You’re on Mute with Aisha

Aisha reads a snippet of Leah’s dream journal. Aisha also shares an intensely personal and recent development in her life.

Dear Listener, I remember meeting Leah for the first time. She had, and still has, an ethereal quality. I remember thinking of her as willowy. Like she could billow away like fairy dust. Physically, she is lovely. I always imagine that people that are physically attractive are met with this at a full stop. She is lovely….and….there is so much more. She is a graphic artist, extremely talented as an artist. She is loving, a friend that cares and asks authentically. She is open and brave. So very brave. She is also funny, warm, and very observant. When I first started getting to know Leah, it was clear very quickly that she was not safe. I remember conversations in which she would share something small about her relationship, and it would sound my internal alarms. I remember wondering if she came across as ethereal and willowy because she was not safe. As if she was trying to take up less space, appear less than to avoid harm. I cannot answer this. I know I have been unsafe in my own life and can relate to that thought, that feeling. Leah shares the smallest pieces of a few paragraphs in her life with me and you. She is safe now. She is making steps forward to heal. This session could be cueing for you. Take care of yourself first. I will not use any common terminology for what Leah has experienced, for she is not to be labeled as anything other than the pottery barn Wizardess who saved Herself. The bravest act of all. Warmly, Aisha

Aisha reads the letters that she and Alina wrote, as well as Chapter 1 of All About Love: New Visions from bell hooks.

Dear Reader, I met Alina Potrzebowski at what turned out to be the last position I held in the non-profit sector. She stood out to me immediately. I attended a training she held for staff, in which she was discussing white supremacy and the culture it perpetuates in non-profit work. This was not my first discussion around this area; however, I could tell that for some what she said was hard to hear. There are a lot of white women in the non-profit sector. A lot of good intentions. And..a lot of harm is done. That is for another day. I have gotten to know Alina more over the past two years. The gift that has stayed with me is that our friendship has strengthened over time, over both of us leaving this non-profit, over uncertain bonds formed in very traumatic spaces, and over what was initially and entirely virtual. A huge bond we shared initially and continually is our desire to be anti-racist. The Anti-Racism journey for both of us has demonstrated to us that we are each capable of change. What is within one human is within all of us. The piece that is often not discussed, that should be, is that we can cause great harm. Not only can you NOT cause great change but you can cause great harm with intentions. You can have the best intentions in the world AND cause great harm. So be quiet. Listen. Remember you do not have to have an opinion. Sometimes, it’s not our space or within our right to share every opinion….shocking I know. It’s okay to say, “I don’t know enough to have an informed opinion on this.” Then we can just listen… I will end this introduction with what Alina says in this conversation that has struck me since. This is what I am sitting with after this exchange. “We have to believe people can change. We have to believe we can change. If we don’t believe people can change, then we’re stuck here too.” “If I can change, and if I changed, than others can change too.” And…what is within one human is within all of us. Warmly, Aisha

Aisha reads a personal letter. She reflects upon her love of language and the role it has played in her life. Aisha also shares her personalized insults as a child and an adult.

Aisha reads the letter she wrote after reflecting on her conversation with Mike. Song Credit: Bird Lullaby created and sung by Mike Garcia

Aisha reads a personal letter, Little Old Me. She writes of her journey, healing, and language around “Inner Child”.

Aisha reads the letters that she and Rachelle Williams wrote for the episode: Just Ducking Listen.

Appropriately Awkward: I met Mike Garcia through our dear mutual friend, Alina Potrzebowski. Mike had just started his Podcast, “Life of a Dog on the Rez”. I had just started my project, “You’re on Mute with Aisha. We were both spending hours with Alina, and she said, “You two need to know each other.” And we did. When we finally met in person, it was on Mother’s Day, which I could write about in another letter entirely. Alina hates Mother’s Day. I am not a fan either. There are expectations, feelings, complexities, trauma, histories, and it’s one of those days that dominant culture treats as a one-size-fits-all and well, it just doesn’t. We couldn’t find a place to have brunch due to plumbing issues, long lines, and well…peopling. I still laugh when I remember Alina’s face when we all got out of our separate cars to meet on a sidewalk on Central in front a crowded restaurant…she was so pissed! I just casually looked around at everything….everything but her face…..because I knew. It took just a bit before she said, “I told you so!’ and I listened to her…she had told me so. We found a great little joint and ate great homemade bread and delicious coffee. Alina took our photo. Mike and I were awkward. I told Mike, “Oh look at us being appropriately awkward!” and he was like, “right?” Mike and I had a great conversation, actually more than one. I highly recommend his Podcast “Life of a Dog on the Rez”. In Mike’s own words I read to you his synopsis of his Podcast: “The “Life of a Dog on the Rez” podcast is a place where we share funny, cringe-worthy, and inspirational stories from our beloved Pueblo homelands. Stories that uplift the soul, provide us hope, and heal our spirits. Join me on this journey of life on the Rez, and how it has shaped who we have become. Come and share our stories!” At the end of all of it, stories bind us, stories connect us, stories propel us forward, while rooting us to our past. Thank you for listening and reading. Visit Mike: https://music.amazon.com/podcasts/f30f589c-52eb-4f03-82ae-c675aa7a2158/life-of-a-dog-on-the-rez?refMarker=null& Warmly, Aisha

Aisha reads the letter that accompanies her episode with Dr. Jodi Burshia.

Aisha reads the letter Father Anne shared with her after Wybie’s passing.

Aisha reads the letters between her and Father Anne from The Epiphany of a Good Death. Dear Reader, What is loss? What is it to lose: Something. Someone. A feeling. A love. A mind. A relationship. A presence. I lose my keys. Sometimes I find them. Once I didn’t. I’ve lost friendships. Some are not meant to last a lifetime. Some seem to always exist, regardless of time, contact, or circumstances. I “lost” my mother for nine years when I was growing up, then I got her back when I was 18 and had gained some freedom. I still mourned her during those nine years and even now, I still feel the loss of my mother of that almost decade when I did indeed, lose her. My mother “lost” her daughters for nine years and that was grief, mourning, and loss, even though none of us had physically died. It still lies within our relationships, a presence, sometimes silent, sometimes not. That didn’t feel the same as losing my father this January. Losing my father didn’t feel the same as losing Wybie this January, our bestest doggo of twelve years after a very violent illness. A lifetime of loss. A month of intense loss. A pandemic of global loss. It all left me quite…verklempt. And…this is important. I am loved. I am graced with a support network of love, support, and care beyond what I could ever ask for, anticipate, or even wish for. Father Anne, or Anne as I met her, is a huge piece of this support. In this span of intense grief recently, Anne held me up in those tough emotional spaces that I didn’t really know how to take steps. Sometimes my feet would move, sometimes they would freeze in time, a lot of in-be-tweens. She held space for me, she held me physically, she held my Wybie as he died, she shared me a letter after he passed, she checked on me often, it was so necessary for my healing and functioning. I wish each human had an Anne, and I know they do not. It was my honor to have her share this month of You’re on Mute with me for Women’s History Month, although I didn’t plan it, and how could it be otherwise? After these past few years and months and our discussion, we fell on the topic of The Epiphany of a Good Death. It is an epiphany for me. Not for Father Anne. It was a gift she shared with me. We are sharing it with you.

Aisha reads the letters between her and Father Anne from Episode 2.

Aisha reads the letter co-written with Ynette Coyler that accompanies the very first podcast, vodcast, and jam ever done for You're on Mute with Aisha. What is the heart of a giver?

Dear Listener, It's May and what a month it has been. I am profoundly exhausted with a profoundly heavy heart. Will it ever end? I can only ask and rest and keep on. Rachelle Williams was the co-creator for the May You're on Mute with Aisha. She is profoundly wonderful in many ways, and I am honored to share her with you. We wrote separately to you and hope you find some peace from us. We want you to know...you are not alone. The “dark night of the soul” has come to refer to a time of complete collapse of a perceived meaning of life. Nothing makes sense anymore and there is a lack of purpose. This is, or is quite close, to depression. There are countless events that could trigger this state, leading to a breakdown in the conceptual framework within which one has been living from most of their lives. The brain is constantly applying meaning as a way to explain and make sense of the world, and when this is taken away and things don’t make sense anymore no matter how hard one tries, it can lead to a dark place. This is your soul’s way of screaming out that a disconnection has occurred and a reset button is pushed, sometimes whether or not you asked for it.

This month my co-creator is Professor Jodi Burshia. We chat about what defines us, The Flash, books, and connecting over differences. Jodi Burshia (Laguna Pueblo, Diné, Hunkpapa Lakota, Assiniboine and Sioux) grew up on the Tohono O’otham reservation in southern Arizona. She attended the University of Arizona and earned a BA and MA.Ed before moving to Albuquerque to be closer to her home community of the Laguna Pueblo and to pursue doctoral studies. In 2021, she earned a doctoral degree from the University of New Mexico. She loves working in the classroom and has been a classroom educator since 2000. She has a daughter that is the light of her life and keeps her on her toes! Jodi serves as an Adjunct English and Reading Instructor at the Southwestern Indian Polytechnic Institute (SIPI) where she works with Indigenous students to build and strengthen their reading, writing, and comprehension skills. She seeks comprehensive and multidisciplinary approaches to educational, linguistic, and social justice disparities, especially in Indigenous communities. In this role, she seeks to empower Indigenous students to envision and attain academic success as a step to pursuing their dreams and passions. As an educator and an educational activist, she has been able to collaborate with colleagues to bring awareness about the Missing and Murdered Indigenous women (MMIW) issue to the SIPI campus. Recently, Jodi taught with the Community and Regional Planning Department at the University of New Mexico. Jodi would like to thank her family, especially her parents, Ben and Ruth Burshia and her daughter, Sophia, for their continued support. Their support made the doctoral process doable. You have put up with me sitting in front of my computer for hours on end. You have provided guidance and a sounding board. Sophia – let’s build that snowman. This is the point. Thank you to my aunts, uncles, cousins, and friends who also made this dissertation possible. The prayers, the encouraging words, the good food, the deep belly laughs all meant a great deal to me and will always be treasured. I want for future generations of Indigenous students to envision themselves earning doctorate degrees and to know that it is possible. Earning a doctorate is not passive. Work is involved yet the work is not impossible. Remember to pray daily and remember that you are not doing this by yourself. You are supposed to be doing this. We are our ancestor’s wildest dreams. To read our article please visit: https://www.linkedin.com/pulse/where-did-tumbleweed-come-from-aisha-i-e-sha-smith/?trackingId=mDCQ%2F60NWtaMkvcmajNp3Q%3D%3D

Dear Listener, What is loss? What is it to lose: Something. Someone. A feeling. A love. A mind. A relationship. A presence. I lose my keys. Sometimes I find them. Once I didn’t. I’ve lost friendships. Some are not meant to last a lifetime. Some seem to always exist, regardless of time, contact, or circumstances. Father Anne and I discuss #loss, #racism, #dei, and other topics in this month's You're on Mute with Aisha. It's not an easy discussion, so if you are not in a space where you seek discomfort or growth, it's not for you. Father Anne herself, what she aspires to be, is not for everyone. If you do not agree with a women priest, just pass this by...it's not for you. Warmly, Aisha #intersectionalfeminism because traditional #feminism isn't enough for us anymore #equity because a size 10 shoe is great, if you happen to wear a size 10 #creativity because I celebrate my own growth every day

Dear Listener, What is loss? What is it to lose: Something. Someone. A feeling. A love. A mind. A relationship. A presence. I lose my keys. Sometimes I find them. Once I didn’t. I’ve lost friendships. Some are not meant to last a lifetime. Some seem to always exist, regardless of time, contact, or circumstances. I “lost” my mother for nine years when I was growing up, then I got her back when I was 18 and had gained some freedom. I still mourned her during those nine years and even now,...

This world is in chaos. It feels never-ending and I am exhausted, and I won’t give up, and I will take my moments of respite and rest. Thank for you spending time with me and Ynette. We wish you a moment a peace, of breath, of calm, in a world that often takes all those things away from us. We must not let go of ourselves easily. Ynette and I have asked each other and now bring this question to you: What is the Heart of a Giver? To give is to receive. To receive is to receive. The culture of giving is very complex. It seems simple and often we speak of it that way. Many of us are/were raised in religious environments, which preach to help the poor, the needy, those who cannot help themselves. In non-religious environment, giving can be a very strong culture. As adults in the workforce and children in school, we do drives for those in need, raise funds for those in need, for those who cannot help themselves. We walk miles, run miles, cycle miles, collect coats, collect food, collect pennies, collect dollars, distribute blankets, distribute food, distribute coats. To give. For to give is to receive.

Philanthropy is a Greek word that roughly translates to English as, “love for humanity” or “love of mankind”. How does that feel for you? When you think of the culture of giving in our world today does it feel as if it’s driven by a love for humanity? The heart of a giver is unique to each person. Each person’s experiences, which impact their beliefs, sometimes values, all tunnel to the heart of this person.