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What Men Would Tell You...

Dr. Allen Berger is back to help Dan introduce an exciting new monthly project for The Man Rules podcast! Dan and Allen are working on a book called What Men Would Tell You… If They Weren’t Too Busy Watching TV. It’s geared toward women who find the behavior of their male partners and/or spouses to be...puzzling, to say the least. Actually, it's for all women in a relationship looking to better connect with the man in her life. The book doesn’t ask women to adjust their own personalities or...


All the Rage: How Men Can Transform Anger

There’s a lot of talk about anger and rage in the media these days. According to many, we live in an “outrage culture” and male anger is the cause of much domestic assault and gun violence. We’re also often reminded that social media has destroyed civility and turned us all into narrow-minded, passive-aggressive--and sometimes just plain aggressive— bullies. What if we told you that one of the biggest problems with our society's obsession with anger is its fundamental misunderstanding of...


Why Aren’t I Happy? Men and Depression

Men are four times more likely to die by suicide than women, and their depression is more likely to manifest as anger and violence. As this week’s guest, Terry Real, puts it men either feel that they are failing the agenda or that the agenda is failing them. Men today are awash in intense conflicting messages about what it means to be a man. And, they are finding that the things that they once took for granted as the rewards for following The Man Rules--the right job, financial security,...


It’s the One-Year Anniversary of The Man Rules Podcast!

In this episode, Dan reflects on some of those conversations, and talks about what he’s learned from the show—how it’s helped him recognize some not-so-healthy patterns in his own life and uncover some blind spots that he had around gender equality, even as a person who has spent years learning and speaking about it. He also looks ahead to the next year and talks about changes and improvements we’re making to the show.


Breaking the Ruhls (and The Rules)

The Man Rules do not prepare men to navigate the rocky emotional terrain of their day-to-day lives. So, what happens when childhood sexual abuse and emotional abuse make that terrain much, much rockier than average? In most cases, it leads to men suffering in silence from profound depression, crippling anxiety, rage, addiction, and behaviors that are destructive to themselves and others. Larry Ruhl, our guest this week, was on such a path until his caring partner encouraged him to get help....


Turn Your Fears into Actions

Jess Pettitt is, among other things, a diversity educator. Did you just roll your eyes at that? Did you shudder at the memory of a terrible corporate diversity training you we forced to attend in the past? Did you recall a particularly hilarious episode of The Office where they brilliantly spoofed diversity trainings? Did you feel annoyed at the idea of giving the PC Police yet another platform and frustrated by the fact that you can’t say anything to anyone anymore without offending...


Empathy is the Enemy of Violence

Stories of violence continue to appear daily on our screens and we continue to wonder why. Is it the guns? Is it mental health? Is it video games? Is it Trump? Is it men? (All but two of the mass shootings in the history of this country have been perpetrated by men or even adolescent boys.) Maybe, says our guest Randy Flood. Though male socialization isn’t the only cause of male-perpetrated violence, it’s impossible to deny that it plays a role. Most men learn early on to disconnect from...


How to Reconnect After a Fight

Any relationship worth its salt—whether it’s with a partner, spouse, co-worker, friend, or child—is well-seasoned with conflict. “We never fight” is really just code for “We are never honest with one another.” So, don’t measure your success in a relationship based on how often you fight, measure it based on how calmly and respectfully you manage to behave during a fight, and how authentically you are able to reconnect with the other person afterwards. Reconnecting after a major disagreement...


Muddy Waters

A major shift is happening in how we view gender, sexuality and violence. Many people, like our guest Mary Woods, see echoes of the 60s civil rights movements in this modern era of protest and consciousness raising. But, many men feel confused about their place in these movements. In the stories we hear day after day, men are the perpetrators of the sexual violence, racial violence, and gun violence. Much of the conversation focuses on how to change men--and no doubt, change is needed....


Truth and Consequences

The truth—as both Dan and his guest Dr. Michael Levittan see it—is that the ways we raise boys and girls to relate to one another is dysfunctional at best, personally damaging and emotionally debilitating at worst. The consequences of this reality range from domestic violence and sexual assault to a life full of disconnection and dissatisfaction in relationships. So how do imperfect people and imperfect parents such as ourselves, with our own struggles and hang-ups when it comes to power...


Can You Change the Past

What kind of man do you want to be? And, what’s keeping you from being that man? That is the mantra of our podcast. Chances are, one of the things getting in that way is unresolved pain from the past. “Ah, horse shit!” you say. “I can’t stand those people who blame their parents and their teachers and their schoolyard bullies for everything. Just get over it already!” So, here’s the bad news: the impact of childhood, relational trauma—the type of trauma that falls more in line with...


When Your Dream Is Not Your Dream

As men, we often define ourselves by degrees of career success. It’s not enough to produce good work--you have to produce the best work. It’s not enough to provide a modest, but comfortable living for yourself and/or your family--you have to provide enough for the bigger houses, the best neighborhoods, the best schools. It’s not enough to have published a couple of books that you’re proud of--maybe they could have been New York Times bestsellers if you'd have worked harder. Whether your...


Tune Out To Tune In

Visit the children’s clothing aisles in your favorite department store, and you’ll quickly see how deeply obsessed we are with gender dichotomies. You can be either masculine or feminine, dolls or trucks, pink or blue. You can either be tough or you can be soft. You can either be objective or you can be emotional. You can either be devoted to family or devoted to career. Everything is either/or, rarely both/and. This means that in order to embody our cultural idea of masculinity, men have...


What's Left When It All Falls Away

For Jason MacKenzie everything was going as planned. He had a great job, a beautiful wife, two kids, a nice house, and a nice car. So, how did he one day find himself, widowed, and drinking until he passed out (again) on his couch, while his heartbroken 9-year-old daughter played on the floor alone? On this episode of The Man Rules podcast, Jason explains how he radically changed his life by stepping outside of his alpha male persona and embracing his long-hidden emotionality,...


Beyond the Binary

Why are we afraid of giving “girl toys” to little boys? Why don’t we have those same fears about giving little girls “boy toys?” Delene van Dyke, a sexuality and gender diversity educator from South Africa, explains how all of that has to do with the way we tend to put everything into binary categories. This or that. Either this or that. Black or white. Boy or girl. Gay or straight. And what about the labels of “gay or straight?” Are those categories even as simple a label as they seem?...


The Deep Dive Guys Do It Differently

In this episode of The Man Rules podcast, The Deep Dive Guys (Tim Walsh, Michael Dinneen, and Dan) talk about the ways in which they felt “different” as kids, the consequences, both internal and external, that they experienced for breaking The Man Rules, and the ways in which they are striving to change the rules and make things different for their kids. What does it mean to be a “sensitive man” or a “tough girl?” How can we make sure that the gender-positive message we send our kids at...


Eager to Please

If you’re confused about what women want sexually, it may be because many of them are confused themselves, though, through no fault of their own. Most of us, men as well as women, feel confusion about sex and our sexuality. BUT, this episode focuses solely on women's particular struggles. Our guest Kit Maloney offers women a special opportunity to take a pleasure pledge, in which they commit to exploring their own sexual pleasure, on their own terms, every day in February, capitalizing on...


Sexual Deliberation: Building a Culture of Mutuality and Consent

Why are so many of us confused about consent? The idea has come up a lot lately in the wake of the #metoo movement. And, discussions about it recently intensified with reactions to the story a woman named “Grace” told to Babe.net about a sexual encounter she had with comedian Aziz Ansari. On news sites and Facebook feeds nationwide, people are asking, “Was that encounter assault, misconduct, or just a bad date? Is Aziz Ansari a good guy or bad guy? Is “Grace” a victim or a liar? According...


One Step Back, Two Steps Forward

Was 2017 the year of the woman? It certainly could be seen that way. We watched a presidential election cycle that featured the first female party nominee for president. We watched many women (and some men) come forward about their experiences with discrimination, harassment, sexual assault and abuse at the hands of some of our nation’s most prominent and powerful men. We’ve seen women pointing out injustices from the streets of Washington, D.C. to the stage at the Golden Globes. The...


How to Get Metaphysically Fit

Happy New Year! And welcome to the annual tradition of making resolutions without much resolve. This year, though, could really be your year. Instead of relying on willpower to achieve your goals, rely on a framework for positive change, like our guest Darcy Luoma’s Thoughtfully Fit®. Through her years of experience, Darcy has learned that if you want strong relationships, effective teams, more internal peace, and greater success you need to work from the inside out. She calls this being...


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