, archives, and to buy my books, such as Sisyphus, Eat Your Heart Out, available in paperback and ebook from Amazon. Which is the real monster, the creator? His creation? This Gun in My Hand! Show Notes: 1. Falk’s claim about what temperature constitutes “t-shirt weather” in Michigan is debatable. You’ll see some people not of sound minds wearing short sleeves and shorts at 30 F or less. 2. The Technocrat quotes from the Wikipedia entry on Dubstep without giving attribution. He might be a plagiarist but I’m not. This is me, Rob Northrup, giving attribution that I quoted most of a line from https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Dubstep which “emerged as a UK garage offshoot that blended two-step rhythms and sparse dub production, incorporating elements of broken beat, grime, and drum and bass.” 3. Musical subgenres are way too arcane for me to understand so my characters don’t understand it either. I’m not vouching for any of the claims they make. Credits: The opening and later music clips were from The Sun Sets at Dawn (1950), and the closing music was from Killer Bait (1949), both films in the public domain. Most of the music and sound effects used in the episode are modified or incomplete versions of the originals. Sound Effect Title: Large Refrigerator compressor hum 1 by FOSSarts License: Public Domain https://freesound.org/s/740110/ Sound Effect Title: Hissing.m4a by TheScarlettWitch89 License: Creative Commons Attribution 3.0 https://freesound.org/s/415287/ Sound Effect Title: School door with metal latch inside.aif by timonunderwater License: Public Domain https://freesound.org/s/532788/ Sound Effect Title: School door with metal latch inside.aif by timonunderwater License: Public Domain https://freesound.org/s/532788/ Sound Effect Title: Heavy_door_lock.wav by beerbelly38 License: Creative Commons Attribution 4.0 https://freesound.org/s/197305/ Music Title: You’re Driving Me Crazy Composed by Walter Donaldson, 1930 Performed by Lennington H. Shewell and Allan McIver. License: Public Domain https://archive.org/details/VictorThereminRecordingsCollection1925-1935/You're+Driving+Me+Crazy+1930+VIctor+Theremin+-+Victor+216559.mp3 Sound Effect Title: techloop7.wav by fons License: Public Domain https://freesound.org/s/62441/ Sound Effect Title: TECHNO LOOP 1.wav by adamskitek License: Creative Commons Attribution 4.0 https://freesound.org/s/33585/ Sound Effect Title: TECHNO LOOP SPEEDY J STYLEE.wav by adamskitek License: Creative Commons Attribution 4.0 https://freesound.org/s/33614/ Sound Effect Title: Kick Bass Bassline OffBeat Loop F#1 142bpm PsyTrance Vol3 SYNDRM.wav by SYNDRM License: Creative Commons Attribution 3.0 https://freesound.org/s/612061/ Sound Effect Title: Drum & Bass Drum Loop 02 by TheEndOfACycle License: Public Domain https://freesound.org/s/660537/ Sound Effect Title: Edm Strontium Sweep with reverb.wav by LeeNath License: Public Domain https://freesound.org/s/277409/ Sound Effect Title: bass_line_drums_jz22.mp3 by JoaoSantaCruz License: Public Domain https://freesound.org/s/649209/ Sound Effect Title: footsteps cellar.wav License: Public Domain https://freesound.org/people/gecop/sounds/545030/ The image accompanying this episode is a modified detail of a panel from the public domain comic book Forbidden Worlds, Number 33, September 1954. Pencils and inks by Lloyd Cynwald. Image Alt text: Line art panel from a comic book. A man with red hair wearing green scrubs and holding a scalpel leans over a...

Another day, another public brawl on the streets of Parabellum City. Will Falk quell the unrest and clean up the streets? Are there laws requiring reporters to have alliterative names and film critics to use French terms? Listen to find out! Black Cats and Bad Habits, episode 138 of This Gun in My Hand, was Rob Northrup crossing your path. This episode and all others are available on Youtube with automatically-generated closed captions of dialog. Visit http://ThisGuninMyHand.blogspot.com for credits, show notes, archives, and to buy my books, such as Sisyphus, Eat Your Heart Out, available in paperback and ebook from Amazon. What contains several bits which can form a fragmentary story when used together? This Gun in My Hand! Show Notes: 1. The Black Cat in this episode is NOT a rip-off of the Marvel comics character with the same name. It’s a rip-off of the public domain superhero Black Cat who first appeared in Pocket Comics #1, August 1941, and had her own title from Harvey Comics with various name changes (Black Cat Western Comics, Black Cat Mystery Comics, Black Cat Mystic) until 1963. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Black_Cat_(Harvey_Comics) 2. When Wordplay took his second play “Shoot” on tour, he found it was not as popular outside of Parabellum City. 3. Lana Krang presumably uses a paper or cardstock folder for her Bits file. Mine is digital but the filename is “Bits.” 4. If I was trying to cheer up Miss Krang, I’d remind her of some artistically and monetarily successful novelists who were late bloomers: Umberto Eco wrote a lot of non-fiction before his first novel, The Name of the Rose, was published when he was 50. Alan Bradley was 71 when his excellent first novel, The Sweetness at the Bottom of the Pie, was published. Many such cases. Credits: The opening music clip was from The Sun Sets at Dawn (1950), and the transitional and closing music were from The Big Combo (1955), both films in the public domain. Most of the music and sound effects used in the episode are modified or incomplete versions of the originals. Sound Effect Title: The cat begs for food. Meowing.wav by tosha73 License: Creative Commons Attribution 4.0 https://freesound.org/s/548352/ Sound Effect Title: HARP GLISSANDO DOWN.WAV License: Public Domain https://freesound.org/people/olver/sounds/505064/ Sound Effect Title: Cat Eating Dry Food by qubodup License: Creative Commons Attribution 4.0 https://freesound.org/s/218181/ Sound Effect Title: footsteps cellar.wav License: Public Domain https://freesound.org/people/gecop/sounds/545030/ Sound Effect Title: Kicking/Forcing/Breaking Wooden Door License: Public Domain https://freesound.org/people/qubodup/sounds/160213/ Sound Effect Title: Gun Fire by GoodSoundForYou License: Creative Commons Attribution 3.0 http://soundbible.com/1998-Gun-Fire.html Sound Effect Title: Foley_Phone_Old_PickUp_HangUp_Mono.wav by Nox_Sound License: Public Domain https://freesound.org/s/559475/ Sound Effect Title: Clean phone tones.wav by FreqMan License: Creative Commons Attribution 4.0 https://freesound.org/s/24371/ Sound Effect Title (coin drop): Pay Phone.wav by everythingsounds License: Creative Commons Attribution 4.0 https://freesound.org/s/197141/ Sound Effect Title: phone rotary dial number.flac by kyles License: Public Domain https://freesound.org/s/637751/ The image accompanying this episode is a modified version of a public domain postcard painting by Frances Brundage, via Wikimedia Commons. https://commons.wikimedia.org/wiki/File:Frances_Brundage_schwarze_Katze.jpg Image Alt text: Painting from an old greeting card by Frances Brundage shows a rosy-cheeked little blond girl in a black hat with a red ribbon and bow around it, somewhere between a witch’s hat and a Puritan’s hat. She holds up a distressed black kitten with a huge red bow and ribbon around its neck. The girl wears a white shirt with sleeves to her elbows and a red shawl.

How much is a set of gold dentures worth? How many people have to die before this lovable American scoundrel in Havana and his lovely, smokey-voiced ward decide “will they or won’t they?” Listen to find out! Gold Dentures, episode 137 of This Gun in My Hand, was crafted and gilded by Rob Northrup. This episode and all others are available on Youtube with automatically-generated closed captions of dialog. Visit http://ThisGuninMyHand.blogspot.com for credits, show notes, archives, and to buy my books, such as Sisyphus, Eat Your Heart Out, available in paperback and ebook from Amazon. How do I sound like someone from a foreign land? This Gun in My Hand! (Wait, I don’t mean they fire guns more often. How could anyone have more guns than Americans? Never mind. This Gun in My Hand.) Show Notes: 1. If you haven’t heard the old time radio drama Bold Venture, you should give it a try. It ran from 1951-1952, starring Humphrey Bogart and Lauren Bacall, set in pre-Castro Cuba. https://archive.org/details/OTRR_Bold_Venture_Singles 2. The part of King Moses in Bold Venture was performed by Jester Hairston. One of the first black students to attend Tufts University, Hairston studied music at Julliard, collaborated with Russian composer Dmitri Tiomkin for 30 years, wrote the song “Amen” that became a hit for The Impressions in 1964, and acted in tv and films like The Alamo, To Kill a Mockingbird, In the Heat of the Night, I’m Gonna Git You Sucka and Being John Malkovich. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Jester_Hairston 3. Music for the Bold Venture radio show was composed by David Rose, who later wrote music for films and tv shows like Leave it to Beaver, Bonanza, Little House on the Prairie and Highway to Heaven. If you think of the jazzy trombone song that has become a cliche of burlesque, you’re probably thinking of Rose’s composition “The Stripper,” which hit #1 in 1962. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/David_Rose_(songwriter) Credits: The opening and transitional music clips were from episodes of the public domain radio show Bold Venture. Closing music was from the public domain film Killer Bait (1949). Most of the music and sound effects used in the episode are modified or incomplete versions of the originals. Sound Effect Title: Ocean waves white noisy BAHAMAS 180520.wav by TRP License: Public Domain https://freesound.org/s/573179/ Sound Effect Title: R28-47-Man and Woman Screaming.wav by craigsmith License: Public Domain https://freesound.org/s/482833/ Sound Effect Title: 38 Caliber Gun Shot 5x Recorded by Mike Koenig License: Creative Commons Attribution 3.0 http://soundbible.com/375-38-Caliber-Gun-Shot-5x.html Sound Effect Title: Footsteps in Sand by kessir License: Public Domain https://freesound.org/s/264124/ Sound Effect Title: 22lr Caliber Rifle Shots and Reloading License: Public Domain https://freesound.org/s/717133/ Music Title: rmr morphagene reels - latin_guitar by jjbbllkk License: Public Domain https://freesound.org/s/530725/ Sound Effect Title: 05 - Swing doors by 14GSionJ License: Public Domain https://freesound.org/s/419387/ Sound Effect Title: Footsteps Dress Shoes Wood Floor.wav License: Public Domain https://freesound.org/people/allrealsound/sounds/161756/ Sound Effect Title: custom_TMNT_punch_sounds_part_2_12242024 by Artninja License: Creative Commons Attribution 4.0 https://freesound.org/s/779939/ Sound Effect Title: Coconuts hit together then fall onto a wood floor by JHo3000 License: Public Domain https://freesound.org/s/693517/ The image accompanying this episode is a modified version of a 1940s postcard, artist unknown, presumed to be public domain. Image Alt text: A colorful postcard labeled “Souvenir of Havana, Cuba” with a rectangle in upper right that says “PLACE STAMP HERE” and a few lines to write an address. A photo of the National Capitol Building in Havana colorized to highlight flowers, palm trees and a cloudy blue sky in the background.

Has Petra finally given up her pursuit of Falk and found a new love? Is he man enough for her? Is he a man? Is stress a killer? Listen to find out! The Bitter Tears of Petra Wojciehowicz, episode 136 of This Gun in My Hand, were dispensed from the coin-operated intelligence Rob Northrup. This episode and all others are available on Youtube with automatically-generated closed captions of dialog. Visit http://ThisGuninMyHand.blogspot.com for credits, show notes, archives, and to buy my books, such as Sisyphus, Eat Your Heart Out, available in paperback and ebook from Amazon. Into what mesmerizing object do I gaze to view the future? This Gun in My Hand! Show Notes: 1. Anyone who grew up within broadcast range of Detroit tv in the 1980s will remember Ben Franklin’s unlikely proverb from the ubiquitous Highland Appliance commercials on Presidents’ Day. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Y6waErG4Qwc 2. The commercial for Ghost Detective was inspired by “The Thing in The Tunnel,” an episode of Weird Circle radio show originally broadcast March 4th, 1945. https://archive.org/details/OTRR_Weird_Circle_Singles 3. In November-December 1997, Burger King kid’s meals contained toys promoting the animated feature film Anastasia, including the white bat Bartok who spoke three phrases. One of the phrases was “Stress, it’s a killer.” Due to the cheap mechanism that played recorded phrases, a parent claimed on tv news that this delinquent toy was telling her child, “Hey, have a tequila.” 4. I’m almost positive Falk has used the expression “love is love” in a past episode. But his memory is as bad as mine. Credits: The opening music clip was from The Sun Sets at Dawn (1950), and the closing music was from Killer Bait (1949), both films in the public domain. Most of the music and sound effects used in the episode are modified or incomplete versions of the originals. Sound Effect Title: old pinball.wav by mapleleaf License: Creative Commons Attribution 4.0 https://freesound.org/people/mapleleaf/sounds/34730/ Sound Effect Title: MM Project -10 Pinball by RTB45 License: Creative Commons Attribution 4.0 https://freesound.org/s/368767/ Sound Effect Title: money_box.mp3 by Taira Komori License: Creative Commons Attribution 4.0 https://freesound.org/s/212398/ Sound Effect Title: Ticket machine printing a ticket by Licorne_En_Fer License: Public Domain https://freesound.org/s/772976/ Sound Effect Title: Footsteps on gravel by Joozz License: Creative Commons Attribution 4.0 https://freesound.org/people/Joozz/sounds/531952/ Sound Effect Title: Footsteps Dress Shoes Wood Floor.wav License: Public Domain https://freesound.org/people/allrealsound/sounds/161756/ Sound Effect Title: scifi_scare_b.aiff by realtheremin License: Public Domain https://freesound.org/s/119012/ Sound Effect Title: Squeaky Car Door License: Public Domain https://freesound.org/people/coltures/sounds/262325/# Sound Effect Title: S37-24 Car starts; revs; skids; crashes; skids; footsteps; voices sirens.wav by craigsmith License: Public Domain https://freesound.org/s/675839/ The image accompanying this episode is a modified detail of the public domain cover of The Century, Midsummer Holiday Number 1895, from a lithograph by artist Louis Rhead (1857-1926). Image Alt text: Colorful art nouveau style illustration of a woman in a gauzy yellow dress leaning back against a stone bench. Her right hand holds a huge brown leaf which she’s fanning over her head. Her left arm is draped along the back of the bench. Sunflowers rise behind her. We can also see a large body of water with sailboats in the background, and a small sun-dial beside her. She has brown hair and a wistful expression, maybe pleasant, maybe bored. Letters in the upper right say The Bitter Tears of Petra Wojciehowicz.

Can Falk vanquish one of the grimmest, darkest, most dangerous vigilantes to ever delight audiences in our grimmest, darkest world? How do you have more than one origin story? Listen to find out! Falk Meets Mat Ban, episode 135 of This Gun in My Hand, was grimly darkened by Rob Northrup. This episode and all others are available on Youtube with automatically-generated closed captions of dialog. Visit http://ThisGuninMyHand.blogspot.com for credits, show notes, archives, and to buy my books, such as Little Heist in the Big Woods and Other Revisionist Atrocities. Good lord, I wrote this script so long ago, it was promoting my previous story collection. For the freshest fiction, buy my novella Sisyphus, Eat Your Heart Out, available in paperback and ebook from Amazon. How do I signal when the story is about to get gritty? This Gun in My Hand! Show Notes: 1. Catafalque Earth Moving Equipment is not affiliated with Monback Brothers Trash Hauling. 2. We did not hit this season’s quota with episode 131. But there’s still time. 3. The often-repeated origin story of a certain vigilante detective in long underwear begins with his parents getting killed after they saw The Mark of Zorro. The Crimson Clown mentioned in this episode was another anti-hero from Johnston McCulley, creator of Zorro. No films of The Crimson Clown were released in our universe, to the best of my knowledge. 4. How many spoonerisms did you count in this episode? I count at least three. I’m particularly proud of Mat Ban: The Narc Right Detournes. Credits: The opening music was from The Sun Sets at Dawn (1950), and the closing music was from Killer Bait (1949), both films in the public domain. Most of the music and sound effects used in the episode are modified or incomplete versions of the originals. The music for “Come Listen to Mat Ban” is my poor attempt to sound like Joel Mabus’s arrangement of “Blues in a Bottle,” first recorded and released 1928 by Prince Albert Hunt’s Texas Ramblers although the original author is unknown, “traditional.” https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EfT4cJA1n64&t=29s Sound Effect Title: Rain.WAV by inchadney License: Creative Commons Attribution 4.0 https://freesound.org/s/123703/ Sound Effect Title: Downpipe2.wav by digitfishmusic License: Creative Commons Attribution 4.0 https://freesound.org/people/digifishmusic/sounds/71594/? Sound Effect Title: Footsteps Dress Shoes Wood Floor.wav License: Public Domain https://freesound.org/people/allrealsound/sounds/161756/ Sound Effect Title: helmutscream_short.wav by creativeheroes License: Creative Commons Attribution 4.0 https://freesound.org/s/84353/ Sound Effect Title: Wood_Creak_02.wav by dheming License: Creative Commons Attribution 4.0 https://freesound.org/s/177779/ Sound Effect Title: Real Colt 45 M1911 (shot) by Carmelomike License: Creative Commons Attribution 3.0 https://freesound.org/people/Carmelomike/sounds/255216/ Sound Effect Title: Bouncing Glas Marbles.wav by Cymeon License: Public Domain https://freesound.org/s/245402/ Sound Effect Title: 06-1 Shovel by 16GPanskaKomarkova_Marina License: Public Domain https://freesound.org/s/496725/ Sound Effect Title: Footsteps on gravel by Joozz License: Creative Commons Attribution 4.0 https://freesound.org/people/Joozz/sounds/531952/ Sound Effect Title: Beep 1 sec.wav License: Public Domain https://freesound.org/people/austin1234575/sounds/213795/ Sound Effect Title: 38 Caliber Gun Shot 5x Recorded by Mike Koenig License: Creative Commons Attribution 3.0 http://soundbible.com/375-38-Caliber-Gun-Shot-5x.html Sound Effect Title: Punching with ivy by itsadequate License: Creative Commons Attribution 3.0 https://freesound.org/s/353676/ Sound Effect Title: Punches.wav by CGEffex License: Creative Commons Attribution 3.0 https://freesound.org/s/94679/ Sound Effect Title: G24-01-Warner Brothers Body Fall.wav by craigsmith License: Public Domain https://freesound.org/s/438300/ The image...

Why have the abandoned farm houses outside of town filled up and why are the squatters shooting at each other? Are they even human? What is a “mam-mama” or a “goomah?” What state is Parabellum City in? Listen to find out! This Banjo on My Knee, episode 134 of This Gun in My Hand, was farmed and worked by Rob Northrup. This episode and all others are available on Youtube with automatically-generated closed captions of dialog. Visit http://ThisGuninMyHand.blogspot.com for credits, show notes, archives, and to buy my books, such as Sisyphus, Eat Your Heart Out, available in paperback and ebook from Amazon. What musical instrument accompanies my lyrical exposition? This Gun in My Hand! Show Notes: 1. When I moved from Michigan to Houston for a year, courting my pen-pal Melinda, I heard one of her teen-aged nieces use the term “Mam-mama” for her grandmother. I developed a theory that across the South, they keep adding the sound “mam” for every generation of a matriarch. My theory was wrong. It was just one kid who had trouble pronouncing “grandmama.” 2. “Goomah” is an Americanized pronunciation of the Italian word “comare,” informally used to mean mistress. 3. A great aunt or second cousin in my mother’s father’s family published a book of genealogy and stories about the family, including a poem by somebody way back which included the down-homey line “Now Pa, you’re fabricatin’.” 4. Another mistake I found after recording and editing which I didn’t feel like fixing: the word “this” is a demonstrative pronoun or demonstrative determiner, not a personal pronoun. Credits: The opening music was from The Sun Sets at Dawn (1950), and the closing music was from Killer Bait (1949), both films in the public domain. Interstitial music from the public domain radio show Mystery House, “Dagger in the Dark” broadcast July 5, 1946. Most of the music and sound effects used in the episode are modified or incomplete versions of the originals. Sound Effect Title: Park ambience - mostly birds License: Public Domain https://freesound.org/people/Mafon2/sounds/274175/# Sound Effect Title: Shoe polishing - tripple wipe stroke - 221098_AshtiHari_SD100_Term4.wav by 221098HariPotter License: Creative Commons Attribution 4.0 https://freesound.org/people/221098HariPotter/sounds/655571/? Sound Effect Title: footsteps cellar.wav License: Public Domain https://freesound.org/people/gecop/sounds/545030/ Sound Effect Title: Gun Fire by GoodSoundForYou License: Creative Commons Attribution 3.0 http://soundbible.com/1998-Gun-Fire.html Sound Effect Title: 38 Caliber Gun Shot 5x Recorded by Mike Koenig License: Creative Commons Attribution 3.0 http://soundbible.com/375-38-Caliber-Gun-Shot-5x.html Sound Effect Title: Real Colt 45 M1911 (shot) by Carmelomike License: Creative Commons Attribution 3.0 https://freesound.org/people/Carmelomike/sounds/255216/ Sound Effect Title: 22lr Caliber Rifle Shots and Reloading License: Public Domain https://freesound.org/s/717133/ Sound Effect Title: gavel-double.flac By zerolagtime (Sen. John Kerry recorded from C-Span) License: Creative Commons Attribution 3.0 https://freesound.org/people/zerolagtime/sounds/70069/ Sound Effect Title: typewriter18.ogg by tams_kp License: Public Domain https://freesound.org/s/43558/ Sound Effect Title: G24-01-Warner Brothers Body Fall.wav by craigsmith License: Public Domain https://freesound.org/s/438300/ The image accompanying this episode is a modified detail of the cover of Hillbilly Comics, Volume 1, Number 4, October 1955, by Art Gates, public domain. Full issue available at: https://digitalcomicmuseum.com/preview/index.php?did=12739 Alt Image Text: Comic book art line art of six stereotypical hillbillies in a sleek yellow convertible, speeding away from the silhouette of a man jumping in the distance, a word balloon saying “Stop” pointing to him. A man with black beard, no mustache and ragged hat is smiling as he leans over the steering wheel. A...

Summoned by a young woman, Falk returns to a mysterious estate in Shropshire that simultaneously exists in Parabellum Heights. Will Falk foil the royal kidnapping plot? How does the outcome of this adventure hinge on the undergarments of rodents? Listen to find out! On Her Majesty’s Secret Scamper, episode 133 of This Gun in My Hand, was governed by Rob Northrup. This episode and all others are available on Youtube with automatically-generated closed captions of dialog. Visit http://ThisGuninMyHand.blogspot.com for credits, show notes, archives, and to buy my books, such as Sisyphus, Eat Your Heart Out, available in paperback and ebook from Amazon. What do I dip in the water to propel a longship? This Gun in My Hand! Show Notes: 1. Melinda challenged me: “The ultimate would be [an episode about] Hamster Panties brought to you by Gorgeous Ladies of Wrestling.” 2. Yes, Penelope is named after the character from the animated series Hamtaro, released in the US in 2002. 3. Why does “Card Sense” Jimmy Barnes sound like a bad Ronald Coleman impression in episode 95, but like a bad Christopher Connelly impression in this episode? Because just like that other action hero known for his skill with cards, the character is sometimes British and other times American. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eQJOAiukFkI 4. Falk’s earlier dalliance at Vulverwood Hall and the first appearance of Miss Carlotta Shaywood were in episode 108, “Zildjian’s Away to Shropshire.” If you can’t get enough hamster adventures, listen to episode 78, “Speed Detective.” Or “The Hamster Caper of Curtis Cleever,” a 1979 episode of Sears Radio Theater narrated by Cicely Tyson. https://archive.org/download/sears-radio-theatre_202008/790628%20104%20The%20Hamster%20Caper%20of%20Curtis%20Cleever.mp3 According to Wikipedia, the anthology series had a different theme for each night of the week, and a different host. Tyson hosted “Love and Hate Nights” on Thursdays. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sears_Radio_Theater 5. Shropshire borders Wales so I spent an extra few minutes finding bird call ambience recorded in Wales for the bit while they’re in Shropshire, and North Devon bird calls for the bit talking about Hemsford pansies. Credits: The opening music clip was from The Sun Sets at Dawn (1950), and the closing music was from Killer Bait (1949), both films in the public domain. Most of the music and sound effects used in the episode are modified or incomplete versions of the originals. Sound Effect Title: R23-42-Rowing or Rapids.wav by craigsmith License: Public Domain https://freesound.org/s/480844/ Sound Effect Title: (Simulated) Underwater boat oar sounds by jay_mar License: Public Domain https://freesound.org/s/561314/ Sound Effect Title: CRWDBatl_Crowd Grunting, Exerting, Metered, Rowing_ShaneVincent_GSC24_BIN-AmbeoVR.wav by ShangusBurger License: Public Domain https://freesound.org/s/763939/ Sound Effect Title: R27-37-Metal Clanks and Hits.wav by craigsmith License: Public Domain https://freesound.org/s/486295/ Sound Effect Title: R29-39-Chinese Screams in Battle.wav by craigsmith License: Public Domain https://freesound.org/s/479582/ Sound Effect Title: R28-51-1940s Hollywood Japanese Soldiers Scream.wav by craigsmith License: Public Domain https://freesound.org/s/482804/ Sound Effect Title: R28-44-Women Screaming and Rapid Talking.wav by craigsmith License: Public Domain https://freesound.org/people/craigsmith/sounds/479894/ Sound Effect Title: Car_motor_Sound.m4a License: Public Domain https://freesound.org/people/Blizzard123/sounds/504633/# Sound Effect Title: Squeaky Car Door by coltures License: Public Domain https://freesound.org/s/262325/ Sound Effect Title: Screeching Tyres by iainmccurdy License: Creative Commons Attribution 4.0 https://freesound.org/s/650934/ Sound Effect Title: Margam Park Bird Song (processed) by g.strange42 License: Creative Commons Attribution 4.0 https://freesound.org/s/684191/ Song Title:...

How will Falk solve problems like social disease, substance abuse or stranger danger? What happened to the villain at the end of the episode? Maybe if you listen, you’ll find out. Did you ever think of that? A Very Special Thirty Eight, episode 132 of This Gun in My Hand, was written, voiced and edited especially by the only member of its cast and crew, Rob Northrup. This episode and all others are available on Youtube with automatically-generated closed captions of dialog. Visit http://ThisGuninMyHand.blogspot.com for credits, show notes, archives, and to buy my books, such as Sisyphus, Eat Your Heart Out, available in paperback and ebook from Amazon. What prevents me from suffocating in an unventilated chamber? This Gun in My Hand! Show Notes: 1. “The nonsense rat is endemic to the Nicobar Islands” in India, inhabiting “tropical evergreen and semi-evergreen forests,” according to Wikipedia. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Nonsense_rat 2. I’m not sure if enough people were flying across the USA in 1939 for coastal elites to have developed the insult of “flyover states.” Let’s pretend they had. Credits: The opening music clip was from The Sun Sets at Dawn (1950), and the closing music was from Killer Bait (1949), both films in the public domain. Other interstitial music was taken from the public domain radio show Bold Venture. Most of the music and sound effects used in the episode are modified or incomplete versions of the originals. Sound Effect Title: Park ambience - mostly birds License: Public Domain https://freesound.org/people/Mafon2/sounds/274175/# Sound Effect Title: Real Colt 45 M1911 (shot) by Carmelomike License: Creative Commons Attribution 3.0 https://freesound.org/people/Carmelomike/sounds/255216/ Sound Effect Title: footsteps cellar.wav License: Public Domain https://freesound.org/people/gecop/sounds/545030/ Sound Effect Title: FX_Footsteps_Outside_Pavement01.WAV by PeteBarry License: Creative Commons Attribution 4.0 https://freesound.org/s/647403/ Sound Effect Title: Traffic mel 1.wav by malupeeters License: Creative Commons Attribution 4.0 https://freesound.org/people/malupeeters/sounds/191350/ Sound Effect Title: Old refrigerator door.m4a by ckjzam License: Creative Commons Attribution 4.0 https://freesound.org/s/421626/ The image accompanying this episode is a modified detail of a public domain print advertisement for the International Harvester Defender Refrigerator, found in the 5 October 1946 issue of Australian Women’s Weekly. Artist unknown. https://archive.org/details/1946-advertisement-for-international-harvester-defender-refrigerator Image Alt text: Painting from a 1946 magazine ad shows a woman in a sleeveless red blouse and yellow skirt with flowery decoration near the waist, gesturing with her left hand towards an open refrigerator beside her. Maybe she’s in a showroom because she’s holding a curtain with her right hand. The fridge is packed with milk bottles, jars, soda or wine, a platter of fruit, a bundt cake, a whole chicken on a plate. Across the top of the image it says “THIS GUN IN MY HAND PRESENTS.” An unrolled scroll in the bottom left reads “A Very Special Thirty-Eight.”

Where am I? How could they leave me alone with my thoughts? You know it’s matrilineal, right? Listen to find out! Johnny Got His Gun in My Hand, episode 131 of This Gun in My Hand, was encased and basketed by Rob Northrup. This episode and all others are available on Youtube with automatically-generated closed captions of dialog. Visit http://ThisGuninMyHand.blogspot.com for credits, show notes, archives, and to buy my books, such as Sisyphus, Eat Your Heart Out, available in paperback and ebook from Amazon. How do I disperse powder with deadly results? This Gun in My Hand! Show Notes: 1. The floor cleaning solution we used at Taco Bell in 1995 was labeled “degreaser/desengrasadora.” It was not a brand name but it sounds flowery. Just in case someone in our darkest timeline really uses that brand name, let me remind you that the audio and text of This Gun in My Hand are works of fiction. Any references to historical events, real people, or real places are used fictitiously. Other names, characters, places and events are products of the author's imagination, and any resemblance to actual events or places or persons, living or dead, is entirely coincidental. Credits: The opening music clip was from The Sun Sets at Dawn (1950), and the closing music was from Killer Bait (1949), both films in the public domain. Most of the music and sound effects used in the episode are modified or incomplete versions of the originals. Sound Effect Title: bustle in the pub License: Public Domain https://freesound.org/people/organicmanpl/sounds/403285/ Sound Effect Title: HARP GLISSANDO DOWN.WAV License: Public Domain https://freesound.org/people/olver/sounds/505064/ Sound Effect Title: Gun Fire by GoodSoundForYou License: Creative Commons Attribution 3.0 http://soundbible.com/1998-Gun-Fire.html Sound Effect Title: House Front Door Inside 3.wav License: Public domain https://freesound.org/people/saturdaysoundguy/sounds/388027/# The image accompanying this episode is a modified detail of the cover of Dime Mystery Magazine, Volume 28, Number 2, January 1943, art by Milton Luros. In public domain. Image Alt text: Painted pulp magazine cover. A red-haired woman in yellow blouse pulls back startled from a bony, possibly undead creature in a sarcophagus in front of her, raising a knife toward her. She’s dropping a small box with Egyptian drawings on it. The walls behind her show Egyptian style figures. Along the top it says 10¢, “JAN” and has “A Popular Publication” logo which looks like a skull. The title across the top is “THIS GUN IN MY HAND ZINE.” A small label in lower right shows a blue eagle and “BUY WAR BONDS AND STAMPS FOR VICTORY.” A larger box in lower left shows white letters on red background: “AN IMAGE THAT’S ALMOST COMPLETELY UNRELATED TO THIS EPISODE. EXCEPT THERE IS A SARCOPHAGUS IN IT SO THAT COUNTS.”

Can Falk and his friends stop a careless rocket launch in the heart of Parabellum City that could damage buildings and injure citizens? Which heroes or villains will guest star on this season finale? Does the Moon have air? Listen to find out! Shoot the Moon, episode 130 of This Gun in My Hand, was launched by Rob Northrup. This episode and all others are available on Youtube with automatically-generated closed captions of dialog. Visit http://ThisGuninMyHand.blogspot.com for credits, show notes, archives, and to buy my books, such as Sisyphus, Eat Your Heart Out, available in paperback and ebook from Amazon, which is not owned by the world’s RICHEST Nazi. But he’s kiiiiiinda… With what do I shoot the moon? This Gun in My Hand! Show Notes: 1. There are too many special guests in this episode to list all their previous appearances. If you’re fanatical, you can look them up in the subject index linked below, which lists character appearances, characters mentioned, locations, music, ads and fake radio shows in the previous 129 episodes. https://thisguninmyhand.blogspot.com/2022/02/subject-index.html 2. I usually try to restrain myself from pointing out all the pop culture references in episodes of This Gun in My Hand, because if you don’t recognize the reference in the first place, it’s not going to become funny when it’s pointed out. But just to give a sense of the volume, here are all the allusions or subjects of parody in this episode: Buck Rogers, Mister Rogers’ Neighborhood, Moonraker, Batman, Godfather II, Agatha Christie, Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy, Hill Street Blues, Twin Peaks, Barney Miller, Green Hornet, Buckaroo Banzai, Defenders of the Earth, GI Joe, the Secretary of “Health and Human Services” (sic), and that guy who capitalized on his inherited generational wealth and suckered people into believing he’s a genius (sorry, that doesn’t narrow it down, does it?). Credits: The opening music clip was from The Sun Sets at Dawn (1950). The “Spoilers” commercial music was from The Scar (aka Hollow Triumph, 1948). Closing music was from Killer Bait (1949). All three films are in the public domain. Most of the music and sound effects used in the episode are modified or incomplete versions of the originals. Sound Effect Title: Pop Performed by Rob pulling the stopper out of a 60mL enteral syringe Sound Effect Title: S16-06 Light wooden door open & close.wav License: Public Domain https://freesound.org/people/craigsmith/sounds/675878/ Sound Effect Title: Djembe Hit 13 Hi Rim.wav by carlmartin License: Public Domain https://freesound.org/s/158957/ Sound Effect Title: Punch.wav By ztrees1 License: Creative Commons Attribution 3.0 https://freesound.org/people/ztrees1/sounds/134934/ Sound Effect Title: EARTHQUAKE OR DISTANT SPACE SHUTTLE RUMBLE.WAV by metrostock99 License: Public Domain https://freesound.org/s/203281/ Sound Effect Title: Rumble 1.wav by Zeraora License: Public Domain https://freesound.org/s/524489/ Sound Effect Title: Landmass / Earth Rumble by el-bee License: Creative Commons Attribution 4.0 https://freesound.org/s/363122/ Sound Effect Title: Rockfall (7lrs,grnlzr,Eq) 2.wav by newlocknew License: Creative Commons Attribution 4.0 https://freesound.org/s/497206/ Sound Effect Title: footsteps cellar.wav License: Public Domain https://freesound.org/people/gecop/sounds/545030/ The image accompanying this episode is a modified detail of the novel cover “And Then The Town Took Off,” art by Edmund Emshwiller. Image Alt text: Painting shows close-up of a rocket or jet pilot through the clear canopy of the vehicle, high in the sky. Through the side of his windshield we see a massive hunk of earth with houses and buildings on top of it moving through the air, as if it had been removed with a giant ice cream scoop and hurled into orbit.