The Potential State Podcast

Living in a hard times takes a toll on our relationships. We have changed and so has our partner. One of our biggest resources is our connections. Strengthening our relationships is vital for personal and collective resilience and well-being. How do we stay open and present to our partner, when our bodies and minds are closed in order to protect ourselves? OWNURSH!T together with Get Help Israel are happy to host the Relational Aid series. Real talks that offer couples practical tools to help them push past surviving into thriving through trying times. Join us as we talk to Dr. Shari Geller, clinical psychologist, Mindful Self-Compassion (MSC) teacher, and author of A Practical Guide For Cultivating Therapeutic Presence. We will explore how can couples cultivate Presence and Self-Compassion in hard times? For more on Dr. Assael and Galit Romanelli: https://www.potentialstate.com https://www.psychologytoday.com/intl/blog/the-other-side-relationships https://open.spotify.com/show/2Z6xnOpBznX7Y9Tf5VMx2z https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCXwdZhwQFgUcRQgZoI_L2Uw Dr. Shari Geller is an author, clinical psychologist, and certified Mindful Self-Compassion (MSC) teacher. Shari co-authored the books, Therapeutic Presence: A Mindful Approach to Effective Therapeutic Relationships and A Practical Guide For Cultivating Therapeutic Presence. She offers training modules in therapeutic presence internationally as part of her vision of having presence be a foundational training across psychotherapy approaches. https://www.sharigeller.ca/ https://www.sharigeller.ca/publications/ https://www.sharigeller.ca/shari-geller-events/

We’re deep in wartime. We’re surrounded by war, trauma, power, dichotomies of good and bad and power. All this impacts our relationships and hurts our ability to be vulnerable. Join us as we talk with Alan Marriott, professional improvisor, voice actor, teacher and author of Genius Now! He is one of my all-time favorite improv teachers and he is BRILLIANT. His book is phenomenal and I reached out to him so we can play together and learn from his genius how we can use improv and specifically status play (which is the improv concept of power dynamics) to help couples soften hierarchy and co-create synergistic moments and intimacy For more on Dr. Assael and Galit Romanelli: https://www.potentialstate.com https://www.psychologytoday.com/intl/blog/the-other-side-relationships https://open.spotify.com/show/2Z6xnOpBznX7Y9Tf5VMx2z https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCXwdZhwQFgUcRQgZoI_L2Uw Alan Marriott has a career spanning improvisation, music, acting for stage, film and television, coaching, voiceover acting, creativity training, and global language and dialect exploration. Alan is a popular motivational speaker and creativity consultant for brands and corporates. He regularly performs in London and throughout Europe with the Grand Theft Impro Team and Slattery Night Fever (with Tony Slattery).His debut book on creative thinking and improvisation sums his message up well...‘Genius Now!’ www.alan-marriott.com

Living in a war zone for over three months has taken a toll on our relationships.We have changed and so has our partner. One of the first things to go is our playfulness, joy and spontaneity. Without them, we slide into survival mode and our relationships suffer. OWNURSH!T together with Get Help Israel are happy to host the Relational Aid series. Real, honest talks that offer couples practical tools to help them push past surviving into thriving through these trying times. In this talk, we hosted Dr. Daniel Wiener, MFT, Drama Therapist and founder of Rehearsals For Growth (RFG). We explored how can couples playfully connect to alleviate stress? For more on Dr. Assael and Galit Romanelli: https://www.potentialstate.com https://www.psychologytoday.com/intl/blog/the-other-side-relationships https://open.spotify.com/show/2Z6xnOpBznX7Y9Tf5VMx2z https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCXwdZhwQFgUcRQgZoI_L2Uw Get Help Israel is the primary resource in English for the public in Israel and for professionals in the mental health field: https://gethelpisrael.com/ Daniel J. Wiener, Ph.D, MFT, Drama therapist, and Group Psychotherapist. He is the founder of Rehearsals for Growth (RfG) and author of two books (Rehearsals for Growth: Theater Improvisation for Psychotherapists and The Rehearsals for Growth Practitioner Manual). www.rehearsalsforgrowth.com

OWNURSH!T together with Get Help Israel are happy to host the Relational Aid series. Real, honest talks that offer couples practical tools to help them push past surviving into thriving through these trying times. Join us as we talk to Mary Jo Barrett, MSW, Collaborative Change Consultant and author of Treating Complex Trauma: A Relational Blueprint for Collaboration and Change. We will explore how partners can get out of our survival mindstate and re-connect? For more on Dr. Assael and Galit Romanelli: https://www.potentialstate.com https://www.psychologytoday.com/intl/blog/the-other-side-relationships https://open.spotify.com/show/2Z6xnOpBznX7Y9Tf5VMx2z https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCXwdZhwQFgUcRQgZoI_L2Uw Get Help Israel is the primary resource in English for the public in Israel and for professionals in the mental health field: https://gethelpisrael.com/ Mary Jo Barrett is the Executive Director and co-founder of The Center for Contextual Change, Ltd. She is currently on the faculties of University of Chicago, School of Social Service Administration, The Chicago Center For Family Health, and the Family Institute of Northwestern University. Ms. Barrett has coauthored two books with Dr. Terry Trepper. Incest: A Multiple Systems Perspective and The Systemic Treatment of Incest: A Therapeutic Handbook. She also authored with Linda Stone Fish the seminal book Treating Complex Trauma. She co-created the Collaborative Stage Model (CSM), a highly successful contextual model of therapy used to transform the lives of those impacted by abuse and/or traumatic events. Ms. Barrett provides consultations, workshops, courses and other training opportunities nationally and internationally. www.centerforcontextualchange.org maryjo.ccc@gmail.com

*** We highly recommend you download and review The Wheel of Consent diagram as you listen to this episode. You can download it here for free: https://www.schoolofconsent.org/downloads OWNURSH!T together with Get Help Israel are happy to launch the Relational Aid series, a number of real and raw talks that seek to offer couples practical tools that will help them push past surviving into thriving through these trying times. Join us as we talk to Dr. Betty Martin, Chiropractor, intimacy coach and best selling author of The Wheel of Consent. We will explore how partners can update and renegotiate intimate boundaries in times of trauma. For more on Dr. Assael and Galit Romanelli: https://www.potentialstate.com https://www.psychologytoday.com/intl/blog/the-other-side-relationships https://open.spotify.com/show/2Z6xnOpBznX7Y9Tf5VMx2z https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCXwdZhwQFgUcRQgZoI_L2Uw Dr. Betty Martin started as a Chiropractor and upon retiring from that practice, as a certified Surrogate Partner, Sacred Intimate, and Somatic Sex Educator. Her explorations in somatic-based therapy and practices informed her creation of the framework, The Wheel of Consent®. As part of her work with the School of Consent, Betty travels around the world teaching practitioners how to create empowered agreements in their client sessions. https://bettymartin.org/ https://wheelofconsentbook.com/ To download the Wheel of Consent which Betty talk describes go here: https://www.schoolofconsent.org/downloads

OWNURSH!T together with Get Help Israel are happy to launch the Relational Aid series, a number of real and raw talks that seek to offer couples practical tools that will help them push past surviving into thriving through these trying times. Join us as we talk to Kevin A. Thompson who is a best selling author, pastor and counselor. We will explore how couples can become better partners, lovers and friends in times of crisis. For more on Dr. Assael and Galit Romanelli: https://www.potentialstate.com https://www.psychologytoday.com/intl/blog/the-other-side-relationships https://open.spotify.com/show/2Z6xnOpBznX7Y9Tf5VMx2z https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCXwdZhwQFgUcRQgZoI_L2Uw KEVIN A. THOMPSON is married life pastor at Bayside Church in California. Every year he meets with nearly one hundred couples with a range of needs, from premarital counseling to navigating the most serious betrayals. A marriage and parenting conference speaker, he lives with his wife, Jenny, and their two children in Arkansas. He also the author of 4 books: You Turn: For When the Nearest Exit is Behind You, Friends, Partners, and Lovers, Happily, Fearless Families www.kevinathompson.com www.changetheodds.com https://amzn.to/3NsyzNX https://amzn.to/46Vlofr

Join us for an honest talk with Mark O’Connell, author and therapist about how couples can hold and maintain personal and relational multiplicity in times of crisis? How do we stay connected to our full self and remain close in times of war? Dr. Assael and Galit Romanelli run The Potential State and offer individual and relationship coaching with Galit, individual therapy for men with Assael, and couple therapy sessions with Assael or both of us. Yes, we’ve been working together in the clinic for over 3 years and we’ve found it to be really powerful and effective. Additionally we offer online workshops and trainings for couples, teams and organizations Mark O’Connell, LCSW-R, MFA, is a psychotherapist and clinical supervisor in New York City. He’s the author of the books The Performing Art of Therapy: Acting Insights and Techniques for Clinicians and Modern Brides & Modern Grooms. His articles on the performing art of living have been published in various clinical journals and popular sources, and he teaches workshops for therapists on using our most essential instrument: our selves. For more information visit www.markoconnelltherapist.com and www.theperformingartoftherapy.com

Change is not easy. Many individuals and couples are lacking a blueprint for long-term systemic change. In this talk, we integrate Joseph Campbell's Hero Journey monomyth with systemic change concepts and our Potential State ideas and present our integrated systemic hero's journey model. Practical tips will help you recognize which stage you are in the journey and how to advance toward your goals. Good luck! Click here to join our mailing list and get free resources on enriching relationships every month to your inbox. https://www.psychologytoday.com/intl/blog/the-other-side-relationships http://podcast.potentialstate.com/ https://www.youtube.com/c/ThePotentialState https://www.facebook.com/ThePotentialState https://twitter.com/assael Support the show

Hey Man (or woman), Are you alive or are you somewhat turned off, numb, or somewhat apathetic? If so, you're not alone. You might be suffering from the under-diagnosed phenomenon of the covert male depression, as first described by Terrance Real. In this talk, taken from a webinar for therapists, I share my story of covert depression and detail how this covert depression begins through psychological patriarchy, how it evolves and manifests through a limited relational and emotional repertoire, and its long-term (negative) effects on their intimate relationships. Practical tips are given on how to engage and soften this depression. Click here to join our mailing list and get free resources on enriching relationships every month to your inbox. https://www.psychologytoday.com/intl/blog/the-other-side-relationships http://podcast.potentialstate.com/ https://www.youtube.com/c/ThePotentialState https://www.facebook.com/ThePotentialState https://twitter.com/assael Support the show

Are you living your full self? Are you manifesting all your different passions and talents? Some of us have multiple passions, and don't want to commit to only one profession. That is called being a Multipotentialite (coined by Emilie Wapnick), or slashers. How can you live a multipotentialite life? This is an honest talk with friend Tal Shibi who is a slasher: dance/choreographer/photographer/director/actor/shiatsu practitioner. In this talk we explore how multipotentialites are born, bred, and raised through my personal story of how I got to teach at a dance school without learning dance, and to be an artistic director of a professional playback theater company without going to acting school. We explore the relationship and the (shallow) division between the worlds of art, therapy, and education. Along the way, we laugh and challenge each other to grow. We also talk about what is art and how we can reclaim the title of "an artist" in our life. Click here to join our mailing list and get free resources on enriching relationships every month to your inbox. https://www.psychologytoday.com/intl/blog/the-other-side-relationships http://podcast.potentialstate.com/ https://www.youtube.com/c/ThePotentialState https://www.facebook.com/ThePotentialState https://twitter.com/assael Support the show

Many of us learn at a young age (especially boys) that vulnerability=weakness. We therefore try to hide it and don't show it to our partners. This results in shallow, self-presentational relationships with little vitality, excitement, play or curiosity. Moreover, when you're not vulnerable, then you're less interesting to your partner and over time you become more numb to your own inner workings. The solution? practice the ability of vulnerability. The more you'll show, the more free you'll feel. But how can I be more vulnerable (especially if I'm not used to it)? In this talk, we unpack the issue of vulnerability in intimate relationships, using examples from our marriage and the clinic. Practical tips will help you dare to be more vulnerable in a safe and gradual way. Click here to join our mailing list and get free resources on enriching relationships every month to your inbox. Check out more of our content: Blog on Psychology Today YouTube channel Facebook page Podcast show link Twitter Support the show

Fighting is inevitable in every intimate relationship. Most of us don't like, don't know how, or don't even know when we are fighting. Yet arguments and conflicts are a crucial element in building an intimate, differentiated relationship. Too bad there isn't a blueprint for a "positive" fight and make up... Well, actually, there is! In this talk, we share a recommended three-stage model for the positive fight and make up, which will help turn your disputes into relational diamonds. Inspired by the wonderful book After the Fight by Dan Wile, we use our last vicious fight and make up to show how this process is manifested. Practical tips will help you leverage your next fight to deeper intimacy. Click here to join our mailing list and get free resources on enriching relationships every month to your inbox. Check out more of our content: Blog on Psychology Today YouTube channel Facebook page Podcast show link Twitter Support the show

Many of us find ourselves in charge or a certain dimension of our relationship alone, be it cleaning, financial planning, parenting, and more. This sole responsibility is often a source of tension and frustration in the dyad. This universal pattern is called the seesaw principle (as coined my Michelle Weiner Davis), where the more one person does, the less the other partner does. In this talk we unpack the seesaw principle in intimate relationships through examples from our marriage and the clinic and offer practical advice to help you both find a more collaborative, interdependent partnership. Click here to join our mailing list and get free resources on enriching relationships every month to your inbox. Check out more of our content: Blog on Psychology Today YouTube channel Facebook page Podcast show link Twitter Support the show

Bitterness. Usually it is a passing feeling, but sometimes we encounter a partner who is constantly bitter, and their partner who is trying to cheer them up (or avoid them). It is so common that it has become almost a stereotype. Women express bitterness through criticism, pessimism, grogginess, and overall negativity. Men express this feeling through cynicism, apathy, aggression, or passive aggressive behavior. In this talk, we unpack bitterness and explain why it is so common in intimate relationships, especially in women, through examples from the clinic and our marriage. Practical tips will help you become less bitter and more playful. Click here to join our mailing list and get free resources on enriching relationships every month to your inbox. Check out more of our content: Blog on Psychology Today YouTube channel Facebook page Podcast show link Twitter Support the show

Do you have a sense your partner is sticking it to you but they keep denying it? Do you or your partner deny certain bad behaviors to each other? We all sometimes semi-consciously act in small negative ways to our partners - David Schnarch calls this phenomenon "Normal Marital Sadism". After all, the opposite of love is apathy (not hatred). So we all do it. But when one partner continuously denies aggressive, belittling, or mean relational behavior, in a way that makes their partner doubt themselves and their perception - that is called Gaslighting. Gaslighting is real and happens in all relationships in one form or another. In this talk, we unpack the phenomenon of Gaslighting and it's tax on relationships, through examples from the clinic and our marriage. Practical tips will help you stop (or at least minimize) Gaslighting in your relationship today. Click here to join our mailing list and get free resources on enriching relationships every month to your inbox. https://www.psychologytoday.com/intl/blog/the-other-side-relationships http://podcast.potentialstate.com/ https://www.youtube.com/c/ThePotentialState https://www.facebook.com/ThePotentialState https://twitter.com/assael Support the show

Are you (or your partner) super driven to be efficient? Is it hard for you to lower your productivity and just be? If so, you're not alone. Efficiency is actually a wonderful trait but can also function as a defense mechanism. That is why we call it E-FISH-NET, a big (electronic) net that catches all of you and takes you hostage. What is the solution? To be more present, to do less things in more time, to be DIS(C)organized. But how? In this talk, we unpack the need to be efficient and its relational tolls through examples from our life and the clinic. Practical tips will help you soften the need to be E-FISH-NET, and enjoy the moment more. Click here to join our mailing list and get free resources on enriching relationships every month to your inbox. https://www.psychologytoday.com/intl/blog/the-other-side-relationships http://podcast.potentialstate.com/ https://www.youtube.com/c/ThePotentialState https://www.facebook.com/ThePotentialState https://twitter.com/assael Support the show

The 'lost' years of a couple's life occur after about 7-10 years: kids, mortgage, school, aging parents, careers, bills, chores, marriage is stable, annoying in-laws, holidays, boredom, fatigue, routine... For most couples these years tend to feel 'comfortably numb' and are sometimes disrupted with a rude awakening in the form of an affair, medical or family drama. These naturally latent years sometimes lead couples to think that they lost their spark and occasionally choose to divorce due to unfamiliarity with the unavoidable dynamics of this stage in life. Yet these somewhat lethargic years need not be lost! In this talk with Dr. Micha Belzer, a couple and family therapist, we discuss the uncomfortable truths about this life cycle stage and what steps can be taken in order to keep the couple hungry, playful, foolish, growing and engaged. Examples are given from my work with couples in that cohort. Practical tips are shared to help prevent these years from becoming dormant. Click here to join our mailing list and get free resources on enriching relationships every month to your inbox. https://www.psychologytoday.com/intl/blog/the-other-side-relationships http://podcast.potentialstate.com/ https://www.youtube.com/c/ThePotentialState https://www.facebook.com/ThePotentialState https://twitter.com/assael Support the show

"I know all there is to know about the crying game..." Boy George Crying is a natural and organic way to express and release emotions. Yet crying in relationship is not always easy: Some of us cry very often (over-crying) and some of us find it hard to cry at all (blocked cryers). Both of these extremes have advantages and disadvantages, and both don't facilitate a healthy expression of feeling in relationships. In this talk, we unpack why and how partners avoid or over-emphasize crying in their intimate relationship through examples from our marriage and the clinic. Practical tips will help you learn the art of relational crying today. Click here to join our mailing list and get free resources on enriching relationships every month to your inbox. https://www.psychologytoday.com/intl/blog/the-other-side-relationships http://podcast.potentialstate.com/ https://www.youtube.com/c/ThePotentialState https://www.facebook.com/ThePotentialState https://twitter.com/assael Support the show

"If I can't see your selfishness, I can't believe your generosity." Betty Martin Many of us have a problem expressing our desires and wants in our intimate relationships. Why? For men, this can stem from psychological patriarchy that deems wanting, vulnerability or need as something negative. For others, not wanting protects us from rejection or ridicule. But if we don't express our wants, then we become bitter, and lonely. Over time, our partner will begin to assume we don't want anything, and that we're always content- which makes us less interesting. The result? Our needs are not seen or met. The solution? Daring to voice our desires! In this talk we share the different reasons why partners avoid sharing, and the costs of such elusion, through examples from our life and the clinic. Practical tips will help you bravely articulate your desires in your relationship. Click here to join our mailing list and get free resources on enriching relationships every month to your inbox. https://www.psychologytoday.com/intl/blog/the-other-side-relationships http://podcast.potentialstate.com/ https://www.youtube.com/c/ThePotentialState https://www.facebook.com/ThePotentialState https://twitter.com/assael Support the show

Are you a drama queen (or king)? Are you in a relationship with a drama queen? (Truth is that men are the real drama queens.) If so, you probably know how draining and annoying it is interacting with such 'royalty'. But the systemic truth is: You are encouraging them. Yes, there is no drama queen/king without an audience. Underneath such drama, there is usually a cry for attention or a 'love tank' that is empty. Are you looking beyond the queenship drama to see what is the deeper bid? In this talk, we explore this dynamic through examples in our marriage and the clinic. Practical tips will help you soften such dynamic and help both of you feel more seen and valued. For registration and more details on our upcoming webinar exploring the relational power dynamic in relationships - click here! Click here to join our mailing list and get free resources on enriching relationships every week to your inbox. Click here for more information on our upcoming online couples workshop. https://www.psychologytoday.com/intl/blog/the-other-side-relationships http://podcast.potentialstate.com/ https://www.youtube.com/c/ThePotentialState https://www.facebook.com/ThePotentialState https://twitter.com/assael Support the show