Self-Coaching

What really happens when we close our eyes at night? Why does the brain weave vivid stories that can make us laugh, cry, or wake up in a cold sweat? In this Self-Coaching episode, we’ll explore the fascinating science of dreaming—what goes on in the sleeping brain, why humans evolved to dream, and how those nighttime narratives may help us process emotions, solve problems, and rehearse for survival. We’ll dive into the hidden language of the unconscious—exploring the role insecurity plays in shaping our dreams.

In this Self-Coaching podcast, I explore the four most common controlling strategies of insecurity—worrying, rumination, catastrophizing, and overanalyzing, also known as analysis-paralysis. These strategies are our reflexive attempts to compensate for insecurity—at its core, the fear that we can’t handle life as it unfolds. Over time, we come to rely on these strategies in an effort to feel safe and in control. The problem is, what starts as a coping mechanism quickly becomes a habit. And although these strategies may give the illusion of control, they inevitably generate stress. That stress, in turn, fuels ongoing emotional struggle.

Have you ever walked into a room and instantly felt all eyes on you? That tightness in your stomach, the heat rising to your face—you feel exposed, judged, vulnerable. It’s a universal experience. But here’s the thing: vulnerability by itself isn’t the problem. The real problem begins when vulnerability turns into insecurity—when self-doubt, fear, and the feeling of ‘I’m not good enough’ take over. That’s when life starts to shrink. Relationships suffer, careers stall, happiness fades. In today’s Self-Coaching episode, I want to show you how vulnerability and insecurity, left unchecked, can quietly ruin your life. We’ll delve into the origins of these feelings, explore why they’re ingrained in us, and, most importantly, discover how awareness can help them take a backseat. Understanding the vulnerability-insecurity loop may change the way you look at your struggles forever.

Have you ever caught yourself thinking something like… ‘I’m so stupid…I can’t do anything right… everyone else has it together—why don’t I?’ If so, you’re not alone. Most of us talk to ourselves in ways we’d never speak to a friend. We push, criticize, blame, and shame ourselves—often without even realizing it. But why? Why are we so hard on ourselves?Both Self-criticism and what’s called negative bias are inherent aspects of the human psyche that evolved to protect us from reckless behavior. When, however, insecurity gets involved, then rather than protecting us, self-criticism becomes a psychological cudgel leading to stress, anxiety, and depression. In this week’s Self-Coaching podcast, we’re digging into the psychology behind self-criticism—where it comes from, how it affects us, along with 5 steps to help you start being a little kinder to yourself.

Fear is a natural, protective part of life. Without fear, our species would long ago have become extinct. In this Self-Coaching podcast, I discuss not how to become fearless (that would be dangerous) but how to fear less. How do you know if you’ve become too fearful? I offer seven signs to help you differentiate between realistic, unavoidable fear, versus your level of neurotic, unnecessary fear. It’s important to understand that neurotic fear has a systemic, corrosive effect on your happiness, your mental health, and your physiology.

What’s so bad about procrastinating? For starters, procrastination slowly erodes the quality of your life by turning your days into a series of missed opportunities and mounting stress. When you delay important tasks, you trade long-term growth and peace of mind for short-term comfort. Over time, this leads to constant pressure, guilt, and a lingering sense that you’re falling behind. Goals remain unfulfilled, relationships suffer from broken promises, and your confidence takes a hit as unfinished responsibilities pile up. What begins as a harmless habit quietly chips away at your time, your potential, and ultimately, your sense of purpose. Procrastination isn’t a character flaw; it’s a habit. In this Self-Coaching podcast, join me as I discuss ways to overcome the needless tendency to avoid handling life more directly, in the moment, rather than kicking the can of responsibility down the road toward some vague future.

Maybe you’re not depressed and you’re getting along as well as can be expected, but maybe you’re feeling aimless, unfulfilled, or disconnected from a sense of purpose. Or maybe you’re holding out for some clear, passionate, lightning-bold kind of ‘ah-ha’ revelation that will rescue you from your ho-hum life. If this sounds like you, then perhaps this Self-Coaching podcast is just the ticket for understanding how boredom has become nothing more than a habit that can be challenged and replaced with your innate potential for living a more stimulating life.

We naturally become bored when our brain isn’t entertained, emotionally engaged, or sufficiently challenged. I’m sure you’ll agree that to some extent, boredom is an inescapable part of life. But how can you tell if your life is too boring? In this Self-Coaching podcast, I discuss the need to determine to what extent boredom may play a disruptive role in your life. Whether it’s a mismatch between ability and challenge, attention issues, or low dopamine, boredom can result from many causes. As much as we think of boredom as a negative, restless experience, there is a bright side. Join me as I explore this often-overlooked aspect of boredom.

The inability to say ‘no’ is a habit, a habit of insecurity. Whether it’s the fear of disapproval or rejection, a desire to please, guilt, low self-worth, or simply wanting to avoid conflict, when you find yourself saying yes when you’d rather be saying no, then you need to listen to this episode of Self-Coaching. Learning to say no requires some psychological grounding, but more importantly, it’s understanding that standing up for yourself is a skill. A skill that can be learned. I offer five simple techniques for learning to respect your boundaries while assertively (with kindness) taking care of your needs.

Do you ever wish you could be more positive, more optimistic? If so, this Self-Coaching podcast may be just what you need. Did you know that optimism isn’t just a personality trait; it’s a skill. A skill that you can actually build. Join me as I talk about some simple steps and exercises geared to help you focus on possibilities, not problems, reframing reflexive negativity, and learning to risk trusting that you can, in fact, handle what life throws at you.

Life’s demands, challenges, scares, and fears can really pile up. Sometimes it just feels like too much. The tumult of feeling overwhelmed is something that happens to all of us and although we can’t control life and the many challenges we encounter, there are things we can do to minimize, if not, eliminate the chaotic experience of feeling out of control. In this Self-Coaching episode I offer strategies for coping when we begin to feel powerless and victimized by life and/or our emotions. Avoiding getting overwhelmed isn’t about pretending everything’s fine—it’s about building little habits, developing a more resilient mindset, and a support system that can help you feel more grounded…even when things get messy.

Mark Twain once said that courage is resistance to fear, mastery of fear—not absence of fear. Although it’s tempting to wish you were fearless, without fear, our lives would quickly become reckless and threatened. Fear, healthy, objective fear is an essential component of our genetic inheritance, but irrational, neurotic fear is not. In this Self-Coaching episode, I discuss the difference between normal and neurotic fear and strategies to minimize needless neurotic struggle.

In everyone’s life, there are ups, downs, happy times, and anxious times. But one thing is certain: life undulates. I call these undulations, waves--psychological waves. Think of waves as life’s challenges. Some waves consist of circumstantial, externally driven challenges, e.g., illness, financial struggles, loss, and so on, while other waves are psychological, driven by habits of insecurity. One thing about waves, circumstantial or psychological, they…undulate—they come, and they go. Waves eventually subside, allowing us to enter a trough state of potential calm. I say potential because for anyone suffering from anxiety, depression, or emotional struggle, being in a trough state (a potential for calm and solace) is no guarantee of solace; they generate neurotic “waves,” anticipating, worrying, what-iffing, etc. And for those who generate waves, there is no solace. Join me in the Self-Coaching podcast to learn what is necessary to ensure that your ‘trough state’ isn’t corrupted by the neurotic habits of insecurity.

Self-Coaching is not just another form of coaching; it’s a unique CBT-based program based on the idea that anxiety, depression, and other emotional struggles stem from learned habits of insecurity and self-doubt—habits that can be broken. To liberate yourself from struggle, you need to understand the fundamental ‘why’ you struggle in the first place. Why, no matter how much you’ve tried, nothing changes.In this week’s episode, I offer a step-by-step strategy that will teach you to become your own best coach, enabling you to overcome feeling powerless and victimized by life.

Are you tired of being manipulated? Saying yes when you’d rather be saying no? In this Self-Coaching episode, you’ll learn how manipulators tend to bend you to their will by using tactics like guilt-tripping, playing the victim, or simply wearing you down. Join me as I explain how to set clear boundaries, avoid over-explaining, and use techniques like “Broken Record” to ensure that you don’t have to feel manipulated or bullied by coercive people who aren’t at all concerned about your attempts to resist and are only concerned about twisting you to do their bidding.

Regardless of age, gender, background, or profession, for many, no matter how much they try or succeed in life, they believe they’re frauds. Imposter syndrome is the persistent feeling of self-doubt and inadequacy, despite evidence of success and competence. People experiencing it often believe they’re frauds or undeserving of their achievements, fearing they’ll be "exposed" as unqualified and embarrassed, even if they’ve worked hard and accomplished much. Join me in this week’s Self-Coaching challenge to dispel the feeling that you’re living a lie. The “lie” has been based on the insecurity premise that you’re a fake, a phony. Once you yield to this deception, everything else becomes irrelevant. If you were to get that promotion or be nominated for mayor or even if you were to build a bridge or find a cure for the common cold, none of this would matter because eventually, you go back to feeling, “If they only knew the truth about me.” Let me offer you some Self-Coaching suggestions and techniques to liberate yourself from the shadow of self-doubt and fear of being exposed.

Beware of the saying: “Better the devil you know than the devil you don’t.” All too often, we cling to the short-sighted safety of attempting to control life. But sometimes, because of insecurity, a normal need for control becomes excessive as we desperately try to over-control life and outcomes. The problem is that the more we rely on insecurity-driven habits of control, the less we rely on our natural resilient ability to trust self and life. Rather than letting go and allowing life to unfold, we gravitate toward perfectionism, rigidity, and neurotic self-distrust. You may have become convinced that over-controlling life may feel like a better option than risking self-trust, but if you truly want to live a more passionate, liberated, enjoyable life, then it’s time to realize that there’s only one devil—refusing to risk self-trust. This week’s Self-Coaching challenge is to learn to risk believing that you can let life unfold today without your usual insistence that life, outcomes, and others must be controlled. Controlling life is a myth; living life isn’t.

Most people, at one time or another, will ask, “What’s the purpose of life?” More accurately, we should be asking, “What’s my purpose in life.” For some this isn’t a difficult question to answer, yet for others, it remains a total mystery. A sense of purpose isn’t something reserved for only those fortunate, happy, successful people; it’s a potential that resides in each of us. Unfortunately, one’s purpose may be submerged, unrealized, or covered over by neurotic distortions. While there’s no simple, one-size-fits-all answer, join me in this week’s Self-Coaching challenge as I offer suggestions that may help you grapple with finding more purpose in your life.

Developing self-discipline and willpower What stops you from achieving your goals? What exactly is the resistance that keeps you from taking charge of your life and realizing your intentions? As complex and multifaceted as the answer to this query may be, one way or another, it all boils down to self-discipline. From a Self-Coaching perspective, self-discipline and willpower depend on the ability to willfully endure the transient discomfort of changing who and what you are. You weren’t born with self-discipline, you acquired it. Like a muscle, you need to develop your self-discipline muscle, one challenge at a time. So, if you wish you had more follow-through to get things done, whether losing weight, exercising, or realizing your ambitions, this Self-Coaching episode will give you strategies for reconstituting your atrophied self-discipline muscle.

Bumble bees are not supposed to fly. Their body weighs too much, and their wingspan is too short. Thank goodness the bumble bee doesn’t know these facts. What are the supposed “facts” that are holding you back? Sure, there are challenging circumstances in your life. But it’s not life circumstances that are holding you back or making you feel anxious or depressed, it’s your reaction to these circumstances When it comes to happiness, we often hold ourselves back psychologically through self-imposed limitations and mental barriers, many of which stem from past experiences, cultural conditioning, or deeply ingrained, habituated thought patterns. Join me in this week’s episode as I explore some common ways we do this.