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No Crying In Baseball

Sports & Recreation Podcasts

When Patti and her potty-mouthed friend talk baseball, you'll know this is not a baseball podcast for lightweights. This is the real deal, from real fans. Because diamonds are a strong woman's best friend, and there's no crying in baseball.

When Patti and her potty-mouthed friend talk baseball, you'll know this is not a baseball podcast for lightweights. This is the real deal, from real fans. Because diamonds are a strong woman's best friend, and there's no crying in baseball.


United States


When Patti and her potty-mouthed friend talk baseball, you'll know this is not a baseball podcast for lightweights. This is the real deal, from real fans. Because diamonds are a strong woman's best friend, and there's no crying in baseball.






Moms agree, We are the Concussion Cure

While Pottymouth takes in an As game with our west coast pals, Patti holds the fort with guest host, and avid softball fan, Avery. Avery recaps the glory that is the champion Oklahoma Sooners softball team, led by star coach Patty Glasso and reminds us of the joy of watching action-packed college softball. In boyfriend news we praise Adley’s bat but worry about his qHar, praise Mark Canha and Taijuan Walker for their support of Pride Night, and sneak in Junior Pottymouth’s praise for Manny...


I’ll get the Woo, You get the Hoo

Patti is back from the plague, in time for the boyfriend home run barrage. Former bfs light up Gerrit Cole for home runs in the first three batters of a game. Three bfs currently on the Nationals homer back to back to back. Pottymouth wants bonus qHAR points for clutch pitching from Camilo Doval. Adley’s bat wakes up, Jake’s stays woke, and Jazz introduces the “I don’t care” tool to the collection. The Corrections department revisits the Rays and the Pride upheaval, and corrects Florida...


Pride and Prejudice

We’ve got a position player pitching! Patti is out with the plague which counts as down by 6 runs, so West Coast Correspondent Deborah joins Pottymouth and her Jamesons-spiked coffee for this week’s show. We give a rundown on notable Pride month actions including Tampa Bay using the Progress Pride symbol (which is inclusive of black and brown and trans people) but leaving it to an “individual decision by players” as to wearing it or not. The Dodgers celebrate their 9th Glenn Burke Day,...


In our fantasy league, no one gets slapped

After a field trip to see the Fredericksburg Nationals, Patti and the Pottymouth recorded this snack-sized, but jam-packed, episode over pizza and beer and perilously close to corn hole. The good news is we did NOT get kicked out of the ballpark (officially or recreationally) for sharing any of our opinions which appeared to differ greatly from the majority of the fans in the park, if t-shirt sentiments are to be believed, nor for the expressly stated “no profanity” rule. The other good news...


Inside (the) Baseball

Dr. Meredith Wills joins us to talk about what’s up with the dead/mushy/squishy baseball. We learn about her years as the “destroyer of baseballs” to look for changes in construction, materials, anything that makes the ball behave differently from year to year or even game to game. Consider the humidor! Our give the ball to a kid mantra evolves into a more complicated algorithm ending in “send the ball to Meredith.” Patti’s birthday wish was granted and Adley Rutschman finally got his call...


I Could Be Pitchcom

During a *real* no-hitter, Patti’s former forever BF Anthony Rendon homers from the left off of the “American Ohtani” and her other former forever BF Christian Yelich hits for his 3rd cycle vs the Reds. Pottymouth’s forever BF Juan Soto walks into history books once again. Mauricio Dubón and his childhood dream go to the Astros, James McCann is about to gain superpowers, and Josh Naylor earns his celly. Will Patti get an Adley call-up for her birthday? Kyle Tucker puts in a good day’s work,...


Orange Makes it Brunch

This episode, recorded on location in Rochester, NY on Mother’s Day morning, features spiked coffee and more than the usual number of people named Pottymouth. Our AAA Rochester Redwings outing was like a visit to boyfriends past, with a pitch clock. “Adley Watch” and “adorable fourth grader of the week” appear to be new regular segments – the latter with the takeaways that 1) vaccinations make adorable possible and 2) give the ball to a kid. We celebrate Miggy, Dusty, and Buster. We share...


Fight Me

Patti is willing to die on the hill of a combined no-hitter not being a no-no. Pottymouth is deeply tired of discussing Trevor Bauer who is appealing his record-setting suspension but otherwise is not appealing in any way. The Contreras brothers and the “brothers” from the Bahamas (Jazz and Lucius) warm our hearts this week, as does too-soon BF Christian Pache. Carlos Rodón is a bright spot in Pottymouth’s otherwise IL-troubled boyfriend team, and we are officially on Adley Watch. The...


The Wrong Kind of Beer Parade

In this snack-sized episode, Patti and Pottymouth hit the road to see some High-A baseball and record on location at Wilmington Brew Works. Yankees fans pelt Guardians outfielders with debris and it may be our fault for not including “Just don’t throw shit on the field” in our ballpark rules. Myles Straw climbing the outfield wall to defend Steven Kwan inks him onto Patti’s BF list for next year, and former bf Josh Naylor explains how things should have gone in absolutely NCiB terms. Hey...


Rum is the Death of Us

Alyssa Nakken makes history again while just doing her job adjacent to an “unfortunate racist incident” as we remind you that there’s a reason unwritten rules aren’t written. Alec Bohm makes 1) Patti’s Phillies prediction come true early and 2) Pottymouth feel right at home. Ke’Bryan Hayes rakes in the beer money while Heliot Ramos settles for a cup of coffee. Joe Maddon sends Corey Seager on a surprising walk. Patti takes Albert Pujols’ announcement of his decision to divorce his wife days...


Don’t Question the Voice in Your Head

Opening weekend brought us PitchCom, a couple of bench-clearing conversations, and a labor rant about MLB mobile ordering not allowing us to tip our stadium workers. Seth Beer proves our bf designation absolutely on point, plus boyfriend heroics from Teoscar Hernandez, Bobby Witt, Jr., and Juan Soto. There’s former bf joy with Nelson Cruz (if you *have* to have a DH…) and picked too soon Joey Bart, plus dominos falling with Pedro Severino. Jazz and Rachel go full Pottymouth. Patti searches...


Udders Up!

Patti and the Pottymouth boldly predict the upcoming season’s award winners and champions. Our logic is as airtight as you would expect (Patti goes where the Matts go and Pottymouth follows her heart). The minor leagues are brazenly getting to second base more quickly, and taking all of our money with this year’s ¡Copa de Diversión! merch. We congratulate the Tigers for treating Tork right, the Cardinals for bringing back Tio Albert, and the O’s coming to an agreement with Trey Mancini. Our...


Vigilant and Unpredictable

Patti and the Pottymouth reveal their Fantasy Boyfriend Baseball rosters for the new season, backing up their selections with references to Wardle vs Wordle strategies, adult beverages, philanthropy, children, and cars. So that tracks. Sticky stuff is back, bringing a new level of awkward to umpire duties. NYC caves to the sports lobby and rolls back a vaccine mandate, while Toronto fans tell unvaxxed players on US teams where to put their accusations of competitive imbalance. The Red Sox...


March is Mad and Rocking

NCiB boyfriends of the past are making splashy news in trades and free agency. We dwell on Freddie and the Welcome Matts, Eugenio’s qHar, and Miami’s Soler power, among other big bats and homecomings. We profile our fantasy pitching squads – Pottymouth goes west coast with Giants pitching, and Patti is still grooving on Hammers pitching since the World Series. COVID protocols are back in conversation, along with juggling NYC vaccine mandates and Canada’s public health protections. How ‘bout...


Ideally, You Have an Adult Beverage in One Hand

Cheers to the end of the lockout, the beginning of spring training, and finally an Opening Day countdown. Patti walks you through the new CBA agreement including the rule changes, the Police Blotter feels like old times, and Pottymouth suffers the first bitter breakup of the current boyfriend season. We celebrate Pottymouth’s restraint in having saved Wander Franco until this year as her Ray’s pick, while Patti chooses dancemaster Ji-man Choi. With the matchmaking skills of our West Coast...


Can We Also Ban Rob Manfred?

There should be a new NCiB drinking game for the number of times we say “league-imposed lock-out” in this episode. This week’s CBA negotiation update requires Patti to add yet another layer of complication to Rule 5 Draft, talk about ghost wins (they are a thing!), note that the player’s union is taking steps to protect stadium workers but as yet the League is all talk, and remind dear listeners that spring training and the regular season could have started on time, while negotiations are in...


We Digress or We Drink

We get feisty over “hostile” CBA negotiations, and stand with “furious” players. We call Rob Manfred on his ridiculous assertion that there is a deadline that needs to be met or games get canceled. It’s YOUR lockout, MLB! Thank you Atlanta Hammers for being compelled to release your financials therefore providing actual data. And for you billionaire vs millionaire folks, please give Sara Sanchez’s Thousandaires piece a read. Pottymouth requests a vegetarian version of new CWS boyfriend Leury...


How Much Money Do You NEED?

Forced to find the good in the Yankees, Pottymouth is clearly won over by new BF Estevan Florial. Patti gives the nod to impeccably groomed Giancarlo Stanton and his “fricking forearms.” For the Cardinals, Pottymouth flies like an eagle with Edmundo “Mundito” Sosa and Patti cheers Noots-not-boos for Lars Nootbaar. We note that it is the lockout, not CBA negotiations, forcing a delay in spring training games and we catch you up on the latest proposals. We ponder the sheer size of the deal...


Get the Puck Outta Here

Superb Owl Sunday was the greatest cross training day of our lives. We discuss the problematic boys vs men conversation in Olympic hockey and then immediately reference baby goalies, and Patti gets uppity about her alma mater. This week brings the longest police blotter of all time, featuring domestic abuse, assault, a class action suit, and controlled substances. We are very quick to judge, but that’s the beauty of us. Pottymouth has had her eye on new Red Sox boyfriend Jarren Duran all...


Baseball Boyfriend Trifectas

CBA negotiations heat up a notch as the League tries to bring in the Feds while the Players instead bring in the fans. Cowboy Joe hangs up his chest protector and yet still no women umpires in sight. Pottymouth adds a prize to her Hernandez collection, naming Teoscar as her Blue Jays boyfriend. Patti puts in a bid for beer with the Biggios with her pick of Cavan. For the Reds, Pottymouth Blind Sides us by selecting Kyle Farmer, and Patti is swayed by qHAR, Mookie, and a wacky career path to...