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Hope for the Caregiver

Religion & Spirituality Podcas

With Peter Rosenberger

Location:

United States

Description:

With Peter Rosenberger

Language:

English


Episodes

Prayers You Won't Hear In Church

3/16/2024
Host of the popular podcast Nutshell Sermons, recording artist Bryan Duncan (Grammy and Dove award winner) shares his journey as a caregiver for his wife - and his book, "Dear God ...Really? Prayers You Won't Hear in Church.

Duration:00:38:41

Caregivers Often Decide For The Whole Unit Not Just One Person

3/15/2024
As caregivers, we often must make decisions that benefit the whole unit - not Just one person. We get into the trap as caregivers where we're thinking of someone almost to the exclusion of everyone else,. I understand why - because that person has extreme needs. But as a caregiver, YOU are meeting many of those extreme needs. What happens if you don't consider the person meeting the extreme needs? You must think of the whole unit. SHOW TRANSCRIPT: (May Contain Typos) If you feel that you are operating out of guilt or fear or any of those things, what kind of decisions are you going to make? See, that's the whole point of this program. I'm not here to give caregiving tips. We'll have them. I mean, you can't help but have them. We're going to talk about it. We'll swerve into all kinds of things, whether it's, you know, handicap-accessible features or taking up the throw rugs or how to deal with an insurance company, how to deal with doctors. Yeah, we'll cover all that. I got that. Okay. But how many of us make good decisions when we are gripped with fear, guilt, or obligation? And how long do you think you can make decisions if you feel obligated to do this, you feel trapped to do this, you feel like this is what you're supposed to do? How long before that turns into full-blown resentment? How many of you are already there? That you're struggling with this right now and you just feel resentful. And I took a temperature of our Facebook group the other day. In one word, describe how you feel. And you see the dynamics of what people are dealing with. They're afraid, they're worn out, they're mad, they're exhausted, depressed. It's all over the map. How Many Good Decisions Are Made With Those Kinds Of Feelings? And then we have to have an anchor point that helps us make good decisions, regardless of what we're feeling or, sometimes, what we're seeing with our very eyes. What I mean by that is many of us have to look at suffering and we cannot allow that suffering to dictate good decision making. We have to think clearly. We have to detach from that somewhat. They're depending on us to do it. I mean, think about when you're in a situation when you're hurting; how many good decisions do you make when you've sprained your ankle or broken your leg or fallen and got yourself cut or whatever? You're kind of almost in panic mode sometimes when you get to that level of trauma. How many good decisions are you making? Well, that's the same point that our loved ones have to deal with, and they count on us to do it. But if we are so paralyzed is a good word, but it's not just paralyzed. If we're so encumbered by all these other things, whether it be fear, obligation to guilt, resentment, terror, or any of those things, what are you going to do? Somebody has got to step back away from that and have a clear head. And if you don't do it as a caregiver for your loved one, who is in line behind you to do it? So that's our reality. Somebody has got to keep a cool head. Now that's hard to do. And I would suggest to you that you can't do it on your own. You're going to need help to do this. And that's why this program is anchored in what Scripture says. What does God say? Now, I promise you, I've looked. There is no place in Scripture where I have found any type of clear instructions on how to deal as a husband caring for his wife For Somebody with 86 Surgeries, Both Legs Amputated, and Going on for 40 Years. I've looked. It ain't in there. Okay? Not there. But there are a lot of scriptures that talk about fear, feeling...

Duration:00:10:01

Sinatra, Cufflinks, and Caregivers

3/11/2024
Comedian and long-time Sinatra pal Tommy Dreesen tells a wonderful story about Frank Sinatra and a pair of cufflinks. This story has a powerful lesson for all of us, but particularly for those of us serving as caregivers. This and more from our broadcast on March 9, 2024 “None of this belongs to us, and as soon as we die, someone else is going to get it. It's going to transfer. Somebody will be wearing our stuff, driving our car, living in our home, and living on our land.” - Frank Sinatra

Duration:00:38:04

Without Understanding, Help Remains Elusive

3/9/2024
When I launched a caregiver outreach, I established a goal to help provide caregivers with a vocabulary that helped identify their feelings and needs. Without understanding, help remains elusive. In this bonus segment from our broadcast, I provide two unusual examples of how caregivers feel on any given day. I do this to not only give fellow caregivers that understanding, but those who seek to help them, as well.

Duration:00:10:02

Living, Loving, Laughing, Caregiving

3/5/2024
Covering a lot of ground in this episode as I delve into how we choose to view our circumstances as caregivers in light of what Scripture teaches. www.hopeforthecaregiver.com

Duration:00:48:32

Accepting a Painful Reality

3/1/2024
For several years, Pat Montague has produced my broadcast, Hope for the Caregiver. I recently talked with her about her own journey as a caregiver. “I have learned that leaning on the Lord for whatever he has in store is much more comfortable than resisting, fighting, and railing against what I don't like. I would have not chosen amputation for my husband, I'll be honest. He had other options that he could have taken, but I was astounded when he made that decision.I didn't agree with it at the time. Now I certainly do. But leaning into the Lord and saying, Father, whatever you have, I will submit myself to it. Being willing to do that makes a huge difference in how things come out because they're not the same thing. You can rail and fight, and you're not going to change your perspective. You're not going to change your circumstances for any amount of money. And so yielding and just saying, Lord, have your way and help me to accept it have been huge lessons for me. And it has not come easy because, yes, I've always known I had that part of my personality that I was willing to go toe-to-toe when I knew I was right.”

Duration:00:25:30

This Mental Shift Changed Me As A Caregver

2/28/2024
TRANSCRIPT: This is the program for you as a family caregiver. Healthy caregivers make better caregivers. Hopeforthecaregiver.com. You know about that last block, I ought to have a thing where you guys, y'all send us some lyrics for the song. Maybe we'll figure out which one's the best one, and I'll get Gracie to sing it when she starts getting better. What do you think? Because she said, Gracie was very worried. She said, look, I've got to get my voice into shape. I said, well, you've got time, darling. You're just now three months out of surgery, so give yourself a little bit of grace here. And yet, it would be kind of fun to have her sing this song. This is the theme for Peter's show. All right, enough of that frivolity and jocularity. I've been having a conversation ongoing with several different caregivers in the midst of their caregiving and I've challenged them and I'm going to challenge you because I've challenged myself. I do not subscribe to this belief that we as caregivers wait until the circumstances of our loved ones change before we start changing. You all know that. If you've listened to this show for any amount of time, you're going to know that the point is that we change no matter what's going on around us. That we can improve. We can get healthier. And I recognize that we are constrained by Our Journey As Caregivers. I get that. I really get that. Now, let me give you some context. I've been a caregiver since I was 22. I asked Gracie to marry me when I was 22 years old. Bless her heart for her lack of judgment. But here we are, 38 years later. During that entire time, I have been her caregiver. Now, some days have not been quite as dire as others. And then some days have been extremely dire. I mean, when you have the kind of journey we've had. So at some point, and I can't remember exactly when, but I had to make a pivotal decision that this is not going to change. So therefore I must. I kept thinking if we could just get around that corner, if we could just get over that hill, then... I can be settled and content and learn to be productive. This is what's holding me back. And so we've got to get through this. And I would strive towards this. I'm not by any means proud of these things. I mean, I'm horrifically embarrassed by it. But I'm sharing these things with you because I believe that so many of you have those same kind of feelings. If we could just get through this, if he would just stop doing this, if she would just stop doing this, if we could just get mama onto Jesus, if we could just, if, if, if, if, if, then I could be productive, then I could be at peace, then I could be successful, all of those things. Now, if I'm the only one that has had this internal conversation So be it. But I don't think I am. All right? So if you've had this internal conversation, then I'm talking to you. Okay? This is for you. This is just you and me now. Two people who have had these types of thoughts that have weighed heavy on us and it's changed our behavior. It's forced us into a pattern of striving and and unsettledness unrest angst that is at times overpowering okay so just so we're on the same page just you and me all right here's what happened with me once I made that decision that this is my life this is the way it is it's not going to change anytime soon I cannot affect what has happened to Gracie. I didn't cause it. I can't change it. All I can do is care for her in this. And the best way to care for her is to make sure that I am productive, healthy, spiritually, emotionally, physically, financially, professionally, all of the above. You've heard me say it now hundreds of times. Healthy caregivers Make better caregivers. I am no good to Gracie if I am fat, broken, miserable. I am no good to Gracie if I stroke out. I cannot guarantee that things won't happen to me, but I live my life in a way to protect that so that I don't take unnecessary...

Duration:00:13:01

"He's Got This, Answer The Question"

2/24/2024
Recently, at a caregiver support group I lead, a man who is caring for his wife suffering from Alzheimer's, shared how she repeatedly peppers him with the same question. "I sighed for a moment in my heart," he said. "And then I said to myself, 'He's got this; answer her question.'" Listening to him, I thought, "What a tremendous statement of faith; to look at somebody who is suffering from Alzheimer's who asks the same question over and over ... and over. He stopped himself from getting agitated and preached to himself. "He's Got This. Answer her question." That's a worthy goal for all of us to aspire to incorporate in our lives: recognizing that God has this, and we can meet others where they are - not where we wished they could be.

Duration:00:10:01

Caregivers and Contentment

2/18/2024
People become disoriented in the journey of caregiving. Caregivers often think, "Okay, if I could get them to stop acting like this, if I could just get through this next procedure; if we could just see if we could stop this particular thing from happening, then we can have the contentment and the peace and the satisfaction or the stability that we're craving." How's that working for you? How's that working for any of us? It's like we have this stick out in front of us, dangling this carrot of things going how we want them to be, but we can never get to it. And we're constantly striving for that because we see it. And if it would just be this way, we'd be okay. But see, that's the kind of thing promulgated in our society. That is the conventional wisdom of this world. "Get What You Want, Get What You Think You Need, and You Can Be Settled in Your Spirit, and You Can Be Happy, You Can Be Content." That is in direct opposition to what Scripture teaches.

Duration:00:47:48

Caregivers and Contentment

2/15/2024
“Everything I do is to help talk my fellow caregivers off a ledge because people have done this for me. People get so disoriented in the journey of caregiving. Caregivers often think, "Okay, if I could get them to stop acting like this, if I could just get through this next procedure; if we could just see if we could stop this particular thing from happening, then we can have the contentment and the peace and the satisfaction or the stability that we're craving." How's that working for you? How's that working for any of us? It's like we have this stick out in front of us, dangling this carrot of things going how we want them to be, but we can never get to it. And we're constantly striving for that because we see it. And if it would just be this way, we'd be okay. But see, that's the kind of thing promulgated in our society. That is the conventional wisdom of this world. "Get What You Want, Get What You Think You Need, and You Can Be Settled in Your Spirit, and You Can Be Happy, You Can Be Content." That is in direct opposition to what Scripture teaches.

Duration:00:47:48

Loose Him And Let Him Go

2/6/2024
"Life hands us very difficult things. How we deal with those things and how we work through those things is what this program is all about. We do it in the arena of being a caregiver."

Duration:00:48:11

When Caregivers Rob Themselves

2/3/2024
One of the greatest thefts to family caregivers comes from our own hearts. We often steal from the moment to regret the past—or fear the future. Although yesterday’s events may have arrived with tears and trauma, today remains an opportunity to calm our hearts and deal with current circumstances. As caregivers, we all know our tomorrows most likely show up with challenges—but unexpected joys may also arrive. Surprising beauty awaits us along the way, yet we are sure to miss it when our focus extends behind or in front of us. None of this eliminates the grief we carry. However, healthily living in the present allows us to mourn while simultaneously resisting the fear, rage, and despair that often erupt during caregiving. Although our independence, relationships, career paths, and even dreams inevitably suffer in our caregiving journey, peace of mind remains solidly in our hands. No one has the power to rob us of that composure—except ourselves. We know what we are but know not what we may be. —William Shakespeare From: A Minute For Caregivers - When Every Day Feels Like Monday

Duration:00:12:36

Let Scars Speak Instead of Wounds

1/29/2024
Let Your Scars Speak, Not Your Wounds. One of the things that we've developed in our culture is this mentality of putting everything out there that doesn't need to be put out there. You know, you can blame it on Jerry Springer, but it actually goes back a lot further than that. But we have this, I don't know, there's some kind of sick fascination with getting out there and blurting out stuff that really needs to be kept private. and needs to be dealt with. And we as caregivers live with raw wounds. And the easy thing for us to do is just to blah and just get it all out there. Well, that's that needs to happen, but it needs to happen in a very contained, controlled and private place. OK, not, you know, out on social media. We used to have what we call Testimony Chapel when I was in Bible College many, many years ago. It became nicknamed Bragamony or Testifony. You always want to have that one individual who comes up and tries to win the contest of the most horrific story. Prayer Wars. What Prayer Request Was Given. There was always this one lady who would try to trumpet with some kind of just grotesque thing. You know, somebody had a car accident and their leg was broken. Well, she knew somebody, you know, fell off a skyscraper and the girder pierced them through the eye. And, you know, it just went on and on. And I'm not, y'all don't tell anybody what I'm saying. I'm not making fun of her in the sense that certainly I want to pray for people to have it, but it was just like there was always that one-upmanship of just having these things that we'd like to parade out. It's a sick way of getting attention. There are people who have been saved from horrific things in their life, and I know them. And all of us have sinned, and some of us have pretty sensational sins. But it's not how lurid the tale, it's how great the Savior. And so if we're not constantly affirming the redemptive work of Christ, but rather instead we're just dwelling on the sewer, then what are we doing? So when I hear that phrase, let your scar speak, not your wounds, you don't want to give a festering, angry wound a microphone. Okay. It needs to be treated by professionals. It needs to be worked on. You know, Gracie's had a lot of wounds. We've had a lot of wound care, wound care teams and so forth that just don't want to heal. And some of you know with diabetes and so forth, things in that nature don't want to heal. Gracie's had more trauma, she doesn't have diabetes, she has trauma, but it's hard to get things to heal sometimes. And that's when medical professionals zero in on that. They do all kinds of things to clean out the wound to make sure it's not infected or abscessed and all the things that are involved in cleaning a wound. How would you feel at church if somebody came up in front of the church and they pulled up their shirt and showed a festering wound on their abdomen or whatever? Well, it wouldn't be appropriate. And yet that's what a lot of us do emotionally. And we are in a culture that likes to show our festering wounds. They don't need to be paraded, they need to be treated by trained people who can help irrigate, clean, and let this wound scar over. Then once you have the scar, then you can let the scar speak because it's healed. You've dealt with it. You look back and say, you know, I remember when that was painful, but it's healed now and I'm so grateful. And let me tell you the healing process. And I had another friend that used to tell me years ago, Process the pain privately. Share the process publicly. Don't...

Duration:00:09:36

The King Sought Him Out

1/13/2024
In 2nd Samuel, there's a remarkable story about a man named Mephibosheth.

Duration:00:12:48

Educating Ourselves as Caregivers

1/8/2024
Caregivers often find ourselves in the unenviable spot of needing to confront or provide leadership to people with far more skills and training than we possess. One of the ways we can navigate those times is by learning to ask better questions. Another is to educate ourselves. As we face the new year, I talked about those things and more.

Duration:00:47:18

Waffles and Well-Being

12/29/2023
Waffles and Well-Being From extended hospital stays surrounded by faceless people in masks to longer nights where loneliness and fear serve as companions, caregivers remain prone to feeling adrift and disconnected. Longing for recognizable landmarks that signal safe harbor, caregivers face the challenge of “re-anchoring” themselves—often in a storm. But it doesn’t have to be complicated. During my wife’s surgeries in Denver, I stepped into a Waffle House near the hospital. I love Waffle House. I grew up going to Waffle House, but we now live in Montana, and there’s no Waffle House in the whole state! In Denver, where I knew few people, everything required learning and adjusting. But stepping into the local Waffle House, familiar sounds, sights, smells, and tastes flooded over me. For a few minutes, I reconnected and felt at home. Grabbing a take-out order, I took it to the hospital to share “the familiar” with Gracie. While we can’t always change the disorienting circumstances we find ourselves in, we can find new ways to connect to things that settle our hearts. Sometimes, it’s as simple as a waffle—with pecans (and chocolate chips for Gracie!) I have always loved Waffle House. It’s been like an oasis in the desert many times late at night after one of my concerts. —Trace Adkins [AV1]

Duration:00:01:35

Risk Is A Part of Life But Joy Is A Choice

12/28/2023
From: A Minute for Caregivers - When Every Day Feels Like Monday “Happy New Year” can often feel perfunctory and even meaningless in the caregiving world. Most of us know that January 1, 2, 3, etc., usually brings the same challenges as the previous week and year(s). Yet, although our responsibilities may not change, we can. While many fall into the trap of ambitious but unrealistic New Year’s Resolutions (I usually give mine up for Lent), caregivers can instead determine to live rather than just survive. Living, however, requires risks. Life is perilous—despite our culture obstinately working to mitigate all risks (thank the lawyers for that). Isolating to avoid disease, injury, rejection, or failure is no way to live. Nor is avoiding death the same as living. From gardening to music, anything that involves life, art, and creativity comes with the risk of failure, as do relationships, business ventures—and caregiving. This year, I intend to push myself to learn, try, accomplish—and even fail—new things. History teaches that risks and heartache remain unavoidable, but joy is a choice. “It ain’t dying I’m talking about, it’s living. I doubt it matters where you die, but it matters where you live.” —Augustus McCrae, from Lonesome Dove (Larry McMurtry)

Duration:00:01:53

An Instrument of Peace

12/23/2023
From "A Minute for Caregivers- When Every Day Feels Like Monday" An Instrument of Peace Walter Kirchhoff stepped into history on Christmas Eve in 1914 when the opera singer/German officer sang “Silent Night” in both English and German on the battlefields of World War I. On a “beautiful moonlit night, frost on the ground,” Kirchhoff’s voice rose from the trenches—and touched battle-hardened soldiers from Belgium, France, Germany, and England. The moment’s poignancy spurred other soldiers to sing while temporarily laying down arms. Incredulously, the battlefield became festive as soldiers tentatively walked toward one another and extended Christmas greetings. Despite Pope Benedict XV’s earlier plea for a Christmas truce, the fighting continued until soldiers chose to sing rather than shoot. More than likely, Kirchhoff had no idea of the resulting impact of his voice echoing over the scarred landscape; he followed his heart and honored the moment. Sadly, the truce was temporary. Yet, history doesn’t record the first soldier to resume firing; it only remembers the one who first sang of peace, reverence, and the meaning of Christmas. The teachable moment extends today. Families remain filled with conflict over caregiving challenges—many of which may erupt at Christmas gatherings. Yet the precedent stands: in the darkest of times, one voice lifted heavenward can calm a battlefield. If enough follow Kirchhoff’s example, we might not only witness a truce—we may also have peace. Lord, make me an instrument of Thy peace. Where there is hatred, let me sow love. —St. Francis of Assisi Merry Christmas from Peter and Gracie Rosenberger

Duration:00:04:40

Laura Story Shares Her Story As A Caregiver

12/16/2023
Grammy Award Winner, Dove Award Winner, Artist, Songwriter ... and Caregiver, Laura Story joined the program to share her story, thoughts, and how her life as a caregiver. laurastorymusic.com

Duration:00:41:16

The Box Of Things Requiring Redemption

12/9/2023
A demoralizing point for many family caregivers lies in unmet expectations, hopes, and dreams. We often visualize what could be—but things beyond our control are roadblocks. Ashamedly, I admit to attempting control and trying to force things on more than one occasion—only to frustrate myself, my wife, and (many) others. Letting go of those hopes and expectations, however, can be painful. Over the last few years, I’ve tried a different approach. In my mind, I envision a rather large container I call “The Box of Things That God Will Have to Redeem.” Offloading those items, losses, heartaches, and disappointment to God reduces my angst and the potential for resentment. For me, the box is genuine and reflects my faith that God will indeed redeem each of those things—He’s better at carrying them than me. Saying that “God will have to redeem” does not demand the Almighty to act; it simply recognizes that He alone has the power to do so. Of course, the temptation to retrieve items and stew on them often grips me. Yet, I can affirm each time I place them back in the box, I grow less tempted to dwell on them. After decades of trying to carry the impossible, I find I breathe easier and live more peacefully when trusting God with all the broken pieces. Remembering Jesus was a carpenter further bolsters my faith—knowing He doesn’t even waste the sawdust. And God shall wipe away all tears from their eyes; and there shall be no more death, neither sorrow, nor crying, neither shall there be any more pain: for the former things are passed away. —Revelation 21:4 KJV

Duration:00:02:10