The Happiness Lab with Dr. Laurie Santos

In Part 2 of Dr. Laurie’s conversation with researchers Dr. John Gottman and Dr. Julie Schwartz Gottman, we learn how couples can raise complaints without damaging their relationship — and how to respond constructively when a partner voices a concern. Their research shows that fighting doesn’t have to pull couples apart. When handled well, conflict can actually make relationships stronger. Further reading: Fight Right: How Successful Couples Turn Conflict into Connection by Dr. John Gottman and Dr. Julie Schwartz Gottman. See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

In this classic episode, Dr. Laurie speaks with two of the world’s most influential relationship scientists, Drs. John Gottman and Julie Schwartz Gottman. In their renowned “Love Lab,” the married researchers have studied thousands of couples, identifying the subtle interaction patterns that predict whether partners will drift apart or stay happily together for decades. They join Dr. Laurie to share what we can learn from these “Masters of Relationships” — and how to build partnerships resilient enough to withstand life’s inevitable stresses and strains. Further reading: Fight Right: How Successful Couples Turn Conflict into Connection by Dr. John Gottman and Dr. Julie Schwartz Gottman. See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Modern dating can feel like a marketplace. We’re told we all have a “mate value,” that some people are 9s and 10s, and that the laws of evolution determine who gets chosen — and who gets rejected. But what if we’ve misunderstood what evolutionary science actually says about love? Dr. Laurie sits down with social psychologist Dr. Paul Eastwick, author of Bonded by Evolution: The New Science of Love and Connection, to challenge some of the most pervasive myths about attraction and compatibility. Do dating app algorithms actually know who's right for you? Are we really all placed in different "leagues"? If you’ve ever wondered whether love is destiny, biology, or something you can actually create, Dr. Eastwick offers a surprising new perspective. Resources mentioned in this episode: Bonded by Evolution: The New Science of Love and Connection “The Pairing Game: A Classroom Demonstration of the Matching Phenomenon” “Matching for Attractiveness in Romantic Partners and Same-Sex Friends: A Meta-Analysis and Theoretical Critique” “The Social Relations Model” “Once More: Is Beauty in the Eye of the Beholder? Relative contributions of private and shared taste to judgments of facial attractiveness” “Sex Differences in Mate Preferences Revisited: Do People Know What They Initially Desire in a Romantic Partner?” “Northwestern Speed-dating Study I” “Northwestern Speed-dating Study II” “The (Mental) Ties That Bind: Cognitive Structures That Predict Relationship Resilience” “We’re Not That Choosy: Emerging Evidence of a Progression Bias in Romantic Relationships” “Romantic Relationship Status Biases Memory of Faces of Attractive Opposite-Sex Others: Evidence from a Reverse-Correlation Paradigm” “Relationship Regulation in the Face of Eye Candy: a Motivated Cognition Framework for Understanding Responses to Attractive Alternatives” “Perceived, not actual, similarity predicts initial attraction in a live romantic context: Evidence from the speed-dating paradigm” “Is Romantic Desire Predictable? Machine Learning Applied to Initial Romantic Attraction” “Love Factually” See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Modern dating can feel exhausting. On one hand, there’s the seemingly endless swiping that leads to dating app burnout; on the other, there’s what can feel like the insurmountable challenge of meeting someone in real life. But what if finding love is less about fate — and more about strategy? Dr. Laurie sits down with behavioral scientist and dating coach Tim Molnar, author of Date Smarter: A Strategic Guide to Navigating Modern Romance, to explore what the research really says about how to meet the right person, build genuine connection, and avoid common dating mistakes. Resources mentioned in this episode: Date Smarter: A Strategic Guide to Navigating Modern Romance “Receptivity to Sexual Invitations from Strangers of the Opposite Gender” How to Bounce Back from Life’s Curveballs (with Dr. Maya Shankar) “Computations of Uncertainty Mediate Acute Stress Responses in Humans” “Implementation Intentions and Goal Achievement: A Meta-Analysis of Effects and Processes” “Forbes Health Survey: 78% Of All Users Report Dating App Burnout” “Foot-in-the-Door Technique Using a Courtship Request” “Getting Beyond Small Talk: Study Finds People Enjoy Deep Conversations with Strangers” “Grammar Is Super Important to Online Dating Sites, So Try to Speak English Good” “ Swipe-based dating applications use and its association with mental health outcomes: a cross-sectional study” (00:02:17) Date Smarter: A Strategic Guide to Navigating Modern Romance See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Most of us have people in our lives who love us — partners, friends, family — yet many of us still don’t feel as loved as we want to. Why is there such a gap between being loved and feeling loved? And what can we actually do about it? Dr. Laurie sits down with social psychologists Dr. Sonja Lyubomirsky and Dr. Harry Reis, co-authors of How to Feel Loved, to unpack the science behind this disconnect. They explain why feeling loved so often eludes us — even in close relationships — and share research-backed insights that can help us change the conversation, strengthen our connections, and feel more loved both now and in the relationships we build in the future. Resources mentioned in this episode: How to Feel Loved: The Five Mindsets That Get You More of What Matters Most "Our Epidemic of Loneliness and Isolation: The U.S. Surgeon General’s Advisory on the Healing Effects of Social Connection and Community" "Social Ties and Susceptibility to the Common Cold" "Toward Understanding Understanding: The Importance of Feeling Understood in Relationships" "How to Get Through Hard Times: Principals' Listening Buffers Teachers' Stress on Turnover Intention and Promotes Organizational Citizenship Behavior" How to Win Friends and Influence People How to Win Friends and Influence People for Teen Girls "Self-Expansion Theory: Origins, Current Evidence, and Future Horizons" "Do Unto Others or Treat Yourself? The Effects of Prosocial and Self-Focused Behavior on Psychological Flourishing" "Everyday Prosociality in the Workplace: The Reinforcing Benefits of Giving, Getting, and Glimpsing" "Kindness Counts: Prompting Prosocial Behavior in Preadolescents Boosts Peer Acceptance and Well-Being" "The Genomic Impact of Kindness to Self vs. Others: A Randomized Controlled Trial: See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

What does it mean to live a meaningful life? How do you find direction when you feel stuck or you’re unsure about your purpose? Dave Evans and Bill Burnett, co-founders of the Stanford Life Design Lab and authors of How to Live a Meaningful Life join Dr. Laurie to challenge our assumptions about where meaning really comes from. They share practical strategies from the world of design thinking to create a more purposeful and fulfilling life while making the most of your current circumstances. Resources mentioned in this episode: Designing Your Life: How to Build a Well-Lived, Joyful Life How to Live a Meaningful Life: Using Design Thinking to Unlock Purpose, Joy, and Flow Every Day Flow: The Psychology of Optimal Experience The Developing Mind: How Relationships and the Brain Interact to Shape Who We Are "Overly Shallow?: Miscalibrated Expectations Create a Barrier to Deeper Conversation" See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

We often think creativity comes from sudden flashes of genius within us. But what if ideas actually exist in the world around us — waiting to be discovered and shaped by anyone paying attention? Creativity expert Dr. George Newman, author of How Great Ideas Happen, explains how anyone can become a creativity "archaeologist," uncovering innovative ideas while avoiding common myths about creativity that keep us stuck. See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

It’s easy to fixate on the usual markers of success — your resume, your net worth, or how “impressive” you seem on paper. But how much do those things really speak to our wellbeing? And what do we miss when we only focus on them? Author and cultural commentator David Brooks reflects on what he learned when he moved beyond ambition, and shares some practical ways to get unstuck. See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Life has a way of upending even our best-laid plans. Breakups, job losses, scary health diagnoses — these unexpected changes can leave us feeling stuck and uncertain about what comes next. Dr. Laurie speaks with her dear friend and former student, Dr. Maya Shankar, author of The Other Side of Change and host of A Slight Change of Plans, about how to navigate these major shifts, including practical tips for leaning into change instead of resisting it and reimagining the possible selves we can become in the new year. See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

A lot of us spend our energy on things that aren’t worth it: projects, relationships, or goals that may feel important in the moment but ultimately leave us frustrated and drained. Dr. Diana Hill, clinical psychologist and author of Wise Effort: How to Focus Your Genius Energy on What Matters Most, gives us a roadmap for applying our energy more effectively in the new year — so that our lives feel lighter, more purposeful, and energizing instead of exhausting. See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Midlife can be a period of immense change and, sometimes, challenging emotions. But it’s also an opportunity to cultivate deeper, more lasting happiness. Dr Laurie recently joined another Pushkin podcast, Decoding Women's Health with Dr Elizabeth Poynor, to share insights on how midlife women can thrive. Dr Laurie breaks down the components of happiness, explains why we’re often mistaken about what makes us happy, and provides practical tools and habits to boost wellbeing, manage negative emotions, and navigate burnout. On Decoding Women’s Health, Dr Elizabeth Poynor makes the science of women’s health accessible—from hormones to metabolism to longevity—so you can thrive at any stage of life. A world-renowned gynecologic oncologist and advanced pelvic surgeon, Dr Poynor speaks with leading physicians, researchers, and educators to share the latest science on wellness, disease prevention, and what it really means to age on your own terms. Because mid-life isn’t a crisis—it’s an opportunity. If you like what you hear, find (00:01:15) Decoding Women's Health wherever you listen to podcasts. See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

What stresses you out over the festive season? Happiness Lab listeners sent in their holiday woes so Dr Laurie and guest Rainn Wilson (The Office star and host of Soul Boom) could weigh in with some science-backed advice. In the second part of our Holiday Survival Guide, Dr Laurie and Rainn discuss what makes the perfect gift, how to slow down to enjoy the festivities, and why your smart phone should join the elf on a shelf. See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

What stresses you out over the festive season? Happiness Lab listeners sent in their holiday woes so Dr Laurie and guest Rainn Wilson (The Office star and host of Soul Boom) could weigh in with some science-backed advice. In the first part of our Holiday Survival Guide, Dr Laurie and Rainn discuss ways to defuse family arguments, why it's ok to feel sad at Christmas, and how to beat festive FOMO. And find Nick Epley's "deep questions" conversation guide at drlauriesantos.com/deepquestions. See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

According to the science, it really is better to give than receive. Donating a dollar; sharing a kind word or lending someone a hand changes lives, but can also hugely boost your happiness. So we're teaming up with other podcasts from Hidden Brain to Revisionist History to ask you to give to a charity helping some of the poorest people around. We're calling it #PodsFightPoverty. Go to givedirectly.org/happinesslab right now and give whatever you can. Even a small donation will make you feel good and have a much larger impact on the world than you thought possible. To help inspire you, this special episode examines the science of giving and shares stories of heartwarming and impactful acts of kindness. See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

It's Thanksgiving - a good time to think about gratitude and being selfless. Concentrating on the things we have to be grateful for is a great way to boost your happiness. So thank the people who've done good things for you, and think of ways you can help others too. This circle of gratitude – the science suggests – will also make you a better friend to one of the most important people in your life… your future self. In a re-run of a 2020 episode, Dr Laurie investigates this effect with Northeastern University’s Professor David DeSteno – author of “Emotional Success: The Power of Gratitude, Compassion and Pride.” See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

On National Stress Awareness Day we've pulled a popular episode from our archive. Stress can suck. Many of us drown in it - worrying about past events and fearing upcoming challenges. We even stress about feeling stressed. So how can we reset our relationship with stress - benefitting from its positives and avoiding those negatives? Dr Jenny Taitz has some effective tips to help you greet stress more healthily. A clinical psychologist and the author of Stress Resets: How to Soothe Your Body and Mind in Minutes, Dr Jenny explains that if we think differently about challenges and tough situations and take action, then stress can become a friend rather than a foe. See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Here’s a preview of a new show I think you’ll enjoy, Decoding Women’s Health. On Decoding Women’s Health, Dr. Elizabeth Poynor makes the science of women’s health accessible—from hormones to metabolism to longevity—so you can thrive at any stage of life. A world-renowned gynecologic oncologist and advanced pelvic surgeon, Dr. Poynor speaks with leading physicians, researchers, and educators to share the latest science on women’s wellness, disease prevention, and what it really means to age on your own terms. Each episode explores a different aspect of how to improve your health during midlife—from heart disease and genetic risks to cognitive health and beyond. Because mid-life isn’t a crisis—it’s an opportunity. In this episode, Dr. Poynor is joined by neuropsychologist Dr. Caroline Gurvich to unpack what’s really happening in the brain during perimenopause and menopause. They explore why more than 60% of women experience cognitive shifts, how estrogen impacts memory and focus, and the roles hormone therapy, lifestyle choices, and even cognitive training can play in keeping your brain sharp. Find Decoding Women's Health wherever you get podcasts. See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Halloween isn't just costumes and candy. It's also a time when we indulge our interest in the scary and macabre. But there's also a taboo about gory horror movies and gruesome true crime shows - we often feel that being interested in blood and violence is unhealthy. The opposite is possibly true. Psychologist Coltan Scrivner (author of Morbidly Curious: A Scientist Explains Why We Can’t Look Away) says that watching a scary movie or listening to a murder podcast is perfectly natural and in fact teaches us valuable lessons to enhance our emotional resilience. See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Not many elite athletes talk openly about mental health, but five-time NBA All-Star Kevin Love is changing that. After a very public panic attack on the basketball court he was told to "snap out of it". But Kevin decided to discuss his "dark moments" of anxiety and depression and show that vulnerability is actually a strength. The sports star joins Dr. Laurie to talk about overcoming generational trauma, the pressures of toxic masculinity, and how speaking up can change the game for all of us. See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Today we're sharing an episode from another Pushkin Industries podcast, Heavyweight. Gregor's parents are pushing 90. Gregor wants to move them out of their big Victorian home. But they refuse. So, he's come up with a bold plan. Get ad-free episodes of Heavyweight by subscribing to Pushkin+ on Apple Podcasts or Pushkin.fm. You'll also get an exclusive bonus episode where Jonathan, Stevie, and Kalila remember how the beloved Jackie calls came to be and share a never-before-aired opening that could have started the show in an alternate Heavyweight universe. Thanks for your support—and be sure to check out the other offerings available to Pushkin+ subscribers, including ad-free episodes, full audiobooks, and exclusive binges of other podcasts throughout the year. Subscribe on Apple: apple.co/pushkin Subscribe on Pushkin: pushkin.com/plus See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.