Self-Coaching
Health & Wellness Podcasts
A revolutionary, new approach to alleviating life’s emotional struggles
Location:
United States
Genres:
Health & Wellness Podcasts
Description:
A revolutionary, new approach to alleviating life’s emotional struggles
Twitter:
@SelfCoaching101
Language:
English
Contact:
2015699101
Website:
http://www.selfcoaching.net/
Email:
psy1280@aol.com
Episodes
Am I too compulsive? Too perfectionistic?
3/11/2024
Whether we’re talking about compulsivity or perfectionism, these personality traits have one thing in common: they’re misguided, insecurity-driven attempts to control feelings of vulnerability. As with other controlling strategies, stress becomes an inescapable component of maintaining a compulsive-perfectionistic lifestyle. In time, stress inevitably depletes, leading to emotional struggles, especially anxiety-based issues. It may be okay for others to come in second, spill ketchup on their blouse, or have a bad hair day, but not for perfectionists. Striving for compulsive control of life is exhausting, yet many feel they have no choice. It’s a black-and-white world where not only do all your ‘ducks’ have to be lined up in a row, but God forbid one of those ducks breaks rank. This is a nightmare for the compulsively driven person. This Self-Coaching episode shows that striving to control life compulsively is a fool's errand. The solution isn’t more control, it’s developing Self-trust. What’s funny is that it’s not about being perfect; it’s really about not screwing up! Perfection, along with compulsive control, is, and will always be an illusion. Unfortunately, for many, without sufficient self-trust, it’s the only game in town.
Duration:00:27:16
Turtle behavior is a neurotic way to avoid life.
3/4/2024
What comes to mind when you think of a turtle? The shell, right? When feeling threatened, turtles escape into the protection of their protective shells. We, humans, also have shells, but not physical shells made of keratin, ours are behavioral—we have avoidant strategies to protect ourselves from perceived harm. In this Self-Coaching episode, I discuss the fact that all humans have shell-avoidant behaviors, but not all avoidant behavior is neurotic. It all depends. It depends on the thickness of your ‘shell.’ For some, kicking back and avoiding making a tedious phone call at the end of a long day; may be termed avoidant, but understandable, behavior. For those, however, with thicker shells (more habituated avoidant strategies), this type of retreat from life’s challenges can become problematic, fueling other emotional struggles.
Duration:00:22:47
How to tell if you’re neurotic
2/26/2024
Maybe there are people who never worry, are always in a good mood, feel secure, and never flinch when facing life’s challenges. You might be tempted to think such a person surely isn’t neurotic. And this may be true, although I’ve never met such a person. I think it only fair to suggest that being neurotic isn’t a black-or-white description—it’s a relative statement. The real question is, to what extent are you neurotic? In this Self-Coaching episode, you’ll learn that a life of neurotic struggle is based on two factors: 1.) a diminished or lack of self-trust, and 2.) a habit of insecurity-driven thinking. Get ready to take my quiz to help you determine to what extent neurotic (insecurity-driven) thinking may be eroding your capacity for happiness and well-being.
Duration:00:25:53
Part 2: The seven principles of self-coached healing
2/19/2024
In this week’s Self-Coaching episode, I dig deeper into the remaining 7 principles of self-coached healing. This episode deals with the illusion of control, the habit nature of emotional struggle, the reality that healthy thinking is a choice, and the fact that a good coach needs to be a good motivator. These seven principles will equip you to take your life back from the reflexive, neurotic thinking that has tarnished your emotional life.
Duration:00:22:12
The seven principles of self-coached healing
2/12/2024
Self-coaching, from its very inception more than thirty-five years ago, was my attempt to combine cognitive behavioral psychology with a unique form of motivational coaching that would provide a common-sense approach to understanding and eliminating emotional struggle. It’s not the historical truth that will set you free, it’s realizing that all emotional struggle is the result of our habits of insecurity—habits that we inadvertently feed or starve. Through the years, these principles have helped people from all over the world, proving that psychological healing doesn’t have to be complicated or confusing. My effort to synthesize the essence of my Self-Coaching program into these seven principles will help to provide you with a straightforward format for taking your life back from the struggle.
Duration:00:21:05
Mind talk—how we talk ourselves into emotional struggle
2/5/2024
What’s going through your mind right now? What thoughts are you aware of? Can you “hear’ this inner talk? When you say, “I’ll never get that job,” or, “I can’t stop worrying about getting older.” You’re actually talking to yourself—not with your mouth—but with your mind. Let’s call it, ‘mind-talk.’ And neurotic thoughts can affect us emotionally, providing the fuel for anxiety, depression, and emotional struggle. But, in order for thoughts to affect us, two things have to happen, 1.) You—a part of you—must listen to what you’re saying (mind-talk), and 2.) You must either accept or reject it. A part of you talks and, a part of you listens may feel strange, but when, for example, if you say, “I’ll never lose weight, I’m too weak,” and then you wind up getting a bit depressed, what happened? What happened is that you accepted and embraced this declaration of insecurity. This type of thinking, if unchecked, will steer and distort you and your life. Typically, these thoughts are reflexive, knee-jerk doubts, fears, and negativity. In the Self-Coaching episode, I discuss how to use mind-talk to not only liberate yourself from insecurity-driven, reflexive thinking but to finally experience the life you want—the life you deserve.
Duration:00:20:21
Psychological tough love
1/29/2024
I’ve been a psychologist for almost 50 years, and two things I’ve learned about human nature: 1.) we are creatures of habit, and 2.) habits are stubborn. When dealing with anxiety, depression, and emotional struggle in general, there is nothing more important than to understand how the entrenched habits of insecurity have come to contaminate our potential for happiness and solace. Unfortunately, when someone tries to change, they typically fall short of breaking the emotional habits that are holding them back. In this Self-Coaching episode, I discuss why people are stubborn when it comes to doing what’s necessary to change. And it’s this stubbornness that requires a more direct and honest confrontation—a confrontation of tough love. In my estimation, therapy is too passive. In order to challenge the often, life-long habits fueling struggle, there’s no room for coddling. What’s needed is 1.) an understanding of “why” we struggle, and 2.) a self-coached, assertive approach to developing a more psychologically mature willingness to do what’s necessary to change—really change!
Duration:00:26:22
A simple solution to emotional struggles
1/22/2024
Ever heard of Occam’s razor? Essentially, Occam’s razor states that the simplest explanation is preferable to one that is more complex. In my early years practicing psychology, I decided to challenge the complexities of traditional analysis. As I began to formulate my Self-Coaching approach to emotional struggles, I came to a ‘chicken-egg’ issue: Does anxiety produce anxious thoughts, or do our anxious thoughts produce anxiety? The same goes for depression and emotional struggle in general. My contention is that anxious people have anxious thoughts and, it’s the anxious thinking that promotes what we refer to as anxiety. You may be a bit underwhelmed by this, but consider the fact that traditionally, we refer to anxiety, depression, and emotional struggle as forms of mental illness. You know about illnesses; you catch a cold or flu. Do you “catch” anxiety or depression? I think not. Listen to this week’s Self-Coaching podcast to start making psychology much simpler than you heretofore may have thought.
Duration:00:23:18
Part 2: Self-coaching yourself to a happier life
1/15/2024
If you believe that you can’t be happy, that too much is going on and you can’t handle it, or that you can’t shake feeling anxious or depressed, then you’re allowing yourself to become corrupted by such beliefs. You need to understand that insecurity-driven beliefs are not facts. Facts are stubborn things, and when you allow yourself to feel victimized, you’re treating feelings as if they’re facts. When this happens, you become powerless to change the course of your life. The truth is you’re not powerless. And that’s a fact! In this the second of a two-part Self-Coaching podcast, I dig a bit deeper into the roots of unhappiness and offer a simple path that will begin a process of empowering you to find the solace and satisfaction that, regardless of your current struggle, is, in fact, within your grasp.
Duration:00:18:17
Why you should be impatient about being unhappy
1/1/2024
Self-Coaching is an “impatient” form of therapy. Whereas traditional analysis patiently explores the depths of your past, looking for the “truth” that will set you free, Self-Coaching rejects this notion. Like a cigarette smoker, you don’t need to know why you started smoking; you need to know what you can do to break the habit. It’s not the truth that will set you free; it’s understanding how you unwittingly reinforce neurotic thinking habits. Asking ‘why’ you struggle isn’t the right question; what are you going to do about it is. Learning the simple truth about what needs to be done to liberate you from your reflexive, insecurity-driven habits of thinking and systematically replacing these thoughts with more objective, mature thinking may take practice, but at the very least, you will know what has to be done. You will no longer feel victimized by your struggles.
Duration:00:18:21
Why you need to handle stress
12/11/2023
“I’m so stressed! I can’t take this job anymore!” “I don’t have enough time to get things done!” Stress is a part of everyday life, but that doesn’t mean you have to be victimized by your stress. Victims are powerless, and you are not powerless! The truth is we were built to handle day-to-day stress; it’s part of our fight-flight nervous system that evolved to protect us from danger. We may have been built to handle situational stress, but we weren’t meant (or equipped), physically or emotionally, to live with chronic stress. And that’s a fact! In this Self-Coaching episode, join me as I discuss the deleterious effect stress has on your body and emotions. You may not be able to eliminate all the stressful challenges of your life, but there’s a lot you can do to minimize life stress, especially self-induced, needless stress.
Duration:00:26:39
How to declutter your emotional life
12/4/2023
As we juggle the complexities of our lives, we often find that we just don’t have “enough time.” We feel that we’re spread too thin, we’re worn out, depleted, and stressed. Life has become more and more convoluted by the ever-growing demands put on us by incessant texts, emails, phone calls, and interruptions that simply can’t wait. And yet, rather than simplifying our lives, we just keep adding layer after layer of new complexities as we seek that mythic place where our to-do list actually gets done, where we can catch our breath and get off our hectic treadmill. For some, they hang on to fantasies of a getaway vacation—where we leave all our complexities at home and experience simply being present. Ahh! Perhaps it’s time to listen to this Self-Coaching podcast and take a look at de-cluttering your emotional life…now!
Duration:00:18:28
Are you too self-conscious?
11/27/2023
Self-consciousness is a form of egocentricity….we feel all eyes are upon us. It’s called the spotlight effect. However, the attention you get when you notice a large ketchup stain on your blouse or when you slip on a banana peel isn’t the attention you want—it’s embarrassing. We inherently strive to have others see us the way we want them to. Unfortunately, life has many pitfalls and obstacles to challenge us. In this Self-Coaching episode, you’ll learn that Self-consciousness is relative--the more insecure you are, the more likely you are to spend your time neurotically anticipating and worrying about what people think about you. Learn to explore what can be done to release you from the burden of being neurotically self-conscious.
Duration:00:12:39
Why you need to know the difference between stress and anxiety
11/13/2023
Stress and anxiety are closely related, exhibiting mostly identical symptoms such as trouble sleeping, digestive issues, difficulty concentrating, muscle tension, irritability, and so on. Although the symptoms are similar, what triggers stress isn’t what triggers anxiety. To rid your life of the friction created by stress and anxiety, it’s critically important that you understand these differences in order to employ the appropriate Self-Coaching strategy to alleviate your struggle. In this Self-Coaching episode, you'll learn a whimsical yet important lesson as to why 'Daisy' the cow never gets anxious.
Duration:00:28:15
Is our personality genetically fixed at birth? Well, yes and no.
11/6/2023
People come to therapy with the expectation that therapy will help them change. Is this a myth? After all, it's not unusual for people to remain in therapy for months, even years. What’s the truth? In this Self-Coaching episode, I discuss the truth about psychological change. Current research suggests that there’s no question that our genes predispose us to five identifiable core personality traits: openness, conscientiousness, extroversion, agreeableness, and neuroticism. This, however, isn’t the whole story because a predisposition is only a tendency toward certain traits, NOT a life sentence! In this podcast, you’ll hear the “whole” story.
Duration:00:30:17
Not allowing life to overwhelm you—you’re more resilient than you think.
10/30/2023
In everyone’s life, there are times of intense chaos, challenge, and uncertainty. Where we become overwhelmed with crippling emotions making it difficult to think or act rationally, and yet, even in the throes of such tumult, there are ways that you can fortify yourself to withstand life’s inevitable ‘meltdowns’ better. In this Self-Coaching episode, I discuss, what I call, your “resilient gene.” Once you realize that we humans are genetically equipped to handle adversity, you can begin to cultivate confidence and perseverance, even in your darkest moments.
Duration:00:23:17
Why people disappoint us: managing relationship “orbits”
10/23/2023
In every relationship there will inevitably be ups and downs, disappointments, and regrets, but what if I told you that there’s a way to protect yourself from needless relationship conflict and surprises? There is—and in this Self-Coaching episode, you’ll learn that managing relationship “orbits” is the key. By understanding relationship orbits, you’ll be in a position to place your relationships in their proper orbits based on how you're treated. Your inner orbits are reserved for those close, trusting, loyal people with whom you have absolute trust, but as you move out to more distant orbits, you have those who are less reliable, less trustworthy, and even destructive. By placing your relationships in the proper orbit, you will never wind up scratching your head asking, “Why did he hurt me like that?” Or, “I can’t believe she spread that lie about me.” The reason you won’t be confused is because your expectations are in sync with the actual person, not the illusion of the person we wish they would be.
Duration:00:27:00
When it comes to emotional struggle, less is more
10/16/2023
In this week’s Self-Coaching podcast, I wanted to give a more complete overview of why Self-Coaching is much more than a “coaching” approach to solving life struggles. Whether it’s anxiety, depression, stress, or other struggles, you’ll find that an understanding of the dynamics of how you inadvertently contribute to your own suffering will put you in a position to choose the life you want—the life you deserve. Once you understand why you’re struggling, you’ll have a format for recognizing that the path of true healing doesn’t have to be a long, drawn-out process, not once you realize that worrying less, doubting less, and being less negative are all here-and-now possibilities that can get you started today. In time, as you practice your Self-Coaching, you’ll find that less becomes more.
Duration:00:18:09
Four steps to true happiness
10/9/2023
Is true happiness an illusion? Well, yes and no. If you think you can be happy all the time, you will be sadly disappointed. Clearly, it’s not realistic or possible to be happy all the time, but if you’re willing to understand that within the quiet space between life’s circumstantial struggles, there resides and opportunity. An opportunity to experience life altering serenity and joy. In this Self-Coaching podcast, I argue that true happiness is definitely real, and with a proper perspective you too, can open yourself up to the potential happiness that you’re capable of. What’s the proper perspective? It has to do with embracing the four simple steps of humility, empathy, serenity, and joy.
Duration:00:28:27
Seven personality traits that can hurt you
10/2/2023
In this, the first of a three-part Self-Coaching series, I talk about an old Native American tale of two wolves, one bad, one good and the battle that goes on in every human struggle. The focus of this week’s podcast is on “bad wolf” tendencies, i.e., anger, envy, regret, self-pity, guilt, inferiority, false-pride/ego. We are often aware of our negative, or ‘shadow’ traits, but when these traits operate reflexively, they tend to erode our potential for happiness and effective living. By shedding light on our shadow traits, we begin to make these tendencies more conscious, enabling us to be less victimized by them. Next week’s podcast will focus on the “good wolf” tendencies, followed by a Self-Coaching approach to neutralize negative personality traits, actualize positive traits, and claim the life you were meant to have—the life you deserve.
Duration:00:28:41