Unashamed Unafraid-logo

Unashamed Unafraid

Self Development >

More Information


United States






Betrayal Trauma Resource: The Heart of a Woman Retreat

Last year I posted about my top-secret recovery resource: The Wild at Heart Retreat. This retreat is a game changer! I hope that you have taken the chance to listen to my post with Dorothy Maryon, CMHC about Betrayal Trauma and understanding our wife’s experience. Our wives get put through the ringer with our addiction and recovery and it’s not their fault. If only there was a top secret resource for their healing too…turns out there is! For this podcast I sat down with the founder and two...


James & Kristy's Recovery Story

It’s time for another couple’s journey through all the difficulty that addiction is and finding hope and healing. James and Kristy took 14 years to finally start their real journey with God, but it was worth it. As you read and listen I hope that there are parts of their story that resonate and that you can relate to. Their story is a great example of becoming unashamed about who they are and the mistakes they’ve made and unafraid of really connecting with God and seeing the life He has for...


Anonymous Questions Answered Ep: 3

We are back with our third edition of answering anonymous questions. I want to give large props to those who submit these questions. Also, so sorry it took us so long to get this one out! I hope our answers are helpful. To answer this episodes question I was able to catch up with Brian Murdock, LCMHC of Brian Murdock Counseling. Brian has been in the mental health field since 1992. In private practice he currently works with sexual addiction and traumas connected to those addictions. Your...


Anonymous Questions Answered – Episode 2

We are back with our second edition of answering anonymous questions. I want to give large props to those who submitted these questions. I hope our answers are helpful. This Episode I sat down with both Chris and Todd Olson, LCSW, one of the Co-Founders of LifeSTAR, to help answer these questions. Question: I am wanting information on sexual addiction and marriage. Answer: Aren't we all! Our resources page can be a great place to start (click here). If you are an addict, I recommend 12...


AMCAP Presentation—Training for Leaders and Family

I hope you have listened to our post, Why Trying Harder Never Works: Trauma. I believe this is one of the least understood parts of sexual addiction. So, if you haven’t listened to it, I strongly encourage you to. I did this post with Angela Russell, LCSW, who specializes in trauma work. In May 2017, Kayla and I presented with Angela at AMCAP (Association of Mormon Counselors and Psychotherapists) in Virginia. AMCAP does events to help train therapists and lay church leaders on various...


Anonymous Questions Answered - Episode 1

This post has been a long time coming and I apologize to everyone that we have taken so long. With that said…drum roll…here is Anonymous Questions Answered Episode 1! We encourage anyone who has any question(s) about sexual addiction recovery to submit questions and we will get therapists, men in recovery or whoever is needed to get a real effective answer. I give huge props to those who had the courage and were unashamed and unafraid enough to submit these questions. Thank you for helping...


My Best Recovery Resource: Wild at Heart Retreat - Boot Camp

Wild at Heart. If you are a man, and I know you or have met you it’s likely that I’ve given you a copy of this book or recommended it. I feel like it creates a great outline for men to understand the Gospel of Jesus Christ. This book was BIG for my recovery and just finding my heart as a man and coming alive. However, the real magic sauce was in attending the Wild at Heart Retreat, which they call Boot Camp. (Website here) No matter what your Christian background is or where you are at in...


Rob's Recovery Story

Nothing gives me more hope in recovery than hearing men who have become warriors in recovery. Rob is one of those warriors. I first met Rob in 2014 at the Wild at Heart retreat. Rob’s story, like all men in recovery, has a theme of honesty and faith. The largest thing for me was hearing how Rob’s core beliefs about himself changed and how his relationship with God helped him come alive. His story is definitely worth a listen. “It was all shame-based at that point…it wasn’t really about the...


Betrayal Trauma– Understanding The Wife's Experience

This is a post that I have been wanting to do for a while. I was able to sit down with Dorothy Maryon, CMHC (Clinical Mental Health Councilor), and talk about Betrayal Trauma, or our wife’s experience. Dorothy has been working with wives for over 18 years. I asked her to share with me what we needed to know, as addicts, about Betrayal Trauma, and how we can help to restore trust and heal the relationship. Whether we drop the bomb all at once (my story) or it comes out gradually, Betrayal...


Mack & Melissa's Recovery Story

Every story of recovery I hear gives me greater hope. We share similarities, but each is so unique and inspiring. Mack and Melissa have a passion for life that is infectious! But life wasn’t always that way. Melissa was blindsided like my wife was and Mack walked without God. “Now looking back I didn’t realize the lost that existed in the moment [I discovered his addiction].” –Melissa “I was really trying to break pornography on my own. It’s like I was drowning, but not asking for a life...


Reach Your Heart, Not Your Mind

In June Derek did a post about the small and simple things. In my recovery I have been surprised by the biggest small thing for me: Music. As I started listening to music that focused on the hopeful messages God has for us about his love, forgiveness, and power it has made a HUGE difference. Now I know there are a whole bunch of eye rolls here from skeptics and non-music listeners alike. But God tell us, “For my soul delighteth in the song of the heart; yea, the song of the righteous is a...


Attachment - Our Need to Connect

Todd Olson (LCSW, CSAT)* is a founder of LifeSTAR Network with over 25 years of experience with Sexual Addiction. He explains that we are wired to connect (see Still Face Video). "Everything I can get from an Addiction is what I wish I could get from my secure attachment person. It is either in my mind as a hopeful someone down the road or the one I'm in a relationship with right now that I wish was different." Attachment is our ability to make emotional connection with others attachment...


Steve's Recovery Story

“As long as I was living a dual life Satan had a firm grasp on me.” “The good Lord spoon-fed me along the way until I finally had the courage and the strength to shove the last of the secrets out the trap door and close it. That was the hardest thing for me. My life has changed today. I’m a different person. I lead a different life than I did before. I’m a happier person.” I first met Steve at the Warrior Heart Weekend retreat and Steve is indeed a warrior. All of our stories vary and each...


How to Have Healthy Connective Sex - Part 3

This is the last segment of our 3-part series with Corey Holmgren (AMFT) on healthy sex. As before, we recommend that you listen to all 3 posts in order; as it’s all one long message. I learned a lot as I walked through this model with Corey, especially about how sex goes WAY beyond just the physical act. As I’ve reflected on my feelings on this subject, I’ve recognized that it does run deeper than just my physical “needs” or urges. I hope this message will help you reflect on your intimacy...


How to Have Healthy Connective Sex - Part 2

In our first part Corey Holmgren (AMFT - Associate Marriage & Family Therapist) set the stage for the beginning of a healthy and connective sexual relationship with our spouse. In the second part of this series, Corey walks us through the Safe Sex Model. If you haven't listened to Part 1 I strongly encourage you to listen to that first. Health sex is such a foreign idea to us sex addicts, but this model blows the doors open! Healthy connective sex is so possible for all of us. "Your safety...


How to Have Healthy Connective Sex - Part 1

A common theme I found in recovery is that I'm not the only one who had a lack of education about positive and fulfilling sex. The more I've searched the more I've discovered most men (and women) don’t get taught anything either. Corey Holmgren (AMFT - Associate Marriage & Family Therapist) from LifeSTAR joins us in a series to talk about how safe, relaxing, and fulfilling our sexual relationship in marriage can be. For those of us in addiction this is like, what? All we've learned is...


Faith In God's Healing Power: Naaman

When I was struggling to overcome addiction I didn't understand how powerful God is and that if I would listen to him and act He had the power to heal. I found that I was like Naaman. (2 Kings chapter 5) Naaman had leprosy, which meant certain death - I had a sexual addiction. I always felt guilty and wondered if I was ever going to be able to stop. A little maid suggested Namaan go see the prophet - I often missed opportunities because answers came from seemingly minor places. A...


How Do You Win The Battle? Surrender.

Scott Peterson (LCSW, CSAT) (Licensed Clinical Social Worker, Certified Sexual Addiction Therapist) has over 20 years of experience with sexual addiction recovery. When I asked Scott to do a post with us I asked him to think about it and let me know. He immediately answered, "Surrender". It took me a while to start to understand the principle of surrendering my addiction, but it has made all the difference. . .or you can just keep trying harder. . . "The paradox of Surrender: When we want...


Why Trying Harder Never Works: Trauma

(If you haven't seen Disney's The Kid this is the scene where he sees a trauma from his childhood as an adult) Most addicts don't want their addiction. If fact, when we can be honest, we hate it. Often times we try the "right" things again and again. Harder and harder, but things still don't go right. What is up? Is healing hopeless? Nope! TRAUMA! Angela Russell is an experienced LCSW (Licensed Clinical Social Worker - therapist) who works specifically with Trauma. She has experience with...


Chris & Autumn's Recovery Story

When I started recovery one of the first stories of recovery I heard was Chris and Autumn's. It gave me so much hope! I'm grateful they would be willing to share their story here with all of us. What is so amazing to me is how far they have come and how much lasting healing and change has really happened. I hope as you listen to their story you will feel of the hope and light they have and know you can experience it too. "I just felt the lowest I've ever felt in my life. I felt like I was...