Lost Spaces: Memories from Gay Bars, Lesbian Clubs, and LGBTQ+ Parties

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This episodes first came out in 2024, and here's what I had to say about it: I love hearing people's stories of places that are close to their hearts - places where they spent tonnes of time, met lots of wonderful people, and figured out things about themselves. But, you know what else I love? When people want to talk about places that they HATED! And hate is maybe too strong a word for this week's guest's experience, but I still enjoyed hearing about how the sticky floors and the dark, dank bar were just not up their alley. And who's alley were we not up? Well, it's Layne the Auctionista, who joined me to talk about Seven, the aforementioned dark bar that was found in London, Ontario, Canada.

This episode first appeared in 2024, and here's what I had to say... There's one question that gets asked in this week's episode that’s really stuck with me and that I continued to ponder even after we'd said our goodbyes and turned our microphones off... And that question is: how do you know when you have become the person that you’re supposed to be? By that I mean - at what point do you say 'yes this is the person I was supposed to be' rather than continue to strive and figure that out? Or, do you just kind of like make do with who you presently are and accept that that might change one day? And it's one of those annoying questions where there probably isn't an answer, so it's not worth expending any energy trying to figure it out, but if you have any suggestions do let me know! But for now, let’s focus on our guest for this week’s episode, Amethysta Herrick, writer and host of the Gender Identity Weekly podcast. Amethysta came out as a trans woman in 2022, but if you've ever come out then you know that it takes a lot of mental computation and processing to get to that point and it's usually something that you know about a long time before you're willing to share it with the wider world. But luckily for us we have queer spaces where it's safe to explore these things. And, one of the places that helped Amethysta explore and understand her identity was the Athens, Georgia bar Boneshakers, where, way back in the 90s, she got to try out an alternate identity - she named herself Selina after Catwoman's civilian name - and just got to flirt, hang out, and exist as herself.

This episode was first shared in 2024, and here's what I had to say: I know there's always the risk with this show of completely romanticising queer spaces as these glistening oasis' of tolerance and acceptance.But, that's really not the case - despite how wonderful and freeing they can be, they can also be a bit shitty and exclusionary. And I was reminded of that this week when I sat down to talk to talk to Andrew Gurza, who is a disability awareness consultant and activist, as well as being the host of the Disability After Dark podcast. We caught up to discuss The Edge, which was a gay bar in Ottawa, Canada, and held so much promise for Andrew but pretty much failed to deliver. But, that's not to say that this is a totally depressing episode. That Andrew is one horny guy, and he seems to have mastered the art of turning every conversation into one about blow jobs, so penises and giggling come up a lot, as well as the despair we both feel about mainstream gay male culture! So, in other words - something for everyone (?)!

I first shared this episode in 2024, and here's what I had to say: So, if you were to ask me to overly generalise and boil down the types of experiences that guests on this show have had when first accessing a queer space I'd say they neatly fit in to two categories: 1) there are those who feel instantly at home and like they've arrived. 2) there are those who feel like an outsider, or a 'tourist' in the space. Sometimes that feeling of being an outsider goes away after a few visits when they get the chance to ease in to the space and better understand the culture. But sometimes they remain a tourist... which isn't necessarily a bad thing. Which brings us to this week's guest - author, screenwriter, and producer Abdi Nazemian - who never stopped feeling like a tourist, but still credits his lost space, Disco 2000 at The Limelight in New York City, with inspiring him to be passionate and brave and fun. We talk about the club kid scene in this episode, which was happening in NYC in the early 90s. I don't think you need to know much about the history of the scene to follow the conversation, but you might enjoy this article for some background

This episode first featured in 2022, and here's what I had to say: On this week's show we're talking to Lil Miss Hot Mess, who is as fun to talk to as her name is to say! Coming up in the San Francisco scene, Lil Miss got started at the legendary T-Shack, a night held at The Stud, which unfortunately we lost at the beginning of the pandemic. And, yes, you can rest assured that you'll be getting me patented dumb questions throughout this conversation about all of the traditions and weird things that happen in the drag scene, and this time I find out a lot about the dynamics between drag mothers and drag daughters. Remember - I ask the dumb questions so you don't have to!

One of the things I love doing most about this show is, obviously, getting the chance to learn about different people's experiences and circumstances. But, within that, there's often a really nice reminder of how nobody's journey is the same. There are so many ways to come out, there are so many ways to fall in love, and there are all of these different ways in which a space can be important to you. Some of my guests have only been to a space once, some went religiously over a period of years (or decades)... and, then, there are some people who had breaks in-between, going at different periods of their life. One such person is the Canadian writer, artist, historian, and host of the trans history podcast 'One From The Vaults', Morgan M Page. Morgan first went to Goodhandy's in Toronto as a fresh-faced 19 year old, but then had a few different periods where the space wove in and out of her life, each time offering something different... We caught up to talk about call centre scams, conspiracy theories, and having warm and fuzzy feelings for someone who is supposed to be a friend...

This episode was first shared in 2023, and here's what I had to say: You know how sometimes these conversations are only very, very, very tenuously linked to a queer space, and in the intro I try and come up with some justification for why we didn't talk that much about it to prepare you for the episode ahead? Well, dear listener, this week I'm not even going to try to insult your intelligence by pretending that we talked about a queer space, cause we didn't. I failed you. BUT, that's not to say that it's not a great conversation! I was lucky enough to sit down with Jaimie Kelton, actor, voiceover artist, author and host of the Queer Family podcast. And in our conversation we talk all about what it's like to grow up in one of the gayest cities in the world, San Francisco, but still battle with coming to terms with your own sexuality, how to shed the idea of yourself being a 'good girl', and why the stereotype of the u-haul lesbian is so damn persistent...

This episode first featured in 2024, and here's what I had to say... The lyric to that very famous 80s TV theme song is 'sometimes you want to go where everybody knows your name'. Whilst I think that's true I also think there are times where you want to go where nobody knows your name and where there's absolutely no risk of running in to anybody that you even vaguely know. It's that type of space that gave this week's guest - scholar, therapist and host of the Gender Studies podcast Alex Iantaffi - the courage to actually go through the front door and start to explore their queerness for the first time. And so, in this episode, Alex takes us back to the 90s and sits us down in a corner seat in London's First Out Cafe to show us the magical, open, friendly space that made them feel welcome.

This episode first appeared in 2021, and here's what I said: It's our very first visit to the city where I grew up…. Adelaide! I got to sit down with the comedian Lori Bell to talk all about her experiences on Adelaide’s queer scene (all two venues!)… We talk all about first times, blow jobs on the dance floor, and I find out what the difference is between regular bingo and gay bingo….

This episode first appeared in 2021, and here's what I had to say about it: Simona Castricum is a musician, DJ and producer based in Melbourne, Australia. We caught up to talk about Hugs and Kisses, a night that ran in the 2010s and took advantage of the looser licensing laws that applied to the venue it was based in, which created this wonderful, hedonistic atmosphere reminiscent of the early rave scene. We talked a lot about being safe on the scene and how to create that culture, becoming yourself, and drinking in the street. Oh, and I need to let you know that Simona is probably THE most Australian person that I’ve ever spoken to, and uses a whole heap of colloquial language, so you may want to familiarise yourself with the terms cooked, hoon, sick, goon and pingers before you listen to the episode! But, then again, it’s kind of fun guessing as you go along so I’ll leave that decision up to you.

This episode first appeared all the way back in 2021, and here's what I had to say about it: Have you ever had someone try to coax you out of the closet by asking the seemingly innocent question ‘is there anything you want to tell me?’? Do you remember the anguish and pain of simply muttering the 3 or 4 words needed to just confirm their suspicions? Well, if you have, I have a feeling you’ll love this week’s episode. I’m talking to comedy writer and actor Lisa Haas about her very first trip to the lesbian bar Three Sisters in Denver, Colorado in the 80s. We talk about how depressing a lesbian bar can be on Christmas eve, the awkwardness of coming out support groups, and what signal your sister might be trying to send you when she offers to buy you a plaid shirt! Listen to Lisa’s podcast ‘IN HEAT: A Lesbian Comedy’ wherever you stream podcasts, and follow her on Instagram.

This episode first featured in 2021 (!), and here's what I had to say about it then: This week we are talking to David Paisley, a Scottish actor known for roles in soap operas Holby City, and River City. He is also a tireless LGBTQ campaigner, recently being acknowledged with an Attitude Pride Award for his campaigning against the trans-exclusionary agenda of the LGB Alliance. He first moved to London when he got the role as midwife Ben Saunders in Holby City, and hated it. It wasn’t until the second time around that the city’s charms started to show themselves, and he had fun exploring the sticky dancefloors and sweaty bars of Soho. We originally caught up to talk about Ghetto, that beloved icon of the mid-00s queer scene, but, as is usual on this show, went on the scenic route, which took in other clubs such as Popstarz and Trash Palace, and some entirely unrelated conversations about funeral songs, Spice Girls, and the anxiety of controlling the playlist at a house party.

This episode first appeared in September 2023, and here's what I had to say about it: Sometimes I feel a bit dumb (or maybe just a bit sheepish) about some of the revelations I have through doing this show, especially since we're so close to 200 episodes (eek!) and I feel like I should know it all by now... But, then, on the other hand, the fact that I'm still learning so much is part of the reason that I'm so excited to share these stories with you. And this week the thing that resonated the most is the idea that when things are at their absolute worst also happens to be the time when being in a sweaty nightclub is actually the most fulfilling.... This week I was lucky enough to sit down with comedian and podcaster Sheria Mattis, and it helped me refocus on the importance of clubbing and nightlife and release. In those times of my life when things have felt so difficult and knotty and hard, being out and shocking my senses was the best way for me to recalibrate,. Oh, and before you listen to this episode - if you don't know who she is already you should probably google Rachel Maddow, because... well, we talk about her quite a lot and it's useful if you know what she looks like!

This episode was first shared in 2023, and here's what I had to say about it: You know, in all of the time that we've been doing this show we've never featured a sauna... but that's about to change! Our very first sauna is ACI, which was in San Antonio, Texas. And, showing us around is the subversive queer rapper Chris Conde. Now, Chris was a military brat, and so they moved around a lot when they were a kid. But, as a young adult they decided they wanted some stability, and so chose to settle in San Antonio. And it was here that they let go of religion, got sober, and then came out of the closet... again (?). Oooh, and for those who don't know, saunas, or bathhouse as they are commonly named in America, are places where people go for relaxation and... sex... let's be honest - it's mostly for sex. Anyway, they've kind of fallen out of fashion since the rise of the apps, but they were a huge part of queer (predominately male) culture for decades.

Greatest hits episode! This conversation was first shared in 2023, and this is what I had to say about it: One of the things that I've noticed is fairly common in people who come out later in life is just how much of a hurry they are in to experience ALL of the queer shit they've missed out on... And that is what happened to this week's guest, podcaster and voice-over artist Phil Corin, who, upon realising that they may not be heterosexual was on a mission to make their way to the New York City lesbian bar Meow Mix (1996 - 2004). And once they got in to the bar? Well, the gloves were off, but you'll have to listen to the episode to find out the whole story... In this episode we chat all about coming out tactics, lesbian pulp fiction, and.... our complicated feelings about single-gender spaces... Follow me Instagram: ⁠⁠www.instagram.com/lostspacespod⁠⁠ Facebook: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠www.facebook.com/lostspacespod⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ TikTok: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://www.tiktok.com/@lostspacespod⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Sign up to the Queer Word newsletter: https://queer-word.beehiiv.com/subscribe⁠⁠⁠⁠ Support me Buy Me A Coffee: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://www.buymeacoffee.com/lostspacespod⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Follow my guest Website: https://philcorin.com/⁠ Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/philcorin/⁠

Greatest hits episode! This conversation was first shared in 2023, and this is what I had to say about it: So, you know I love me a story about someone running away to figure out who they are. And, this week we have a doozy. Naomi Mourra, who is Sydney’s only Lebanese, lesbian, ex-Jehovah’s Witness, comedian, first came to London in the late 90s when she was trying to reconcile the thoughts she was feeling about women-folk with the teachings of her religion. And, she got to explore at Soho's Candy Bar, a lesbian bar that first opened in 1996, but closed in 2014 due to rising rents in the area. Boo! We talk all about the magic of London, finding your bearings in a new city, and wooly jumpers... Follow me Instagram: ⁠⁠www.instagram.com/lostspacespod⁠⁠ Facebook: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠www.facebook.com/lostspacespod⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ TikTok: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://www.tiktok.com/@lostspacespod⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Sign up to the Queer Word newsletter: https://queer-word.beehiiv.com/subscribe⁠⁠⁠⁠ Support me Buy Me A Coffee: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://www.buymeacoffee.com/lostspacespod⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Follow my guest Instagram: ⁠⁠https://www.instagram.com/naomimourra/⁠ Facebook: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://www.facebook.com/naomimourracomedy⁠

We're revisiting some of my favourite/most memorable/most impactful episodes throughout June! Sometimes I'm really taken aback by what an absolute privilege it is to do this job, and how people can be so open and honest with me. And I think it's a real honour that I get to help amplify the stories, and get the opportunity to really examine my own queerness and how that's shaped who I am. Maybe that's all a little bit too sentimental? Let's get on with what this show is about this week. I am joined by the British comedian, Jacob Truman, who sat down with me to talk about a small-town gay bar that was in the city where he went to University. The kicker? He never had the bravery to step foot in the place. So you've probably already guessed that this one's going to be heavy, but but I promise it's a good one. We talk all about making all of your decisions from a position of fear, being too scared to come out to your identical twin brother, and what it's like to glimpse through that sliver of a window at a life that you aren't brave enough to start for yourself. Do you have any memories of Christopher’s, or clubbing from your own scene that you want to share? Well, if you have please get in touch - I want to create the biggest online record of people's memories and stories - go to www.lostspacespodcast.com and find the section 'Share a Lost Space' and tell me what you got up to! Bonus points for embarrassing photos! Follow me Instagram: ⁠⁠www.instagram.com/lostspacespod⁠⁠ Facebook: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠www.facebook.com/lostspacespod⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ TikTok: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://www.tiktok.com/@lostspacespod⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Sign up to the Queer Word newsletter: https://queer-word.beehiiv.com/subscribe⁠⁠⁠⁠ Support me Buy Me A Coffee: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://www.buymeacoffee.com/lostspacespod⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Follow my guest Instagram: ⁠⁠www.instagram.com/jacobtrueman TikTok: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://www.tiktok.com/⁠⁠@jacobtrueman

It’s entirely possible that it’s just the contrarian in me, but I kind of love when I am talking to a guest who is like ‘been there, done that, do not want to go back’. Because, yes, I love hearing about queer nightlife, and how accessing those spaces helps you tap into something bigger than yourself, but it’s important not to over romanticise them. And, on top of that, it's always nice to be reminded that there are bigger and better things out there in the wild world. And I was reminded of just that when I sat down to talk to author Troy Ford, who is currently on the cusp of releasing his new book, Lamb, a book about two friends and their complicated relationship. And speaking of complicated relationships (see what I did there?), Troy had refreshing insights in to the queer world of San Francisco in the 90s, a space and time he had a complicated relationship with. As hard as he tried, he just couldn't connect with the scene and the people in it. Follow me Instagram: ⁠⁠www.instagram.com/lostspacespod⁠⁠ Facebook: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠www.facebook.com/lostspacespod⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ TikTok: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://www.tiktok.com/@lostspacespod⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Sign up to the Queer Word newsletter: https://queer-word.beehiiv.com/subscribe⁠⁠⁠⁠ Support me Buy Me A Coffee: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://www.buymeacoffee.com/lostspacespod⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Follow my guest Website: https://troyfordauthor.com/lamb/ Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/mrtroyfordauthor/ Newsletters: https://troyford.substack.com/ AND https://qstack.substack.com/

Ok, so this just might be the most obvious statement that I've ever made. And, that's really saying something, considering all of the clangers that I come out with... But... it's kind of incredible how much our family and our early years define us. Like, so much of who I am is because of who they are. And, vice versa, I suppose. But, there's something really interesting in the messages that we chose to internalise and how difficult those are to shake off. But, like, what would happen if we just did? If we just stopped believing all of those things about ourselves that we thought were innate or hard-wired or just who we are... What if they're not who we are? Ok, ok, that's too much navel gazing. Let me introduce you to this week's guest, who sent me down this thought path. He is Brian Gryhpon, a queer neurodelightful Canadian who is a photographer, tarot card reader, and poet. We got together to talk about his days in Toronto, and how he graduated from the bar scene to start going to Club Manatee, a club that operated in the 1970s..... Follow me Instagram: ⁠⁠www.instagram.com/lostspacespod⁠⁠ Facebook: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠www.facebook.com/lostspacespod⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ TikTok: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://www.tiktok.com/@lostspacespod⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Sign up to the Queer Word newsletter: https://queer-word.beehiiv.com/subscribe⁠⁠⁠⁠ Support me Buy Me A Coffee: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://www.buymeacoffee.com/lostspacespod⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Follow my guest Website: http://digitalgryphon.com/text-lynx/ Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/briangryphon