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#57 - Fire up the Hot Stove

Patti and the Pottymouth give the rundown on how their boyfriends ranked in Gold Gloves, Silver Slugger (JD Martinez wins two! In one year! Stupid DH…), Wilson Defensive Player, Golden Globes, Oscars, Peoples Choice… Mookie Betts wins everything he can win. Freddy Freeman has a good showing too. Patti sets up your themes to watch for this Hot Stove season: Qualifying offers (Mike Moustakas was teachable moment), Old Guy Free Agents, Pitching strategy. Pottymouth gets to say “Zoom Zoom”...


#56 - Big Papi and The Pottymouth Call the World Series

Pottymouth cries actual tears of joy and admiration for her Red Sox and their rookie manager, Alex Cora. Patti curls up under the stress blanket. It’s the great baseball detox of 2018. Buehler. There’s a World Series Boyfriend recap, where we admit Mookie Betts, Andrew Benintendi, Kiké Hernandez, and Matt Kemp were not the heroes, but they still did us proud. And are still a little adorable (cheers!). Everyone from the President to the LA fans throw shade at Dave Roberts, but Patti...


#55 - 2018 World Series Update v.1

Patti and the Pottymouth check in with a bonus show on the first World Series travel day. The Boston Ballet rates Andrew Benintendi’s Game 2 grand jeté a 9 out of 10, while Mookie Betts gives new meaning to Taco Tuesday. Patti’s Dodger BF Matt Kemp hits his team’s only WS home run so far, and Pottymouth really almost wants to see Kike Hernandez do well. Ish. The Red Sox are killing it with two strikes, and also with two outs. Dave Roberts is taking heat for not starting his lefty bats,...


#54 - Manny Machado will Never Be Our Boyfriend

Patti and the Pottymouth play the mom card over Jose Altuve’s “bravery” in playing while seriously hurt, falling for Chris Sale’s belly button ring diagnosis, and wanting to keep that nice Cody Bellinger away from bad influences disguised as the cool kids in the Dodger dugout. Fingers crossed that our Dodger boyfriends Matt Kemp and Kiké Hernandez get some playing time in the Series. We are all in for Craig Counsell and Christian Yelich throwing shade at Manny Machado who will NEVER be...


#53 - Postseason Strategery

Patti and the Pottymouth bring the strategery this week. Patti explains how lefty/righty matchups and situational pitching are key to the Brewers strategy against the Dodgers. Pottymouth explains Chris Sale’s no-sleeve strategy and how that may play out in the Red Sox/Astros series. We catch you up on our postseason boyfriends including the movement to Let Kiké Hernandez Catch, and how Mike Moustakas is Mr. Reliable and George Springer is the new Mr. October. Astros reliever Ryan...


#52 - Pot is Legal and We Like Purple

Patti and the Pottymouth run the remaining postseason contenders through the boyfriend filter, judging the pros and cons of each team, the quality of their postseason motto, and wagers of note, to help you decide who to root for if you don’t have a dog in the fight. Pottymouth takes a look at some player demographics (100% of Arubans in major league baseball are in the playoffs). Patti addresses Addison Frickin’ Russell’s token suspension and the baby steps commentators are making to note...


#51 - Joe DiMaggio was Damn Good Looking

El Jefe ditches Patti and Pottymouth on his birthday but somehow they manage to press the right buttons. Jay Sharman of La Vida Baseball stops by for a chat. We send our best wishes to Met’s captain David Wright, and identify his daughter Olivia Shea as a future all-star. Pottymouth’s BF Miguel Andújar ties that dreamy DiMaggio for most doubles by a Yankees rookie. Patti runs down the contenders for AL MVP, Mookie Betts vs. Mike Trout, J.D. Martinez, Jose Ramirez, and Alex Bregman. There...


#50 - All the Best Seats Ever

Patti and the Pottymouth sit in the greatest ballpark seats of their lives and see the historic (Max Scherzer breaking his all-time season strikeout record) and the hilarious (Baltimore’s DJ Stewart scoring a run off his first major league hit, which was a single). Pottymouth’s Piña BFs Yuli and Lourdes Gurriel have a smackdown of sorts. Patti thanks Christian Yelich for allowing her to legitimately bring up the Cleveland Browns in an NL MVP rundown, which also includes her BFs Javier...


#49 - Zoom Zoom Asuaje

Patti can’t stop saying “clinch,” and Pottymouth can’t stop saying “Red Sox.” Mookie Betts, Jose Ramirez, and Francisco Lindor all make history with their bats and their speed. Carlos Asuaje and Wil Myers get twitchy. Patti has one nice thing to say about the Braves, and Alex Cora has fewer nice things to say about President Trump. Innings pitched may be the key to the AL Cy Young Award. Pottymouth puts Zoom Zoom Stadium on her wish list. And possible dead heats in the NL Central and...


#48 - Stupid, Stupid Rain

Pottymouth proposes a school district-like snow day contingency plan for MLB rainouts. She nominates Yadier Molina, and Patti picks Cookie Carrasco, as their Roberto Clemente Award favorites. Patti’s shortstop boyfriends Francisco Lindor and Trevor Story are making history. Pottymouth questions MLB policy that allows Roberto Osuna, but not Robinson Cano, to play in the postseason. Jacob DeGrom, Max Scherzer, and Aaron Nola are in a dead heat for the NL Cy Young, possibles for the NL MVP,...


#47 - Sometimes a Raccoon Is Just a Raccoon

There is great rejoicing when Pottymouth utters the magic words, “Ohtani Watch.” Less so when she calls Patti out for telling everyone not to panic about trades last week. Andrew McCutchen shaved and became a Yankee! Josh Donaldson is a Fightin’ Francona! Gio Gonzalez is a Brewer. Sigh. This week’s vocabulary words, “expanded roster,” lead to a strategy discussion about interchangeable player positions in the land of fewer balls in play. Does Team USA’s failure to medal in the Women’s...


#46 - Moose on Moose Violence

Patti and the Pottymouth share the joy of Player’s Weekend, from Mike “Moose” Moustakas homering off of Joe “Moose” Musgrove, to the ultra style-y cleats of Adam Jones, CC Sabathia, and Francisco Lindor. Ronald Acuna, Jr. takes a chunk out of Marlin’s park, and a suitcase takes a whack at Aaron Sanchez’s dignity. It’s not Moneyball this time around, but the Oakland A’s are on a tear. Today’s vocabulary lesson is on revocable waivers and free agency, with the bonus tip of Don’t Panic....


#45 - Just Beer Enough

While Regulation Pottymouth is away, Other Pottymouth pinch hits with tales of the Nationals new bullpen cart, which they don’t deserve, a little love for Derek Jeter’s Marlins requiring Spanish lessons for the English speakers on the team, and the joy of SS Scott Kingery pitching so slowly the velocity doesn’t even register. Patti rants about Jose Urena’s fastball assault of Ronald Acuna and baseball’s ridiculous unwritten rules. And Eric Hosmer homering off a beer provides a teaching...


#44 - Dance Cam Edition

Patti and the Pottymouth review the good, the bad, and the ugly of Player’s Weekend nickname choices. Extra credit to Pat Venditte, Paul Fry, and Joey Gallo for puns and playfulness. The Reds are troubling, however, as Scooter Gennett doesn’t choose “Scooter” and Joey Votto goes all Canadian war poetry on us. Juan Soto suffers premature ejection. Baseball math provides grandpas everywhere with cheat sheets on when it is safe to leave the game early and beat the traffic. And grandchildren...


#43 - Double Header Hangover

Patti & the Pottymouth are forced to follow their own stupid fantasy boyfriend baseball league rules and bid farewell to Rhys Hoskins, Jonathan Schoop, and Ian Kinsler due to the Trade Deadline Boyfriend Shuffle. Pottymouth cheers on the Mamie “Peanut” Johnson Little League team as they move on to the regional championships with support from BF Adam Jones. Patti watches the “brawl that wasn’t” unfold, re-fold, and result in the beaning of national treasure Joey Votto. Rants abound as we ask...


#42 - Stupid High School Boys

Former MLB players vote for boyfriends on all 30 teams. They call them Heart and Hustle Awards, but they totally use NCIB’s BF criteria. We make a good showing with Pookie, Goldy, Salvy, Scooter, Spanky, and Alfalfa all making the cut. That’s Mookie Betts, Paul Goldschmidt, Salvador Perez and Scooter Gennett, for the uninitiated. Kiké Hernandez checks pitching off the bucket list, stands on the said bucket, and teases the Braves announcers for getting their MLB panties in a bunch. We have no...


#41- All-Star Wrap-up and Women In Baseball Week

With Patti on the road, Pottymouth brings in some special guests to help out. Ecuadoran journalist Santiago Estrella talks about growing up playing baseball in New York City and being a huge Yankees fan before moving back to Ecuador — a country that has no baseball — at the age of ten. His newspaper allowed him to come back to the States to cover All-Star Week and he shares his stories of interviewing some of the top players. Pottymouth also speaks with dynamic umpire Perry Barber about...


#40 - All-Star Week is Hotter Than Hell

It’s All-Star Week and Patti and the Pottymouth have made new friends all over town – in the Metro, in bars, at the ballpark, during volunteer gigs, plus that guy walking down the street carrying a base from the Futures game. We got outside at Play Ball Park, where we made sure little girls and grown women took their turns at bat and in the pitching cages and didn’t hang back behind the boys and menfolk. At Fanfest, Pottymouth met a childhood hero and Patti flew. We couldn’t help ourselves...


#39 - Jumbotron Edition

Pottymouth decamps to NYC (WTF?) yet Patti manages to have her Greatest. Baseball. Weekend. Ever. There were dingers and anthems and jumbotron appearances galore. Pottymouth makes an All-Star case for Yadier Molina, who now even Torey Lovullo agrees is NOT a mofo. Mark Reynolds and Juan Soto are not the heroes the Nationals had in mind, but they are the heroes they needed. Patti has a brush with glory as the Women’s Baseball World Cup trophy and two members of Team USA visit Nats Park. And...


#38 - Naked Players and Shirts On Fire

Patti and the Pottymouth welcome special guest Alfredo Alvarez, of Con Las Bases Llenas, for a Red Sox / Yankees Series smackdown, er, discussion. Alfredo’s story of becoming a Yankees fan as a child in Cuba almost convinces Patti to join the Evil Empire, but her aggressively ugly Orioles shirt (and her aggressively Red Soxy Pottymouth) keep her grounded. We celebrate Joey Votto’s strike zone in honor of Canada Day, and revisit crime and punishment in the MLB in the form of Luke Heimlich...