The Novel Queers

Listen to us babble our way through our very first memoir - Fred: An Unbecoming Woman by Annie Krabbenschmidt! Out today, June 3rd! Go get yourself a copy! This debut book is half essay, half memoir, and wholey authentic. Annie Krabbenschmidt explores compulsory heterosexuality, womanhood, and perfection with astonishing wit and insight. Fred discusses coming of age in a time where Marriage Equality seemed like a distant fantasy, casual homophobia was extremely casual, and Twilight had everyone convinced stalking was the height of romance. Spoiler: It kinda sucked, but we got through it. Sweetness:Bittersweet Citrus: Lime (but very academic) Gore: A Bone Gets Broken Trigger Warning for… homophobia, sexism, capitalism, transphobia, self harm, eating disorder, diet culture, unhealthy relationship dynamics, poor sexual education, dieting, eating disorder, thigh gap, pandemic, covid-19, extreme loneliness, and sports injury Mentions of… food, alcohol, drugs, rivers, drowning, memoir-typical second-hand embarrassment, Twilight, unsanitary bodily functions, stalking, drugging, eye virginity, 101 Dalmatians, skinning, Jim Jones, cults, kink, bdsm, vibrators, and sex

Hold onto your butts - we're going to Dick Fight Island by Reibun Ike! Eight warriors gather every four years to decide who will lead their people! None of them are wearing pants, and all of them are ready to fight to the climax. But one of the warriors, Hart, has a secret technique and a secret boyfriend not-boyfriend that could turn this competition on its head. Ahem. Also known as the one where your hosts say the word dick about a million times. (Also if you know us IRL, no you don't.) Sweetness: Piña colada (and not getting caught in the rain) Citrus: Grapefruit, see TW Gore: Tiny bit of blood, for ritual purposes Trigger Warning for... significantly more profanity than usual, sex-based combat, butts, dicks, taints, balls, consensual dub con, drugs, knife play, sharp things near sensitive areas, foot fetish, culturally appropriate public nudity, discussion of age of consent, and barely any female characters in sight Mention of... food, alcohol, drugs, gun, time travel incest, thotty colonel sanders, put an eye out jokes, unsuitable fanfic lube jokes, penis bee sting jokes, crossdressing, school girl uniform, blood, and funerals

It's the end of the world as we know it, and we feel fine! And that's because we're going on an apocalypse road trip with our advance copy of Keely Shinners' How to Build a Home at the End of the World. (And all our favorite listeners, of course. Pass the AUX.) Finding her home of Fox Lake has run dry, Mary-Beth Sorensen sets out on a road trip from Chicago to LA to save the girl she loves. Accompanied by her father, Donny, she struggles to find her place in a world that is always, and has always been, ending. How does one build a home at the end of the world? Sweetness: Water (sweet when you need it to be) Citrus: Lemon, but barely Gore: Profound, check TW pls Trigger Warning: dystopia typical awfulness, violence, abuse, anarchy, attempted suicide, suicide by doctor, forced medical procedures, body horror, death, death of parent, death of grandparent, corpse, funeral, burial, chronic illness, forced work camp, slavery, whipping, US politics, guns, robbery, armed robbery, hallucinations, infection, amateur amputation, mental decline of a parent, severe mental illness, severe physical illness, lack of medical care, advanced liver disease, parental separation, cults, politics, and lack of sanitation Mentions of food, alcohol, drugs, vomit, cancer, eating unpleasant things, Jonestown, mouth horror, missing tooth, eye horror, a living morgue, and uncertainty

Guess who's back! We're back! Yay! We realized that manga counts as a novel, and we crammed two of them into this episode to make up for the long absence. Please also look forward to our next episode coming soon based on an advance copy of Keely Shinners' How to Build a Home at the End of the World. Which is amazing and we hope you'll buy up every copy of it. I Married My Best Friend to Shut My Parents Up by Kodama Naoko Morimoto Machi wants her parents to stop trying to marry her off to eligible bachelors, her best friend, Hana, has a plan that involves a domestic partnership and the culmination of years of longing. Sweetness: Mochi, lightly sweet and quite a bit to chew on Citrus: Lime Gore: None TW: alcohol, food, homophobia, parental estrangement, sexism, Japanese specific sexism, almost but not quite predatory lesbian trope, fake marriage, shoujo manga typical confusion and argument, and brief suspicion of infidelity Our Dining Table by Mita Ori Yutaka finds it difficult to eat around people until he meets brothers Minoru and Tane, who is four. They grow into a family as Yutaka teaches Minoru to cook, and Minoru teaches Yutaka how to eat again. Sweetness: Candy, almost too sweet Citrus: Orange Gore: None TW: food, alcohol, death parents and grandparents, past childhood sibling abuse, familial estrangement, eating disorder, unsanitary food, minor illness, fear of death, and coping with bereavement M: food, alcohol, poop, hypothetical questions about eating poop, bombs, and old gay movies from blockbuster about people dying in shootouts

Enjoy part two of our coverage of Cemetery Boys by Aiden Thomas before you turn back into a pumpkin at midnight! Yadriel, Maritza, and Julian are no closer to figuring out this murder mystery plot than when they started, but Día de Muertos is fast approaching. Between school, sorting out feelings, and copious amounts of family drama - will they ever manage to solve this murder? They have to... right? Citrus: Orange Sweetness: Bittersweet Gore: Injury, Blood, Burns, Death Trigger: blood, injury, murder, ritual murder, stabbing, getting jumped, major character deaths, explorations of death, ghosts, homeless teens, misgendering, dead naming, complicated familial interactions relating to trans teen, betrayal, getting kicked out due to trans status, gang violence, burns, burning off tattoos, lack of health insurance leading to infection, cults, deportation, and police Mentions of food, alcohol, animal blood, butchers, veganism, hospitalization, and inappropriate removal of an IV needle

The episode everyone's been waiting (and waiting) for... Cemetery Boys by Aiden Thomas!!! Yadriel is a trans boy determined to prove himself as a brujo to his traditional Latinx family by summoning a ghost. Julian is that ghost, and he isn't about to let himself be un-summoned anytime soon. Maritza, Yadriel's best friend, is here to watch chaos ensue. Then, there's a murder! Citrus: Citrus Sweetness: Bittersweet Gore: Injury, Blood, Burns, Death Trigger: blood, injury, murder, getting jumped, major character deaths, explorations of death, ghosts, homeless teens, misgendering, dead naming, complicated familial interactions relating to trans teen, getting kicked out due to trans status, gang violence, burns, burning off tattoos, lack of health insurance leading to infection, deportation, and police Mentions of food, alcohol, animal blood, butchers, veganism, and undiagnosed adhd

Hey y'all! We've got a few important announcements for you! The Good: We are DONE moving cross country. That means we can get back to producing this podcast soon. The Bad: We are completely and utterly exhausted! Since we can't bring our A game, we're postponing Cemetery Boys and making Sugar Summer a later bonus episode. We plan to get the next episode out sometime before Halloween. We're sorry to keep pushing back the hiatus, but we also want to come back with a bang and give y'all the best content that we can! Which brings me to... The Other: We are changing formats! Again. Again? Again. The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over while expecting a different result - and we're still holding out hope for our sanity - so changes it is. The new format will be as follows: One of us reads the book. The other doesn't. The one who read the book describes the book with the sort of manic glee that only comes from telling someone uninitiated about a favorite book. We will also be capping coverage at two episodes max per book. Why though? It's more fun, it's more podcasty, and we over-estimated our ability to do tons homework as adults with other responsibilities. We want to read more books, tell you about more books, and make y'all feel like a good friend is telling you about a book they read. We want to stray way further away from summaries and way closer to reviews. We also want to bring you books that only one of us can stand to read and offer way more variety, consistency, and enjoyment. TL;DR? Cemetery Boys will come out before Halloween. It will be in the new format too - Bruce will read it and I, Renee, will be going in sight unseen! Thanks for sticking with us through everything and we'll see y'all before the clock strikes midnight on Spooky Season!

Duck!! Ha! Gotcha again! We're continuing to cover Kim Dare's avian shifter series Duck! this episode! Ori's shift... didn't go as planned and now Reynard has fled under the foolish impression that he's doing what's best for them both. Ori does his best to convince Reynard to take him back while the hawk wallows in self pity. Can Reynard extract his head from his cloaca before it's too late? Citrus: Lemon Sweetness: Pepper Jelly (spicy sweet) Gore: Minor Injury with Blood Trigger: blood, injury, hand injury, kink/bdsm, semi-detailed sex, eating semen, edging, punishment for accidental injury, writing lines, unsanitary, past physical abuse disguised as BDSM, consensual and enjoyable whipping, separation, begging, and tattooing Mentions of food, alcohol, denial of food as punishment, fear of death of loved one, significant self worth issues, being sent to your room, birds eating bugs, discussion of lube, and cloaca

Duck!! Ha! Gotcha again! We're continuing to cover Kim Dare's avian shifter series Duck! this episode! Ori and Reynard become so close that the few months they've spent together quickly begin to feel like years. Neither can imagine life without the other, and look forward to settling in even more after Ori finally becomes a full-fledged duck. But what if Ori isn't a duck? Citrus: Lemon Sweetness: Pepper Jelly (spicy sweet) Gore: Minor Injury with Blood Trigger: blood, kink/bdsm, semi-detailed sex, eating semen, edging, accidental injury, punishment for accidental injury, writing lines, unsanitary, past physical abuse disguised as BDSM, consensual and enjoyable whipping, and separation Mentions of food, alcohol, denial of food as punishment, fear of death of loved one, significant self worth issues, being sent to your room, birds eating bugs, discussion of lube, and the swan/goose mafia

Duck! Just kidding, you can get up. We're covering the first four chapters Kim Dare's avian shifter series Duck! this episode! Avian shifter society has a strict hierarchy that must be observed. Ori, a young shifter with no full shift and no rank to speak of, is at the bottom of the pecking order until a dapper hawk, Reynard, takes an interest in him. Will Ori be a good fit in Reynard's home? Citrus: Lemon Sweetness: Pepper Jelly (spicy sweet) Gore: Minor Injury with Blood Trigger Warnings: past sexual abuse, blood, bullying, strict social hierarchy based on species, negligent authority figures, kink, BDSM, foster system failures, employee/employer relationship that may cause a conflict of interest Mentions of food, alcohol, detailed sex discussion, really low self esteem, and kink

Our fourth and final ever part of our first ever requested book, The Lightning-Struck Heart by TJ Book Daddy Klune, is all yours for the listening!!! Thanks again for the rec, jools10! Now that Prince Justin has been rescued, its time to plan the wedding of the century! Sam is heartbroken as Ryan chooses his sworn oath over his sworn love, but resolves to attend the wedding anyway. He'll just have to find a new cornerstone soulmate lover. Easy, right? Citrus: Lemony Lime Sweetness: Tomato Soup Cake Gore: Moderate & Humorous Trigger Warnings: g-slur used in book, words like whore and prostitute, suggested infidelity, poverty/slums, classism, mostly lighthearted slut/prude shaming in book, secondhand embarrassment, crude humor, fantasy magical creature racism, aggressively sexual dragon, pimp jokes, interrupted matrimony, stalking (mostly joking), magical electrocution, liar liar pants literally on fire, and intense shovel talks Mentions of food, alcohol, sex work, underaged sex work, hoarding, heartbreak, and fire-breathing accidentally during climax

Our third ever part of our first ever requested book, The Lightning-Struck Heart by TJ Book Daddy Klune, has arrived! Thanks for the rec, jools10! Sam Haversford continues his merry quest to rescue the prince from dragon kidnapping. One inappropriately catchy bard song, several fire geckos, and a truly unbelievable amount of spiked corn later - he finally meets the dragon at his keep. Unfortunately, rescuing the prince somehow makes everything worse. Citrus: Lemony Lime Sweetness: Tomato Soup Cake Gore: Moderate & Humorous Trigger Warnings: g-slur used in book, words like whore and prostitute, suggested infidelity, poverty/slums, classism, mostly lighthearted slut/prude shaming in book, secondhand embarrassment, fantasy magical creature racism, and an aggressively sexual dragon Mentions of extended food discussion, alcohol, sex work, underaged sex work, parental favoritism/neglect, and extended discussion of dragon dietary needs

Happy Pride, y’all!!! Our second ever part of our first ever requested book, The Lightning-Struck Heart by TJ Book Daddy Klune, is here! Thanks for the rec, jools10! Sam Haversford wakes up to find that a dragon dropped a shed on him and made off with the prince! Things couldn't get worse. Except they could. And they do. Because now they have to save the prince. Will Sam survive the world's longest road trip with his crush-not-crush-frenemy, Ryan? Citrus: Lemony Lime Sweetness: Confusing at Best Gore: Moderate, but humorous Trigger Warnings: g-slur used in book, words like whore and prostitute, poverty/slums, classism, physical violence, bullying, mostly lighthearted slut/prude shaming, secondhand embarrassment, building collapse, molestation (by a tree), nonsexual whipping, magical creature slavery, and magical creature racism Mentions of food, alcohol, suicide, sex work, grooming, being eaten alive by tiny creatures, and more dick physics

Our first ever requested book is The Lightning-Struck Heart by TJ Book Daddy Klune! Thanks for the suggestion, Jools10! We love it so far! Sam Haversford figured out he had magic at around about eleven years old when he accidentally turned a bunch of teenage dirtbags into stone. Since then, he earned the title "Sam of Wilds" when he emerged from the Dark Woods with Gary, the hornless gay unicorn, and Tiggy, a half-giant with a knack for smashing anything and everything that threatens them. Now Sam faces his biggest challenge yet - his crush is dating a douchebag who also just so happens to be a prince and Sam's future boss. Citrus: Lemony Lime Sweetness: Confusing at Best Gore: Moderate, but humorous Trigger Warnings: g-slur used in book, words like whore and prostitute, the word rapey, poverty/slums, unimportant character death played for laughs, classism, physical violence, bullying, mostly lighthearted slut/prude shaming. Mentions of food, alcohol, dragon dick physics

We predict you'll enjoy No Man of Woman Born by Ana Mardoll, an anthology of queer characters finding their way amidst prophecies and fairytales. His Father's Son features Nocien, an otherwise gentle young man totally focused on avenging his slaughtered family. He leaves his newfound family behind to seek his revenge, only to learn of an interesting prophecy straight from the murderer's mouth. Will two years of sword fighting lessons and a bit of luck be enough for Nocien? Citrus: None Sweetness: Sour Gore: Quite a Bit Trigger Warnings: death, character death, death of close family, death of children, stabbing, slicing, impaling, sword-related violence, sexualized violence, blood, suicide mission, fire, poison, and misgendering Mentions of food, BBC Sherlock, dictators, 1940's politics, Guillain Barre, Karen haircut, and morphing into insects

We predict you'll enjoy No Man of Woman Born by Ana Mardoll, an anthology of queer characters finding their way amidst prophecies and fairytales. King's Favor features Caran, a simple hedge witch on an undercover mission in hostile territory. Nee is discovered just as nee is making ner escape and brought before the murderous witch queen of Northnesse. When witchery turns to trickery - will Caran survive? Citrus: Just a hint Sweetness: Dry Gore: Little a blood Trigger Warnings: Border walls, blood, choking, poison, violence, death, population purge, genocide, infanticide, killing one's parents Mentions of food, alcohol, drinking games, nobility typical sexism, pregnancy

We predict you'll enjoy No Man of Woman Born by Ana Mardoll, an anthology of queer characters finding their way amidst prophecies and fairytales. Tangled Nets features Wren, a humble fisher with a big, scaly reason to be upset. Wren's village sacrifices one person to the dragon every winter and that's how xie lost xer sister many years ago. As Wren's mother takes ill, xie has to make a grim choice. But an unexpected visit from the village witch may change Wren's fate. Citrus: None Sweetness: Salt Gore: Blood! Blood everywhere! Trigger Warnings: Blood, violence, stabbing, in-depth discussion of being eaten alive, poverty, starvation, illness, chronic illness, past character deaths, grief, predatory financial systems, falling to death, and life or death situations. Mentions of food, alcohol, drinking games, eugenics, and slavery

Time to wrap up strutting your stuff with Flaunt, the first book in E. Davies' F-Word Series! Kyle and Nic passed 'no strings attached' about a mile ago and show no signs of stopping as the ambiguous threat of arson hangs over them. Before they can start planning the wedding, the hate crime subplot comes to a head. Will the truth push them closer together or further apart? Will Nic throw a punch? Will Renee ever get real answers about why a fire was started at all!? Citrus: Lemon Sweetness: Sugar Cookie Gore: NONE Trigger Warnings: Trump presidency, open homophobia, transphobia, discussions of surgery and genitalia, HIV, unsupportive family, kicked out, homelessness, financial abuse, fire, fire-related trauma, hate crime, physical assault, and life or death situation, Mentions of food, alcohol, Pulse nightclub shooting, clowns, clown violence, nazis, fascism, post-surgery care, and IVF

Get ready to strut your stuff with Flaunt, the first book in E. Davies' F-Word Series! It turns out that Kyle was not, in fact, ready to commit, but things change fast when a fire breaks out at the PLUS office and he needs a place to stay! Nic is more than happy to help, no strings attached. But can Kyle really avoid getting attached this time? Citrus: Lemon Sweetness: Sugar Cookie Gore: NONE Trigger Warnings: PDA, random siren noises in background, open homophobia, transphobia, discussions of surgery and genitalia, HIV, unsupportive family, kicked out, homelessness, financial abuse, fire, fire-related trauma, hate crime, physical assault, life or death situation Mentions of food, alcohol, financial D/s, mouth noises, and unusually crude humor

Get ready to strut your stuff with Flaunt, the first book in E. Davies' F-Word Series! Nic is a trans man whose just moved to LA from Idaho and is having a difficult time fitting in and finding his people. Kyle is a flashy eccentric gay man with a heart of gold and a found family all his own, complete with job and kid. When they meet, sparks fly, but are they ready to commit? Citrus: Lemon Sweetness: Sugar Cookie Gore: NONE Trigger Warnings: open homophobia, transphobia, discussions of surgery and genitalia, HIV, adoption discrimination, mentions of infidelity